


Poet

by wreckofherheart



Category: The Last of Us
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-31
Updated: 2016-08-28
Packaged: 2018-07-28 11:14:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 17
Words: 53,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7637872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wreckofherheart/pseuds/wreckofherheart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>[AU]</p><p>Five years have passed. Ellie meets all the demands of survival, and continues to work within Tommy's camp, Joel by her side.</p><p>Until an old friend, a Fire Fly, is caught, and taken behind bars. Wanted for her immunity, Ellie's life is in jeopardy once again. Although, this time around, the choice is entirely hers to make.</p><p>[Riley/Ellie]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> **Please Read**.
> 
> This is an alternate universe, in that _only_ Ellie was bitten. 
> 
> After discovering she was immune, Riley and Ellie went in search of Marlene. The two of them were then seperated, leading onto the main storyline of _The Last of Us_.  
>  So, in other words, for the past five years, Ellie has been led to believe that Riley has died, or been infected this whole time.
> 
> Five years have now passed since the events of _The Last of Us_.

The military’s corruption reeks from every pore. 

Mankind is too busy killing each other to even consider a vaccine anymore. Murder has become more common than infection, and the amount of orders she’s had to follow, the amount of blood splashed across her hands, becomes normal. Death is a familiar friend, and it is extremely hesitant to touch her. Dodging bullets isn’t necessary a skill, although she does it quite well.

A grenade is thrown. Glass shatters, brick crumbles, and one of the men are victim to the tumble.

She fires her shotgun once. It hits bone. 

Taking this opportunity, she flees the scene, bag full of the equipment Maria asked for. She slips slightly in the dirt, catches her balance, and climbs her way up across the river, over the barred wire, and through the trees. By now, the sound of gunfire has faded, and she hears nothing but the sweet song of birds. 

‘How many?’

The moment she arrives back to camp, Maria drags her in, hiding her in one of the offices. She searches through the bag, picking out guns, ammo, and even food. A smile reaches her lips, but no thanks is offered. 

‘A lot. You said there weren’t any of those fuckers for miles.’

‘I did, and sometimes I misjudge. Don’t get upset about that.’

Ellie scowls. She’s not upset. ‘Whatever,’ she sighs. ‘You lost three of your men due to your “misjudgement”.’

‘Sacrifices are necessary.’ Maria glowers at her. ‘Would you like to discuss this further, or are you gonna walk away?’

A threat. Ellie knows for a fact that Maria has no intention to _discuss_. But if Ellie wishes to misbehave, it might be the last thing she does. She exhales, and shrugs –– a sign of defeat. She won’t defend her argument. There’s no point.

Ellie passes her, and heads outside. On her way, she nearly collides into someone patrolling the gates. He gives her a look of distaste, before continuing. Ellie doesn’t intend to stay out for very long. In fact, she’s searching for somebody. The only person within this goddamned place who’ll listen, and give her at least an ounce of respect.

It has been that way ever since she stepped into this camp. Most people here know who she is. Or, at least, they have a vague idea. Those who insist on being immune are either insane, or rare. So rare that only one of them exists. And Ellie isn’t insane. But it’s not as if she flaunts her immunity either. Regardless, she’d held with suspicion. 

Held at length. Avoided. 

By the time she reached the age of eighteen, and after Maria discovered how efficient Ellie is with weaponry and agility, she’s been sent out beyond the gates more times than most. At first, Ellie thought Maria simply liked her; she respected her and thought she could do the job well. It didn’t take her long to realise that Maria had an ulterior motive.

Joel realised before she did.

Hence why he had barged into her private quarters, and demanded what joke she was playing at.

Now at the age of twenty, nothing has changed. Maria took no notice of Joel’s concern, and even Tommy had entered the scene to defend his wife. Perhaps Maria might not like Ellie as much, but she’s not stupid. Ellie _is_ immune. She has a much greater chance of survival than everybody else. So why not send her out more often? Why not risk her life more than anybody here?

If a vaccine is out of the question, then Ellie’s life is as meaningless as theirs. 

She is disposable. 

After so many years, Ellie has giving up on caring; and she’s giving up on taking this personally.

When she eventually discovers Joel’s whereabouts, he doesn’t embrace her. This doesn’t bother Ellie too much, until she sees the bloodied bandage he’s wrapping around his arm. Her heart leaps, and she rushes over to him. ‘Jesus, Joel.’ He looks up, taken by surprise at her sudden arrival. Before he can protest, Ellie kneels before him, and inspects the wound. ‘What did you do?’

They sit in an isolated, dark room. Old folders are scattered across the floor, forgotten about. The blinds over the window are broken, and barely give in any light. Joel has deliberately picked somewhere as isolated as this for a reason.

‘Could be my age,’ he says.

Ellie frowns. ‘Are you being funny?’

He smiles crookedly, and allows her to deal with the bandage. She manages to do this efficiently, securing it tightly, before tying the end. Fortunately, the blood doesn’t seep through. Ellie wipes a hand down her face.

‘You got shot?’

‘I got the bullet out,’ Joel replies, standing to his feet. ‘Thanks.’

Ellie follows suit, unconvinced Joel is revealing the whole story. Or the truth. ‘What happened?’

‘Nothin’. I’m glad you’re back.’ He pulls her to him and cuddles her. Ellie submits, and smiles slightly. Ever since returning to Tommy’s five years ago, when Joel revealed the Fire Flies had given up on a cure, he hugged her. Every time. Every time she leaves, and every time she returns, they would always cuddle. 

It soon became habit. Then it became necessary. 

Joel’s embraces are important. The last reminder that she’s loved somewhere, before she’s sent away.

‘You know I don’t believe you, right?’

‘I know.’ He sighs. ‘One of Tommy’s guys lost his temper. Paranoid I was stealing his food or something like that. Pulled a gun at me, but I beat him to it.’ Ellie swallows, and clenches a fist. ‘It’s sorted. And, as far as you’re concerned, nothing happened. I got the bullet out, and Tommy has decided to let this one slip.’

‘You got shot _here_?’

‘Hey,’ Joel reasons, ‘See it as a one off. We’ve been here a while, haven’t we? And it ain’t happened before.’ 

Ellie attempts to calm down, but can’t help but feel a sense of betrayal. The last thing she wants is for Joel to be in danger, while she’s busy avoiding clickers elsewhere. It’s hard to look out for oneself, when she’s too busy worrying about somebody else.

Her mouth tastes bitter. Ellie closes the door, and presses her back to it. ‘I didn’t wanna tell you, but if you need more convincing that we should leave this place, then––’

‘We’re not leaving. C’mon. We got a good thing here. Food, water. Sometimes the work is shit, but you’d rather that than be anywhere else.’

She sympathises. Of course Joel wants to stay by his brother’s side, and he wants Ellie to stay with him as well. He wants a family. He wants his brother, his sister-in-law, and Ellie to be with him, right to the very end.

Be that as it may, Ellie can’t picture such a fantasy. Not anymore.

‘Maria lied. Told me the coast was clear. Next thing I know, I’m being ambushed by the fucking military. We were outnumbered, Joel, and she didn’t even give a _shit_ about me. You really think this is the best we’ve got?’

‘Yes.’ Joel’s upper lip twitches. ‘Just–– _stop_ , Ellie.’ Silence. Joel breathes slowly, and carefully rubs his sore arm. Reluctantly, Ellie says nothing, but it’s clear what she’s caused. Joel believes her; he believes her, and he’s furious with Maria, but this is all they have. It’s tough, it’s unfair, but where else are they to go? ‘Look: if you want to leave, then I’m comin’ with you, but you gotta think up a plan before you try anything hasty. You got that?’

‘I got it,’ Ellie mumbles.

He cocks back his chin. ‘I’m on your side, all right?’ Sometimes, his affection is like a blanket. Warm and secure, covering every inch of her. Like armour. Sometimes, his affection is so like a father, it’s almost frightening. Almost enough to make her run away. 

Just as she’s about to respond, the two of them hear footsteps approaching. Heavy and quick. Instinctively, Joel grabs Ellie’s arm, and pulls her towards him. It isn’t danger, though. Tommy opens the door, and gasps out, ‘We got a live one! Tryna to steal our goods.’

‘Military?’

‘Nah, don’t think so. Maria has her in one of the holding cells. Thinks you might be interested.’

‘Ellie, stay here.’

‘Hey, wait!’ Ellie steps forward between the two. She looks over to Tommy. ‘You got me havin’ to tolerate all the shit you throw at me.’ She meets Joel’s line of gaze. ‘You seriously wanna leave me out?’

Tommy shrugs. ‘I don’t see why not. Fine; you can come with us. She might listen to you more anyway––you seem around her age.’ Ellie is not only surprised by his obedience, but also the details of their prisoner. 

As Tommy exits the room, she hears Joel chuckling. ‘What?’

‘Bossy today.’

She smirks at him. Bossy or just determined, she’s finished with being dragged along all of these years. Taking responsibility for herself has been much easier since she’s no longer considered a vaccine. Now her own person, choices are finally hers to make.

A little delayed due to his wounded arm, Joel follows behind Ellie towards the holding cell where Tommy waits. This place wasn’t originally a holding cell, but rooms where people slept. Since the infection, the walls have cracked, and the floor is need of a good scrub. It’s dark, gloomy. The odd insect or disease is a prisoner’s company.

Yet, there aren’t any prisoners; except for one. 

Hostages are rarely caught. Mainly because they’re dead before anybody can get their hands on them, or runners beat them to it.

To Ellie’s relief, Maria isn’t present. Tommy leaves the gate open for the two, and once they’re inside, he locks it shut. Joel places a hand on Ellie’s shoulder, and she turns her gaze to their hostage. 

She’s tall, and thin. Despite the scar travelling from her brow to her nose, she has a soft complexion, and freckles. Ellie notes that this woman doesn’t wear the military clothes, or anything that closely resembles to the military. A rogue. 

‘Haven’t got a name out of her yet. I’m willing to let her work for us, if she cooperates.’

‘Should chop off her hand. Pay for what she almost stole.’

Tommy stiffens. ‘You know I don’t do that here, Joel.’

Ellie ignores their conversation. Joel has only revealed a small amount about his days with Tess. How his brother walked away, so disgusted by Joel’s way of handling matters such as these. 

Abandoning Joel’s side, she approaches the hostage. The two of them watch each other, and Ellie is impressed by her silence. If it were her on the bench, she would be making a riot. ‘How d’you get that?’ She points to the scar. 

The hostage shows signs of discomfort. ‘Why’s that relevant?’

‘Just asking,’ Ellie shrugs. 

‘What’s relevant is who you are.’ Tommy steps over. ‘Listen: we all got things to do around here, so if you’re quick to cooperate, I’ll let you go.’ He drags over a chair from the side of the room, and sits before her. ‘You were gonna bring those things you stole to your commanding officer, right? Or whoever is in charge of you.’

The hostage shakes her head. ‘No one is in charge of me.’

Joel folds his arms, and leans against the wall. ‘Keep tellin’ yourself that,’ he says. ‘How did you get in here anyway?’

‘Mainly ‘cos your security is shit.’

Ellie hides a smile. Tommy scoffs at her. ‘Yeah, yeah. Doubt your place could do any better.’ The hostage sighs impatiently.

‘I don’t _have_ a place. Not anymore.’

‘So you were gonna keep it all for yourself? Greedy.’

‘I don’t see you in a hurry to share your stuff out.’

Tommy cocks a brow, and exchanges a look with Joel. He faces the hostage again, and doesn’t say a word. Ellie feels on edge, wondering if he might suddenly lash out, or give up and walk away. Allow somebody else to handle the woman.

Then he reaches out, yanks a necklace tucked under her shirt, and rips it off. She grimaces, but doesn’t fight back. Instead, she sit motionless while Tommy inspects the necklace. ‘A Fire Fly.’ At that, his expression softens. ‘Shit.’ Ellie narrows her brows, and glances at the hostage. All at once, her confidence shifts, and she no longer feels responsible for her decisions anymore.

_She should not have come here._

‘I thought you had all been wiped out,’ Tommy whispers, passing the necklace to Joel. 

The hostage hesitates. And then: ‘Why d’you think I came here?’

Joel turns over the tag attached to the Fire Fly emblem. He looks over to Ellie, then at Tommy. ‘We have a name.’

‘Oh, yeah?’ Tommy asks.

‘Riley Abel.’

‘Cute.’

A wave crashes into her at an almighty speed. Ellie stops; she freezes over entirely, and she’s _drowning_. She feels as if she’s grasping for the air, desperately tearing apart the waves for oxygen while her lungs quickly suffocate––

––and her heart _bursts_.

Ellie exhales shakily, blinks, and looks at their hostage properly.

_I know her._

‘You’re alive,’ she gasps.

Joel looks at Ellie in puzzlement, but Ellie doesn’t notice. She can’t pry her eyes away from the girl she’s been friends with for so long. It takes a moment, a brief moment, and Riley suddenly realises who Ellie actually is. 

How hard it is to recognise somebody so dear to her, a large weapon strapped over her back, torn clothes, and dirty cheeks. 

What has this world done to her?

‘You know each other?’ Tommy queries, standing up. 

‘Shit. Ellie, you look terrible.’

Ellie can’t help herself. She can’t remember the last time she has felt so much joy. She beams ear-to-ear, and nothing, _nothing_ , could be a more perfect sight. If it weren’t for Tommy, she would have flung herself at Riley into a tight embrace. 

But she resists. Ellie manages to control her expression.

Tries to breathe.

‘I––’ She swallows. Forgets Joel and Tommy are here even, and just looks at her. Looks at her, and enjoys this moment, be it for just a minute longer, or even less than that. She doesn’t care. Riley is here, and Riley is _alive_. ‘After I was bitten, you left me with Marlene, and… I… I didn’t see you again. I just thought you were dead.’

‘Yeah, a whole lot happened after we split up. I didn’t die though.’

‘You’re alive,’ Ellie whispers. She can’t even believe her own words, let alone the sight of Riley. 

How is this possible? How is that after _five years_ Riley is still breathing? That they’re _both_ still breathing? Ellie trembles all over, and she still hasn’t managed to catch her breath yet. She nearly wants to laugh, wants to laugh at the situation; how wonderful it is, how amazed and happy and just _overwhelmed_ she feels to see her best friend. 

‘So are you.’ Riley starts to rise, but Tommy jumps forward, and pushes her down.

Ellie widens her eyes, and takes a step forward. Joel grabs her arm before she tries anything foolish.

‘Don’t get me wrong,’ Tommy says. ‘This reunion is sweet and all, but I don’t need any distractions.’ He looks pointedly in Ellie’s direction. ‘You’re not going anywhere,’ he says to his hostage, ‘And Joel? Take Ellie back upstairs. Where she’s out of the way.’

‘The fuck..? Joel!’ Ellie tries to fight Joel’s strength, but he easily wins, and manages to drag Ellie out of the holding cell by the scruff of her collar. 

The image of Riley’s soft face is destroyed all too quickly. Ellie continues to fight him off her, but it’s fruitless, and soon Riley is out of sight.

By the time they’re outside, she’s still resisting, and even manages to yank out of his grip. She doesn’t get far. Joel grabs her around the waist, and lifts her off the ground momentarily, placing her away from the door.

He barricades her path. ‘Don’t even think about it, kid.’

‘What’s he gonna do to her? I know her, Joel! She’s no one bad.’

‘I believe you.’

Ellie stops. Blinks. Looks at him. ‘You do…?’

‘Yeah. I do. But if you start makin’ a scene like this, no one’s gonna pay any attention. If you want to get your friend out safe and well, you need to do what you’re told.’ 

Desperate, Ellie tries to look at the door, down to the holding cell where Riley has been taken. It takes everything in her to obey Joel’s command, and she turns away, the world oblivious to the tears welling up in her eyes.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you very much for reading. Keep in mind I shall slip in a few details from the comic book series (plus I find her relationship with Ellie much more developed –– I think Ellie learnt a great deal from Riley, before all of the shit happened).


	2. 2

She asks for her again and again. This persistence continues for over a week. At the end of each day, Ellie mentions Riley’s name at least once. Concerned about her welfare, or wondering when she might be able to see her next. Each request is always met with hesitance, and usually no answer is provided.

This kind of response––or lack, thereof––reminds her how little she is valued within the camp. It infuriates her, but for Joel’s sake, she doesn’t voice her feelings. After spending so much time working under the orders of another, she’s learnt how best to deal with her frustration. Silence is the best course of action. Despite how unsatisfying it is in the long run.

The longer Riley is kept away from her, the more worried Ellie grows. Why is she still a hostage? Why haven’t they let her go? Have they discovered something about her that they refuse to share? Why are they treating somebody so gentle as if she were a lion in a cage? 

Eventually, Ellie gives up on asking Tommy. She resorts to Maria, although she knows the answer already.

Maria is always busy. There’s always something to do, something to kill. She greets Ellie with mild disinterest, and places aside the rifle she’s been cleaning. When Ellie asks about Riley, Maria draws out a long sigh. Undoubtedly Tommy has told her everything.

‘Don’t you have more important things to attend to?’ She glances at Ellie, and her expression turns pitying. ‘Let me give you a distraction, eh?’ She retrieves a tattered map from the desk. Passes it over. ‘I was going to give somebody else the job, but you’re getting restless, and that’s never a good sign.’

Ellie accepts the map. A line has been drawn in the direction she needs to head. What appears to be a school has been circled. ‘What’s there?’

‘A battery.’

‘Oh. Right.’ She raises a brow. ‘Is that all you’re giving me?’

‘Yep.’ Maria slowly sits down, and studies Ellie for a moment. ‘A car battery. We’re trying to get a vehicle working, but the battery is missing. You should be able to find a few there.’

Ellie chuckles. ‘Don’t bet on it.’ She folds the map, and shoves it into her back pocket. ‘Am I going alone?’

‘No. Unless you’d like to.’

This is an opportunity she would much rather handle independently. Although she doubts Joel will be pleased. Either she goes with him, or she goes with another. Ellie shrugs. ‘Fine, I can negotiate.’ Maria frowns, puzzled. ‘I’ll get you the battery, but you gotta let me see Riley first.’

‘That’s not happening.’

Ellie scoffs. Grabs the map and places it on the desk. ‘No deal then.’

‘Why d’you wanna see her so badly?’

If she wants, Ellie could tell her everything. From the first day they met, to the last. When she was a little orphan, and would watch Riley escape through the window most nights. In search of adventure. Rebellion. How much Riley taught her. From avoiding runners, to climbing walls and pipes, and even firing a bow and arrow.

Riley was not only a teacher, but her best friend. Ellie downcasts her gaze, and reconsiders the deal altogether.

It’s none of Maria’s damned business who Riley is to Ellie.

Still, if she refuses to cooperate, she doubts a chance like this will occur again.

‘Because she’s my friend,’ Ellie replies. ‘That’s all I’m sayin’.’

Maria exhales. ‘All right. I’ll let you see her, but I ain’t giving you long, you got that?’ Ellie nods. Maria stands to her feet, and passes the map back to Ellie. ‘Listen, kid. I know what this is about. Just be careful.’ She hesitates, and then: ‘I know I ain’t one to talk, but getting close to somebody, anybody, can be a dangerous thing. I don’t want you prioritising the wrong people.’

‘You don’t need to worry. I was born into this fucked up mess.’ For some reason, Ellie recalls Bill. His coldhearted manner towards those he once loved. How he locked everybody out of his life. Her upper lip twitches at the thought of him.

Maria is right. Attachment always leads to death. 

But Ellie would hate to turn into someone like Bill. Living alone, without a shoulder to lean on.

_Miserable fuck_ , she thinks fondly.

The two of them leave the room, and Maria escorts Ellie towards the holding cell. The guard stirs when he notices them appearing. Maria confirms Ellie has been granted permission to visit their prisoner, and that she must be out once fifteen minutes have passed.

Afterwards, she throws Ellie a look. One which clearly states that if Ellie refuses, there will be trouble.

Ellie isn’t aware, though. It suddenly hits she’ll finally be able to see Riley again. After demanding to visit her for so many days, it’s happening, and she’s not entirely prepared. There are a thousand things to say. Hundreds and hundreds of questions, but suddenly her mind has gone blank.

The guard unlocks the gate, and Ellie walks inside. Riley’s cell is further down the corridor, and Ellie is conscious of how lonely the place is. The lack of sound. How a place like this could make anybody insane after too many hours. Especially with no human contact.

When she reaches Riley’s cell, the guard opens the door, and allows her to enter. He closes it, and remains on the other side. Relieved to have some privacy, Ellie turns her attention to their hostage. She’s seated in the same place as before, tucked into the corner of the room, handcuffed and bored. Riley tenses at her new visitor, and noticeably relaxes when she recognises Ellie.

‘You came back.’

Ellie runs a hand through her hair, and steps closer. ‘Yeah.’ Unsure with what to do with herself, she folds her arms, and bravely meets her line of gaze. ‘You’re taller.’ She nearly slaps herself for that. 

Riley chuckles. ‘You’re not.’

‘How did you get into the camp?’

‘You kiddin’ me, Ellie? It was easy. Even you coulda done it.’

‘All right,’ Ellie grumbles. ‘I get it.’ However, she allows a smile. ‘Has anybody else come to see you?’

Riley nods. ‘Yeah, I got the same guy as before. And a lady, too––she didn’t like me very much. They seem to have this dumb idea that I’m a spy or something. They’re so paranoid, I’m genuinely surprised by the lack of security they have around the place.’

‘They have to be paranoid, Riley. I think you know why.’

‘Sure.’ Riley sighs, and looks down at her hands. ‘They gonna keep me down here forever, then?’

‘No.’ Ellie chews on her lower lip. Frankly, she doesn’t know what Maria or Tommy’s intentions are. They refuse to inform her. Either Joel knows nothing, or he refuses to speak as well. She doubts the former. Joel is never out of the loop, especially with his brother. 

Twiddling with her sleeve, Ellie approaches the other girl, and kneels down before her. Riley doesn’t move, perhaps curious about what Ellie’s intentions are, but she has none. She sits there for a while, puzzled and full of thoughts, before she lets out an exhausted laugh. 

‘Fuck.’ She turns away. Shakes her head, and looks back at her. ‘Where’ve you been hiding all of this time?’

Riley smiles shortly. Reluctantly. ‘Here and there.’ She squints her eyes. Studies Ellie. ‘Who was he? The old man you were with?’

‘You mean Joel?’

‘ _Oh_. So that was him. Marlene told me he was gonna get you to the lab. Looks like he didn’t get very far.’

‘He took me there,’ Ellie says. ‘Turns out the Fire Flies gave up on a cure, so… he took me back here. This is where I’ve been for the past five years.’

‘They gave up…?’

Ellie blinks. ‘Yeah. You didn’t know?’

Riley looks away momentarily. A shadow of an emotion passes her eyes, but too quick for Ellie to recognise. ‘Huh.’ She quickly changes the topic. ‘You and him friends, then?’

‘I––I suppose that’s one way of putting it.’

Riley tilts her head. ‘You seem close.’

‘I guess.’ Maybe close is an understatement. After everything that’s happened between them, Ellie hasn’t felt closer to anybody, besides Riley. Ellie would never admit to him being a father-figure to her, but that is exactly the situation. ‘We are, yeah.’

‘Do I need to be jealous?’

Ellie grins. ‘Are you?’

Teasingly, Riley nudges her leg with her foot. There’s a pause, and then she shows Ellie the handcuffs around her wrists. ‘You wanna do me a favour, and get me outta these things?’

Ellie stares at them, and her insides turn cold.

Because it suddenly hits that she has no right whatsoever to save her friend.

She swallows, and looks at Riley properly. ‘Sorry.’ Her voice comes out more as a croak. If she let Riley go, or even removes her handcuffs, Maria would not only refuse Ellie to see her again, but forbid her from any other liberty. For Joel’s sake, she can’t do that. 

Riley lowers her hands. Her expression is illegible, and Ellie hates the silence.

The silence grows unbearable, and Ellie has to shatter it. What spills from her lips is out of her control: ‘I thought you were dead. _Fuck_. I thought we would never see other again, and now you’re here. Why––Why did you have to disappear like that?’

‘Disappear? Ellie, I didn’t disappear. You were the one who vanished, remember?’ Riley bites down on her tongue for a second. She sniffs, and rolls back her shoulders. ‘I was there at the lab. Where Joel took you. Next thing I know there are corpses everywhere; the surgeons are dead, and Marlene’s dead body is on the floor. I’m relieved your friend didn’t find me too.’

‘You were there?’

Riley nods. ‘I heard the gunfire, and stayed low.’

It takes her a moment to realise her lungs ache, and she’s forgotten how to breathe. Ellie gasps quietly, eyes wide, and her mind races with the idea. The idea of Riley hiding under the bed, or wherever else, terrified by the gunfire below. 

To crawl out, and discover she’s been left behind.

Ellie jars her teeth. Truthfully, Joel hasn’t told her everything that happened that day, but she does know one thing.

‘They were gonna kill me.’ Riley doesn’t react. Ellie feels sick. ‘You knew?’

‘Yeah, I did. Eventually. I also know about the others they tried to make a vaccine with. They all died. The experiments failed, and you were our last chance.’

‘And you were happy with that? For them to slice out my brain?’

‘Ellie––’

‘I can’t fucking believe you.’ Ellie stands, perplexed, gobsmacked; betrayed. Panicked, Riley stands too, and reaches out for her. Ellie moves away. ‘Don’t fucking play with me, Riley. You knew? And you were gonna do nothing? You were gonna let me die?’

‘Will you let me speak?’ Ellie curls her lips, and clenches a fist. Riley manages to maintain a calm manner. ‘You think I wanted them to kill you? I had no idea that they would go to such lengths to achieve a cure. C’mon, Ellie. Is that what you think of me?’ She slouches slightly, and takes a step back. Hurt. ‘I didn’t know anything until Joel brought you in that day.’

‘You still went along with it, though.’

‘Ellie, people are _dying_. Every day. Every day people are dying, and you were all we had left. Believe me, I knew I couldn’t live with myself after they were gonna operate on you. But you could have––you could have saved us. You could have stopped this infection.’ Riley tries to smile, but her attempt triggers tears. Frustrated, she roughly wipes her eyes with her sleeve. ‘We didn’t give up on a vaccine. You were the last of the lot, but then… you disappeared. Again.’

‘So, now you’re saying Joel lied?’

‘I dunno.’ Riley brushes off the matter. ‘I only know what I know. If he tells you different, then whatever.’

It feels as if a blade has pierced her heart, and Ellie can’t look at her anymore. Can’t look at her while she reveals Joel’s lies. Can’t look at her while tears trickle down her cheeks.

Ellie can’t handle that.

Even after all this time, she can’t handle that.

‘Maybe he’s right. Maybe they did give up.’

Ellie scowls. ‘Don’t fuck with me.’ She’s shaking. She’s shaking so much, she can barely focus. A part of her wants to leave. Go through the door, and forget about this conversation. Another part wants to burst into tears, to grab Joel by the collar, and _scream_ at him. 

The thought of him lying breaks her heart.

Yet the thought of Riley lying hurts all the more.

‘I didn’t know they would do that to you. Not until the last minute. I swear.’

‘I hear you,’ Ellie says, her voice surprisingly stern. She turns on her heel, and steps towards the door. Stops. ‘Fuck, you can’t trust anybody.’ She nearly laughs. For all of these five years, she’d been led to believe that the Fire Flies gave up. That they would kill her, but that they had given up anyway. That Joel was right to save her. That it was all a fucking lie.

No. No, it can’t be true.

Joel wouldn’t lie. Not to Ellie.

He _wouldn’t_.

From behind, she hears Riley sigh. Reclined and filled with regret. ‘You hate me?’

Ellie tenses. ‘I––’ She looks at her. ‘I don’t hate you.’ 

And that’s probably the only thing she’s certain of. She doesn’t hate her; could never hate her. Ellie composes herself, pulling harder at her sleeve. Out of her own uncertainty, she avoids Riley’s eyes, but she’s conscious of the spotlight placed on her. 

Within this small cell, they’re the last surviving; and she knows when she steps out, Hell will break loose.

Despite everything, she would rather stay here. Even if Riley whispered lie after lie, she would much rather stay here. 

It’s been too long since she’s felt _safe_.

‘I miss you,’ Ellie confesses. 

For a moment, her words sound empty. Lifeless. Until she’s aware of Riley closing the large gap between them; closer, only inches apart. Ellie looks up at her, and her pulse races; her cheeks flush. Five years ago, it might have been curiosity; it might have been the excitement of their youth.

Not like this.

Not warm. Not the kind of feeling which sends a shiver up her spine, and her heart pounds in her ears.

‘It’s only me. I don’t want you to be afraid of me.’

‘I know––I’m not,’ Ellie whispers. 

They look at each other, and Riley reaches out slightly, the chain restricting her. Her fingertips lightly brush across Ellie’s cheek, and it causes her to freeze in her spot. Riley’s face is soft, as always; but there’s sympathy, something tender in her eyes which Ellie can’t decipher.

Suddenly, they hear a _bang_ against the door, and the guard’s call for Ellie to leave. 

She opens her mouth to speak, to say whatever there is left to say, but her voice is silenced. Instead, Ellie turns away, and approaches the door. The whole time, she can feel Riley’s eyes on her back; the words they’ve shared, and everything else burning her heart.

The door slams shut behind her. Ellie ignores the guard, and walks out into the open air. Maria waits, leaning against the wall. She watches Ellie pass her, and asks, ‘Did you get what you wanted?’ 

Ellie doesn’t reply. She focusses ahead, and can’t rid the conversation she shared with Riley.

Like a faint taunt, she hears the few words from Maria: ‘I didn’t think so. Oh, and don’t forget what I’ve assigned you to.’ And then, forcing herself to not look back, Ellie walks away.

 


	3. 3

‘Where’d you find that?’

Ellie scrunches her nose at the taste. Cigarettes, they’re called. Only once before has she tried them, a couple of years ago while she was patrolling the perimeter. She bought this cigarette yesterday. One of Tommy’s men had managed to nab a few somewhere, and was selling them at a reasonable price. He wanted snack food. More out of curiosity, Ellie obliged.

Sitting atop of a fence, she inhales the nicotine again. Despite the peculiar taste, the sensation is quite nice. Ellie coughs suddenly, and offers Joel the cigarette. ‘You wanna try?’

‘No, thanks.’ He comes towards her, and places his hands on his hips. ‘We’d better get a move on. I want us back before sunset.’

Ellie squints up at the sky. She imagines they have approximately three hours until then.

The battery was easy to find. Of course Joel wasn’t keen on Ellie going alone, and so they set off together at a speedy pace. By the afternoon, and after killing God knows how many clickers, they discovered what they were after. In fact, they not only found one battery, but two.

‘Starving,’ Ellie mutters.

‘Me too.’ He pats her leg. ‘Let’s get going.’

Ellie places the cigarette between her lips, and jumps down from the fence. Shoving a hand into her pocket, she watches Joel’s back; how, regardless of his age, he can move just as well as she can. Sometimes the age does show, though, especially when they climb.

After another drag, Ellie decides to let out what’s been bugging her this whole time.

‘You swore to me.’

Joel turns his head to look at her. ‘What?’

‘About the Fire Flies. Remember?’

Immediately he stops. Joel exhales slowly; he sounds irritated, but it could be exhaustion.

When he faces her properly, there’s a sense of dread in his eyes. Ellie notes how his posture has tensed, and almost instinctively she takes a step back.

Ellie chucks the cigarette to the ground, and snuffs it out with her heel. ‘Taste like shit.’

‘What’s goin’ on, kid?’

She regrets speaking up so soon. She could have at least waited until they were at Tommy’s. Running a hand through her hair, Ellie tries to soften her voice: ‘I just need to understand something, Joel. About what happened that day.’

‘I told you,’ Joel replies. ‘They gave up lookin’ for a cure. There were many like you. Many they had tried to create a vaccine from. It all failed, so they stopped lookin’. And that’s the goddamn truth.’

Ellie believes him. Over Riley’s word, she has to believe him.

But why would Riley lie?

She nods. ‘Okay.’ Wishes she hadn’t thrown away her cigarette so soon. 

‘Is this about that girl?’

‘No,’ Ellie replies, a bit too defensively. ‘I was just asking.’

‘Seems a funny thing to ask out of the blue.’

‘Is it?’

Joel stops. He hardens his gaze. ‘She said something.’ A pause. ‘You wanna talk about this?’ Ellie says nothing. Joel sighs. ‘Listen, when you’re ready to talk––’ he swivels around on his heel, ‘––you know where I am.’

For a while, Ellie leaves it at that. She fears an argument may arise, and, if that _were_ to happen, she’d rather it happened where they’re safe. 

Her stomach growls. Mouth feels dry.

There’s a horrible stench of burnt flesh close by.

‘Why’d you kill Marlene?’ Joel slows his pace, but doesn’t cease walking. ‘You coulda left her. Blackmailed her or something––made sure she didn’t come after me.’ And that’s when Ellie starts to piece it all together. She’s willing to buy the fact that the Fire Flies gave up on a cure. But why shoot Marlene? And why would Marlene seek somebody who is of no use to her anymore? ‘The Fire Flies were pretty desperate for a cure. Maybe that’s why you shot her.’

‘Hey,’ Joel growls. ‘She would’ve killed you.’

‘Why?’

Shaking his head, Joel lowers his voice. ‘She had to. As far she was concerned, she didn’t have any otherchoice.’

‘That doesn’t make any sense.’

‘Yeah, I know that!’ Joel glares back at her, clenched fist, regret burning in his irises. Ellie freezes, and watches him. There’s a moment, and then Joel lets out a long breath. He softens his tone. ‘I’m sorry. Can we––can we get home? Please.’

Obviously he’s hiding something. Ellie isn’t about to drag it out of him though.

A shrug. ‘Whatever you say, goes.’

He hesitates, his eyes travelling to the ground––then a short scoff. At himself. At her. At the whole situation. And she knows that whenever Joel loses his temper, it’s usually over a matter which he cannot control. Or is _losing_ control over.

It’s her. Gradually, as she’s reached her adult years, Joel has lost control.

Perhaps that’s what being a parent is about. 

This reluctance to let go.

_I’m not going anywhere_ , she wishes to say. Just to reassure him. Just so. In case he did lie. In case the very reason he cannot admit to the truth is because he’s so terrified she’ll desert him. As his own child did. That kind of trauma never goes away.

And he’s not willing for her to be next.

Not while he breathes.

The remainder of their journey continues in silence. She listens to his heavy footsteps, the occasional grunt as they climb, before following the river to camp. The water splashes against the rocks, wetting their trousers. Sometimes, the current is so fierce, Ellie is grateful she allowed Joel to teach her how to swim. She’s almost drowned multiple times.

It is a skill she learnt too late, but learnt all the same.

Joel shrugs off his backpack, and passes Ellie the two batteries. Once given permission to enter the gates, Ellie turns to Joel, hoping he might agree to meet her later. If they could talk. Or just forgive. Forget about the bullshit she brought up.

Yet as she does, Joel walks in the opposite direction, posture reclined. 

The sight makes her heart sore.

Ellie’s search for Maria doesn’t take long. She hands over the batteries, and the blonde studies them briefly, before allowing a smile. ‘Good work. I knew I could depend on you.’ Surprised by the compliment, Ellie struggles to find words. ‘Come on. I want to give you something.’

Peering over her shoulder, Ellie watches Joel turn the corner and disappear out of sight. Guilty, she follows Maria indoors, and over towards the office she shares with Tommy. Maps and detailed plans have been strewn across the desk. The floor is cluttered with weapons, knives; descriptions on the different kinds of infected. 

Survival litters the room. 

Maria places the batteries onto her desk, and grabs her handheld transceiver. She speaks to one of her men on the other end, instructing him to come and collect the batteries once his break has finished. Hopefully the car will start running then.

‘Have you driven before, Ellie?’

‘Sure. Been a while, though.’

‘You can be the first to try the girl out, then. How about that?’ Ellie smiles briefly. She watches Maria slide open her desk drawer, and retrieve two bottles of alcohol. ‘Have you tried this before?’ She chucks the bottle towards her. Ellie catches. Inspects the bottle. A beer she’s never heard of, although, in all fairness, she’s never tried beer in her life. ‘I take that as a _no_.’

Silently, Ellie tries to take the top off. It requires a good tug, but the _hiss_ as it opens sounds satisfying. She takes her first sip. Scrunches her nose and coughs. Maria laughs quietly, and sits atop of her desk. She pats the empty place beside her. 

Ellie sits next to Maria, and tries the beer again. ‘Eurgh!’

‘You’ll get used to it. You’ll appreciate what it does, too.’

‘What does it do?’

‘You’re the first twenty year old who’s asked me that.’

‘Oh.’ Ellie wipes her lips with her sleeve. ‘Sorry.’

‘Don’t be. It’s endearing.’ Maria allows Ellie a minute or so to enjoy her drink. Or enjoy it as best as she can. It doesn’t take Ellie too long to realise what Maria is referring to. She starts to feel strangely at ease, more confident. It’s nice. ‘I was wondering if we could chat,’ Maria says, before taking a swig. ‘Just, you know, girl-to-girl.’

‘Uh, okay.’

‘About your friend. The Fire Fly.’

The laid-back sensation the drink gave her quickly passes. Ellie bravely has another mouthful. ‘What d’you wanna know?’

‘I’d like her to stay.’ Ellie widens her eyes. That’s the last thing she was expecting. ‘I don’t buy the stuff the Fire Flies promised, but she’s resilient. I like that in a person. But, you must see that I can’t have her roaming the perimeter if I can’t trust her.’

_You can_. 

Ellie sniffs, and looks down at the bottle in her hands. ‘You trusted me, right?’

‘To a degree. I admit, over the years I have come to rely on you much more. You’re one of our most capable.’

‘Is that why you keep sending me out on suicide missions?’

‘Ellie,’ Maria sighs. ‘Take all that as you will, but keep in mind you haven’t been the _easiest_ of people to get along with.’

The younger woman raises a brow at that. In all fairness, Maria has a point.

Ellie smirks, and finishes off the bottle in one gulp. ‘Impressive,’ Maria murmurs. ‘Take it easy––I don’t want you collapsing on me.’

‘So.’ Ellie clears her throat. ‘I guess there’s a question somewhere.’

‘I’m going to give you some time off out in the field. You’ve done plenty. I still want you doing your bit within the gates, but spend time with this girl. Get to know her. She won’t be the same person she was when you knew her.’

‘I know,’ Ellie whispers. ‘And if she’s clean?’

‘Then she can stay.’

‘If she’s full of shit?’

Maria pauses. ‘We won’t come to that unless we have to.’ Ellie drops her gaze. ‘I want you to know who she was sending our supplies to. She either has a family somewhere, or she’s following orders. I doubt the former.’

Ellie can’t imagine a family. Can’t imagine Riley promising herself to somebody else. 

With children involved.

The image tightens her stomach. A pang of jealousy nips her heart, and she fights it off. Slipping off the desk, Ellie approaches the door. ‘It’s done,’ she says.

 

 

 

 

 

When evening arrives, Ellie is completely sober, but the conversation with Maria sticks in her mind. She’s not necessarily the type to interrogate. Joel is good at that, not her. Ellie can be manipulative. But to Riley? In a way, she’d much rather be fighting off a whole group of clickers than handling this.

The moon looks pretty. She’s always thought that, even though she’s never appreciated it properly until now.

The moon looks lonely, too. Up in the darkness all by itself. And when the stars vanish behind the clouds, the moon is an abandoned thing. Lost and helpless, strung into the air by whatever cruel God roams the skies. Ellie has entertained the idea of a God. Any God. A merciful one. A cruel one. And she’s entertained the idea of the Devil.

Of Hell.

She’s certain of Hell. Certain it exists.

Hell has been home her entire life.

From afar, she watches somebody patrol the perimeter, a rifle strapped over her shoulder. She walks slowly. Bored. That’s what this has come to. They have protected themselves so well, the threat of infection or death no longer lurks.

Until one steps outside the gates.

Ellie has seen too many tiny graves for it to trouble her.

Too many corpses. Too many wonderful people, ridden to madness.

_Wonderful people she could have saved._

She shocks herself. A tear rolls down her cheeks, and she’s shocked. Shocked her emotions have been displayed so easily; entirely uncontrollable. She wipes her face with her palms. There isn’t any other option. Maria is right: she has to ask Riley what’s going on. How she ended up here. Who exactly wanted the supplies she failed to steal.

And if Joel really lied to her.

Reluctantly, Ellie pulls away from the bannister, and descends the staircase. Her shotgun has grown heavy over the hours, pressed to her back, but she refuses to remove it. People deceive their condition. One moment they might be fine, and the next they’re biting at whatever skin they can reach. Ellie has learnt not to trust anybody when it comes to infection. Anybody except Joel.

Because he would be brutally honest, and tell her. He would show her the mark, and demand she shoot him dead.

The holding cell is far more forbidding at night. Ellie shudders in the cold. The guard looks at her quizzically, and she confirms Maria has asked her to visit their hostage regularly. Get any information out of her. It takes a little for the guard to be convinced, and he opens the door. When Ellie steps through into the damp room, the door slams shut behind her.

Regaining her posture, she looks over to where Riley sits; the same place as last time. Ellie inhales, and has no intention to leave until she’s satisfied with whatever answer Riley might offer.

‘You’ve been gone awhile,’ Riley says. She doesn’t move, watching Ellie closely while she grabs a chair from the side of the room. She drags it noiselessly towards her friend, and sits down. There’s a brief silence, and Riley patiently waits for Ellie to find her words.

‘I’m gonna get you out of here.’

Riley blinks, and rises slightly. 

‘But I got a condition to make,’ Ellie continues, ‘If you tell me everythin’ you know, I can let you out.’

‘Seems reasonable.’

‘No lies then?’

Riley shakes her head. ‘No. No lies this time.’

 


	4. 4

To this day, she can still recall the smell of the quarantine zone, all the way back in Boston. Faintly of ash and smoke. A weird scent, but one she grew so accustomed to, it was the only thing which reminded her of home. But it was a _trap_. Binding her body whole, and making absolutely sure she could not move; could not escape. 

Being young and small had its disadvantages at a military camp. Ellie was a prime victim of bullying, of being picked on deliberately by the commanding officers; whoever possessed the slightest authority. That humiliation and severe lack of confidence was cut short, though, when Riley escaped the quarantine zone, with Ellie lagging on behind.

It was tricky. Very tricky climbing the walls, and jumping from rooftop to rooftop. Even at that age, Riley was fairly tall, and succeeded much easily than Ellie when it came to reaching high places. It was always Ellie who needed an extra hand, or a few words of encouragement to make a jump. 

Once finally over the fence, Ellie managed to get a name from this athletic, vibrant child. 

The memory which sticks, though, lasts from years ago. The two of them walking across the rooftops, free of soldiers, and just _talking_. The view was surprisingly beautiful, and it was the first time Ellie had genuinely witnessed the outside world. The abandoned streets, shattered lampposts. She imagined people walking these streets, chattering, and children running from pavement to pavement.

How odd it all seemed. That children did that. Once upon a time.

‘You ever think about the future?’ Riley wore a smirk; almost cocky. Back then, Ellie was young and small, and untouched. Somebody else to protect. 

From her expression, Ellie assumed her question rhetorical. A joke.

‘Like the far future?’ She asked, looking up at her. ‘With space-ships and stuff?’

There was a brief pause. A sort of sadness passed her eyes, before she met Ellie’s line of gaze, and laughed at her. 

‘Cute.’ 

If Ellie knew her future to be like this, if she knew she would survive so much, she might have fled with Riley then and there. If that were so, then perhaps Ellie would never have discovered her immunity. She entertains the idea, wondering if that would have been best. To live in pure ignorance.

What bliss.

She misses the rebellion. Clambering atop roofs, and feeling _bad_. As if suddenly the world were her tiny oyster, and she could do whatever the Hell she wished.

That all disappeared fast. 

Because now she sits before the same girl, fiddling with her sleeve, and her mind gone blank. The same girl whose wrists are tied, and locked behind a heavy door. And, in a way, Ellie feels more of a prisoner than Riley does. 

‘I’m sorry,’ Ellie finally says. 

Riley furrows her brows. ‘Why’re you sorry?’

Shrugging, Ellie stops playing with her sleeve. ‘This whole thing ain’t my style. Not really into interrogation or whatever this is supposed to be.’

‘Oh… that doesn’t answer my question.’

‘Because I know you’re innocent,’ Ellie admits. ‘That’s why I’m sorry. I know you: you wouldn’t steal anythin’ unless you really needed to. But that’s all I wanna find out. Who you were takin’ the supplies to.’

Riley rests her back against the wall. ‘All right. I’ll tell you. You gotta promise not to be mad at me, though.’

‘Why’d I be mad?’

‘Look, listen: everybody seems to have this idea that all the Fire Flies were wiped out. By hunters, runners and––well, people like _you_.’ The _you_ feels like a jab. Ellie tries to brush off the blame. ‘We’re still alive.’

‘We?’ Ellie clicks her tongue. ‘So, you still believe in their horse shit?’

‘It’s _not_ horse shit. And, yeah, I do believe in them. Someone has to. They’re the only people who have any kinda hope left. Everybody else has given up.’

‘If you and your Fire Fly friends are alive, then why steal from us? Clearly you’re all not doing as well as you think you are.’

‘Wow.’ Riley smiles slightly. A hint of disbelief in her tone. ‘Last time I met you, you were much more open-minded than this.’

‘That was a long time ago, and that was before I knew they would try to kill me.’ Ellie hesitates, uncertain whether to keep the conversation going. However, she got what she needed. The Fire Flies. Clearly they must have a base somewhere, and Riley was ordered to do the dirty work of stealing. 

Neither Tommy or Maria will like this. Maybe Riley won’t be getting out so soon, after all.

Riley says nothing while Ellie stands up, and turns to the door. As she nears it, she hears the sound of handcuffs rattling. Peering over her shoulder, Ellie sees that Riley has stood as well, and her expression looks close to amused.

Ellie amuses her.

‘You’re not gonna stay any longer?’

‘I got no reason to stick around.’ She reaches for the door handle.

‘Tsk.’ Riley chuckles softly. ‘You remember when we first met? That guy was beating you to a pulp.’ Of course Ellie remembers, but she won’t give Riley the satisfaction of an answer. Be that as it may, she hasn’t left the room yet. ‘I came in and knocked him back. Made sure he stayed back too.’

‘What’s your point?’

‘I’m your friend, and I help you. I never stopped being that, Ellie, even if you think otherwise.’

Slipping her hand away from the door, Ellie turns to face her. Refusing to be moved, Ellie folds her arms, and attempts to harden her expression. Usually, her opponents don’t deter her; it’s easy to hate them.

As much as she can’t handle the fact, Riley is no opponent. 

And whatever Ellie is enduring has very little to do with hatred. 

‘You know, when I got bit? That was when I really needed you around.’

‘What d’you mean? You were immune––’

‘I was scared shitless, Riley. But you didn’t hesitate to agree to Marlene’s commands; handing me over as if I was some prized possession of yours.’

‘You were exactly what the Fire Flies had been looking for all this time. Of _course_ I was gonna do that. But tell me something: you wouldn’t have done the same thing?’ Riley exhales. ‘Hey, what if we both got bitten that day? What if I got infected, and you found out you were immune? Wouldn’t you have gone to her anyway?’

‘Fuck, Riley, stop twisting this.’

‘I’m not,’ she replies calmly. ‘The honest truth? When you got bitten, it was my fault completely. I led you out of the quarantine zone again, and we ran into infected––I had to take you somewhere safe, and Marlene was the only person I could think of. If the military found out you were immune, they would have shot you dead.’

Ellie is silenced. Everything Riley said is true, and it _hurts_. 

A beat, and then––‘Don’t you remember? Marlene was gonna kill me anyway.’

Riley opens her mouth to protest, but suddenly reconsiders. It’s clear to Ellie that she doesn’t know the full story. Joel saved her life. She knows that much. But something is missing. Something doesn’t add up.

Heart racing, she walks over to Riley, tense and nervous all over.

‘I need you to start talkin’. What don’t I know about the experiments?’

‘You’ll just get upset––’

Ellie shoves her impatiently, and Riley balances herself against the wall. ‘Will you quit it with the bull? _Tell me_. Fuck.’ She rolls her eyes. ‘I think I deserve to know if I was just another guinea pig or not.’

But she knows the answer. 

Riley’s silence is enough, and a rush of anger floods through Ellie’s body. What frustrates her is that she has no idea who she’s angry at. Why she’s angry at all. Joel lied: the Fire Flies didn’t give up on a cure. But that was the only lie. Ellie wouldn’t have survived the surgery, and there was no promise the surgery would succeed anyway.

‘They told me nothing, Riley. They knocked me out cold, and were about to take out my brain without me ever knowing.’

‘So, if told, you would have consented anyway?’

‘You woulda liked that,’ Ellie scowls. ‘Because above being your friend, I was just disposable waste to you. It wouldn’t have mattered, though––all for the greater good, right?’

For a brief moment, Ellie is convinced she’s won the argument. Riley has no support whatsoever and, in a way, Ellie wants her to feel guilty. Wants her to realise how much she fucked up. 

That Riley’s betrayal breaks her heart.

Yet, despite all of that, Ellie isn’t satisfied. She’s not happy with the outcome of her visit, and the thought of leaving now would only reduce her to tears. Because even if Riley was willing to stab her in the back, Ellie’s feelings haven’t altered in the slightest.

This only angers her more. And Ellie can’t manage anger well. 

After all, it usually leads to tears. 

She impatiently wipes her eyes, and considers Riley’s silence as a loss. 

Then, to Ellie’s surprise, Riley smiles. Warm and amused. ‘I forgot how dumb you are sometimes.’ She fiddles with one of the handcuffs wrapped around her wrist. It’s made her skin raw, and dry. Mildly distracted, Ellie wonders how many men those hands have killed. How many faces they’ve caressed. 

Riley takes Ellie’s vacant seat. 

‘Have you actually considered how _I_ feel about all of this?’

‘I––ah…’ Ellie gives her that. She curls a few strands of hair behind her ear, ‘Whatever, then. Share.’

Prying her attention away from the handcuffs, Riley avoids Ellie’s gaze deliberately. Now she finally has control over the conversation, she doesn’t quite know where to begin. Undoubtedly Ellie went through a great deal since their separation, but she’s not the only one. 

Everybody has gone through shit.

‘Soon after you went away, I, alongside a few others, were given the task to take care of a group of kids. I had to get them to a camp further south, where there were more supplies and even electricity. Bit like where we are now.’ She leans forwards. ‘Long story short, kids don’t survive well in these conditions. Their immune systems are weak, so they’re infected easily. Those fucking jabs we gave ‘em beforehand did nothing. The infection is too strong to stop, and so I––’

Riley pauses. Recovers from whatever image _screams_ in her mind.

‘I watched them die.’

Ellie looks away. 

‘You ever seen an infected child before?’

‘Once. Yeah.’

‘How about babies, then? Little toddlers who can barely walk, let alone run. Those fucking monsters got to them, and we failed. I wouldn’t let anyone lay a damned finger on you, but you didn’t see what I saw. I dug up too many tiny graves. The worst part is holding their hand while they cry; while we had to wait for the infection to spread.’

‘Why the fuck are you telling me this?’ Ellie snaps.

‘Because for all of those little lives I had to kill, I’d swap their lives for yours in a fucking heartbeat.’

Ellie glares at her, and this is her first mistake. The sight of Riley being reduced to tears only does the same for Ellie. Her throat aches, and narrows. Her eyes sting, and she outright _refuses_ to cry. Not for Riley. Not because Riley has been through Hell and back, and Ellie hasn’t even seen the worst of it yet.

‘I hate this shit,’ Riley says. Ellie hears the tremble in her voice, and it’s a stab to her already bruised heart. ‘I knew what they were gonna do to you, and, yeah, I’d have let them. Just so no other poor child had to go through what mine did. If that makes me a bad person, then so be it. But don’t fucking give me _shit_ for that.’ 

Quickly, Ellie wipes a stray tear. Her hands shake, and she’s finding it hard to breathe.

This all hurts too much, and whatever anger and confusion she held towards Riley has vanished entirely. Now, she just feels like a fool. 

Stupid girl.

‘You meant the fucking world to me, Ellie. But I hadn’t a choice.’ 

That’s when Riley has to stop. To wipe her tears, and recover. To pull through the agony again, and _try_ to live with herself. For however long that will last.

‘Don’t you hear me?’

Ellie does. She hears every word, and they ring in her mind like a constant bell. Drilling away into her skull. Deeper and deeper, until latched onto her brain. She faces Riley, and, without offering a response, she proceeds to commit to her second mistake.

Looking into her eyes, she captures all of everything Riley spoke about. The children, her comrades who passed away alongside them; the graves she dug. Having to sacrifice her dearest friend for the uncertain sake of others. That trauma, that amount of turmoil, _bleeds_ through. And this life they’ve been forced to live has decayed them in ways unimaginable.

Carefully, slowly––still trembling––Ellie takes her face between her hands, and kisses her. It’s brief, and as timid as before, but equally as tender. Apologetic and desperate. Riley is caught by slight surprise, but they’ve been through too much in order to require any form of hesitation. 

If anything, this is overdue. 

‘I hear you.’

Witnessing Ellie give up like this just makes Riley feel weak at the knees. This time around, she leans in to initiate the kiss. Ellie’s lips are chapped, but warm, and just _refreshing_. From everything else, to have this, feels good. Really good. Ellie accidentally bumps her nose into hers, kissing her harder, _wanting_ this, until she suddenly remembers the situation they are both in.

Ellie retreats. Although dazed, she manages to maintain her composure. She doubts Maria will be pleased if she discovers Ellie was doing something like _this_ with a hostage. Regardless of what the hostage means to her.

But they’re not children anymore, and Riley isn’t satisfied with what little was shared between them. Restricted by her handcuffs, she can only pull Ellie towards her by her shirt, but it’s enough. Taken ahold of, Ellie falls into her, and allows to be kissed again. And, just like that, she gives into her.

Riley’s cheeks are soft beneath her fingertips; soft, but familiar. All of this is familiar. 

Feeling a bit more at ease, Ellie welcomes the kiss, her tongue exploring her mouth for the first time. Although inexperienced and very conscious of what she is doing, it all brings a wonderful, thrilling sensation up her spine. 

They kiss and kiss again, and only for breath, or a moment to _think_ , does Ellie pull back once more. 

‘You okay?’ Riley’s question comes out in a rush due to the intensity of the kiss. But it’s not as if Ellie is any different.

‘No.’ Ellie can feel the blush burning her cheeks, and it’s humiliating. If not a reminder that she’s still alive. That this is real. ‘I’ve never really been okay when you’re around.’

‘That’s sweet.’ She might make a joke out of Ellie’s condition, but she’s not an idiot. It wasn’t as if things weren’t complicated enough. Riley reaches out and squeezes Ellie’s arm affectionately. If it weren’t for these damned handcuffs, she would cuddle her; reassure her in some way. ‘Well, in case you didn’t notice, you’re free to go.’ She snorts, and raises her cuffed wrists. ‘Not like me.’

‘Not really free to go, though, am I?’ The corner of her mouth twitches. ‘Got people hunting me left and right.’

Stepping towards her, Riley fiddles with one of Ellie’s buttons; her shirt is old, and in need of a wash. Such luxuries are rare nowadays, and they’re both a bit of a mess. Run down by this life they struggle to survive in.

Ellie cuddles her. She wraps her arms around the back of her neck, and cuddles Riley gently. As if she were the most vulnerable thing on earth. As if she were all Ellie had left. She cuddles her, and buries her face into the crook of her neck; and would stay like this forever if she were allowed to.

With her. Like this.

Forever.

Ellie nearly laughs at how fairytale it could all be.

How stupid it has all become.

She can feel Riley’s hands on the small of her back; feel as she pulls slightly at Ellie’s shirt and squeezes; clinging onto her. Making this last for as long as it needs to. 

‘You need to leave me now. But come back tomorrow?’

_I’ll get you out_ , she wants to say. _One way or another. I’ll fucking try._

Ellie kisses her lips. Quickly. Her arms pull away, and the cold immediately bites when she’s further and further from Riley’s warm embrace. ‘Tomorrow,’ she says, voice dry. Knocking her fist against the door, she waits for the guard to let her out. As the lock is turned, she looks back at Riley one last time and tries a smile.

But it doesn’t last. 

The door opens, and her heart drops to the pit of her stomach. She takes in Riley’s lovely face once more, before stepping through. The guard slams the door shut, and it’s a heavy sound to her ears. As if punishment waits to be endured.

 


	5. 5

‘So, what did you find out?’

Taken aback slightly, Ellie runs through her head everything that occurred less than twenty minutes ago. From entering the cell, to Riley revealing what’s happened to her in the past five years, to the kiss Ellie really shouldn’t have given.

‘Uh.’ Ellie found out more than she bargained for. And her determination to get Riley out has never been more controlling. Unfortunately, she doubts Maria will be pleased with the lack of information. Perhaps Riley’s release isn’t as soon as Ellie hopes. Leaning forwards against the desk, Ellie knocks her knuckles lightly against the table. ‘I think you can trust her.’

Maybe it’s disappointment. Ellie can’t be sure, but Maria’s expression does not turn into anything positive.

She takes her walkie-talkie, and speaks into it: ‘Tommy, come in.’

Instantly her husband responds. Ellie tenses when Maria asks Tommy to join them in the office, and she has a bad feeling this conversation won’t end well. When Maria disconnects from Tommy, Ellie falls back into her chair, and folds her arms. 

Neither have to speak. Ellie hears the door open behind her, and Tommy’s heavy footsteps. Then, she faces the two of them, and, together, Tommy and Maria make quite the intimidating couple. Although she knows for a fact that they both have Ellie’s interests at heart, they aren’t willing to risk letting a hostage out of her cage. 

Especially one who tried to steal their supplies.

Tommy sits on the edge of the desk, and Maria fills him in on what Ellie has done. As far as Maria is concerned, Ellie questioned the hostage, and after discovering a few facts about her, she has decided their hostage is, in fact, innocent. 

Furthermore, Ellie even suggests she’s trustworthy.

Tommy smirks, and looks at Ellie. ‘How long have you known the girl?’

Knowing there isn’t any way around this, Ellie opens up on her history with Riley. ‘I was recruited into the military when I turned twelve, and that was when I met her. She was nearly sixteen, and the whole time she was pretty set on joining the Fire Flies.’ Ellie shrugs. ‘Can’t really tell you much, apart from the fact she was the only one gave a shit about me.’

‘When did you last see her?’

‘Five years ago. Um…’ Ellie swallows. ‘Look, I know what this sounds like, but I care about this camp as much as you do. If I had the slightest doubt about her, I wouldn’t be saying this.’

‘I believe that,’ Tommy says. ‘You’re not stupid. You’ve been through a fuck load, but…’ He sighs. ‘I’m sorry, kid. I know what it’s like when you’ve got a soft spot for somebody. You’re blinded by that.’ Ellie parts her lips to retort, but Tommy interjects: ‘I don’t think it’s a good idea if we let her out just yet. I’ll talk to her too, and then––’

Ellie stands to her feet. ‘Aw, c’mon, man. She made a fucking mistake stealing from us, but she’s my friend. She’d sacrifice herself to stalkers just so I could live.’

‘Calm down,’ Maria says. She rounds the desk to join Ellie, and places a hand on her shoulder. ‘We believe you. However, just because you and her are close, that doesn’t mean she’ll be close with us either. Keep digging for more from her. But let us decide when it’s best to let her out.’

‘What d’you want me to find out?’ Ellie’s voice has grown stern; her impatience oozes through. ‘I’ve already got enough info: she was a Fire Fly, tried to help a bunch of kids escape, and ended up failing. She’s just like us.’ She looks pointedly at Tommy. ‘Hey, I know you got some personal beef with the Fire Flies and all, but give her a damn break.’

‘You don’t have a problem with them?’ Tommy asks. ‘From what I remember, you think they’re all savages.’

Ellie stiffens. ‘Yeah, but maybe they had good reason to kill me. They needed a cure.’

Tommy smiles, but it’s not kind. ‘That’s not what Joel told me. You see, this girl is already filling your head with their delusions.’ He exhales. ‘Why d’you think I left them? I ain’t got a problem with the Fire Flies, but I’ve learnt my lesson: I’m stayin’ away. You should as well, unless you want your head chopped open.’

The corner of Ellie’s mouth twitches.

‘ _Tommy_ ,’ Maria whispers harshly. Her husband says nothing after that, and Ellie notices a little guilt pass his eyes. ‘Listen, Ellie. I don’t want you to take this the wrong way, but, you and this girl––is it mere comradeship or is there something you’re not telling us?’

‘I––’ Ellie scoffs. ‘ _Wow_. You tryna imply I got feelings for her?’

‘I never said that,’ Maria replies. ‘Am I wrong to assume, though?’

At first, Ellie isn’t sure why she feels so insulted. The insult isn’t about Riley, however. Ellie feels insulted because Maria believes her judgments are incorrect, solely due to the fact that _maybe_ she likes Riley. That _maybe_ Ellie doesn’t see her as a friend, but something else. 

These are dodgy grounds Ellie hasn’t entered before. Her instinct tells her to lie.

But, with Riley, it’s never been clear.

Never entirely certain. Even when the two were jumping from roof to roof, stealing supplies and drinking more than they should, Ellie liked her. Ellie thought her amazing; incredible. The strongest girl she had ever known.

Even when they were children. Rebellious and hungry for danger.

Even then, Ellie felt something else.

But now? Now after seeing her after all of these years, after kissing her. And after kissing her properly. Not like last time, not like the timid, spur-of-the-moment kiss she offered her only minutes before being bitten. 

Now it’s different and complicated and so _fucked_. 

Because kissing Riley this time was damaging. It only made her feelings for Riley concrete. 

How can Maria see through her so easily? Ellie looks away, trying to ignore the heat rising in her cheeks. From the corner of her eyes, she watches Tommy slip off the desk and stare at her in disbelief. Ellie’s silence is her answer, and it’s all these two require.

‘Fuck.’ Tommy runs a hand through his hair. ‘Holy shit.’

Maria softens her expression, and Ellie thinks it close to pity. 

‘Then you must keep pushing her for answers,’ she says.

Ellie raises a brow. ‘You still want me involved?’

Maria frowns. ‘What’s changed, Ellie?’ She sighs. ‘It was pretty obvious to me how you felt towards this girl, but I never needed to ask until now. I know you want this camp protected––it _is_ your home. So, I hope I’m correct in assuming you’ll place this camp before the girl?’

‘You’re damn right,’ Ellie replies, a little too quickly. ‘You don’t need to worry about that.’

Tommy and Maria exchange glances. 

‘All right,’ Tommy says. ‘I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt, kid. Convince me; make me fall in love with her too, and I’ll get those fucking chains off her.’

‘Thanks…?’ Ellie winces slightly when Tommy––a little too roughly––pats her back, and exits the room. Maria steps past Ellie, and walks to the other side of the desk. ‘You seriously don’t have a problem with this?’

‘Not unless you give me a reason to,’ Maria responds. She squints slightly. ‘And if you give me a reason, you won’t sleep easily for a long time.’

Ellie nods. ‘Whatever you say.’

The order couldn’t be clearer.

 

 

 

 

 

By now, Riley can recognise the pattern of footsteps. Although she hasn’t been locked in this camp for very long, there are a few patterns which she can put a face to. This one, however, she doesn’t recognise and as the door opens, she scrambles to her feet. Maybe it’s the military training, or constantly having to be alert in fear of clickers, but she instantly assumes a threat.

The visitor isn’t Ellie, or the blonde woman who met her a couple of days ago.

It’s the smuggler. The old man who took Ellie under his wing, and helped her escape; who went through the effort of guiding her to the Fire Flies, and then killing every single one of them. Riley presses her back to the wall, and watches him closely. For his age, he’s fit, and, if he wanted, he could smash her bones without trying.

He won’t do that, though. The smuggler looks too tired for any kind of violence, and she doubts he has come to see her for that reason. Riley is silent while he takes the chair, and sits down. He lets out an exhausted sigh as he does, and there’s a brief pause between them. The smuggler sniffs, and finally looks up at her. He has dark eyes, black rings underneath, but no one within this camp looks especially pretty. To her surprise, he smiles.

A little. But it’s a smile.

‘Joel,’ he says.

‘I know your name,’ Riley tilts her head. He looks at her, puzzled, and she answers his silent question: ‘Your brother said it in front of me before.’

‘Ah.’ He chuckles. ‘Didn’t hear it from Ellie, then?’

‘You wanna talk about her? That’s why you’re here?’

‘Take it easy,’ Joel says, his voice soft and understanding. Riley doesn’t know what to make of his manner, but she’s not convinced of his sincerity. ‘She doesn’t actually know I’m here, but she doesn’t need to. Does she?’ He leans back. ‘I’ll bite. Tell me what it is between you both, and I’ll climb off your back. How’s that sound?’

‘Why d’you care what we are?’

‘Because.’ Joel hardens his expression, and his face suddenly darkens. ‘ _Because I do_.’ He presses his hands together. ‘Are you gonna make this more tricky than it needs to be?’

Riley isn’t aware of the crooked smile passing her lips. ‘Isn’t she a fucking pain? How she can make you care about her so easily.’ Joel drops his gaze to his feet, then back at her again. ‘I know what this is about.’

‘Do you?’ He challenges.

‘Come on,’ Riley says quietly. ‘I know you lied about the Fire Flies––’

‘Yeah, and you didn’t hesitate to tell her, did you?’ Joel pauses. Inhales. ‘Did you also tell her that you wanted to remove her brain? That you, her supposedly best friend, want her dead?’

‘I don’t––’ Riley scowls. ‘Fuck you.’

Joel raises his brows. ‘Make me understand, kid. That’s why I’m here.’

Really, all Riley wants to do is slam her head into a wall. She has a horrible feeling Joel won’t listen, and he genuinely doesn’t give a fuck about her or the Fire Flies. However, she’s willing to try. Ellie would want her to, at least.

‘I know about the others––the failed vaccines. I didn’t think it’d work with Ellie either, so I tried to reason with Marlene. She was so obsessed with it all, though––and you didn’t see her. You didn’t see how much the whole thing aged her. It literally sucked the life outta her. But after everything that’s happened, I was pretty fucking desperate for a cure too, and Ellie… she’s tough, y’know? She’s not like the others. It was a risk, yeah, but…’

_But it could have worked._

Riley curls her lips, and looks down. 

‘Call me heartless, but what she means to me, doesn’t matter.’

‘Don’t give me that survival of the fittest bull––’

‘You were fucking selfish to take her away like that. Without giving us all a chance again. Don’t fucking blame me for your stupidity. Bet you’ve lost someone special in the past––’

‘Watch it––’

‘You wouldn’t give Ellie’s life to bring her back?’

Joel stops. 

The two don’t know each other. They’ve just met, and, yet, it’s as if their entire life has been uncovered. Horror floods through Joel’s eyes, and he’s frozen in place. 

Then, suddenly, he stands to his feet. The impact causes the chair to topple back, and he walks over, grabbing Riley by the scruff of her collar. ‘Yeah, I lost someone. I lost my own little girl, and she’s dead. She’s dead, and not you, or Ellie, or the fucking Fire Flies could bring her back to me. You have _no_ idea what you’re talking about.’

‘I don’t?’ Riley laughs, almost mockingly. ‘I might not have a kid of my own, but I know what loss is, old man. When my dad turned, I watched while he ripped my mother to shreds. He finally turned on me, and you wanna know what I did?’ Joel exhales shakily, and says nothing. ‘I stabbed him. I kept stabbing him until there was nothing left of him; and I was younger than you’d think.’

Riley pushes Joel off her, and he steps back. 

‘I’ve killed hundreds. _Had_ to kill hundreds because everybody keeps turnin’. Every _fucking_ day somebody else is infected. So, you can sit on your ass, feeling sorry for yourself, or you can _try_ and do _something_.’

‘Give Ellie in?’ Joel growls. ‘That’s what you mean?’

Riley’s throat narrows. So to hide her tears, she wipes her eyes with her sleeve. ‘Do whatever you want. But fuck off with assuming you know anything about us. That you know anything about me.’ _That you know Ellie_. That if Joel turned away, and asked _Ellie_ about this, he might earn a better answer. Not come to Riley, and blame her.

Somehow, they’ve nearly reduced each other to tears, and Riley thinks it almost _funny_ what Ellie has done to them. How they’ve come to care so dearly for a person who ought to be dead. 

Joel covers his mouth with his hand, and then pinches the bridge of his nose. Shaking his head, he places the chair back, and sits down. Riley hasn’t moved from the wall, and, slowly, she slides down to the floor. They sit there in the quiet, amazed and silenced by their brief, yet heated exchange of words. Riley watches him, and she can’t help but feel sorry for the man.

‘When she got bit…’ Joel’s voice cracks, and he allows the sentence to trail off and die.

But she knows what he’s referring to. 

‘I was gonna wait it out with her.’

Joel looks at Riley, but she doesn’t meet his gaze. She averts her eyes to the wall above his shoulder, and her vision blurs at the memory. Joel sighs. ‘You were?’

‘No one deserves to die alone.’

‘No.’ Joel’s mind latches onto the face of Tess, and he clears his throat, afraid he might let himself go. Afraid the pain might hurt too much. ‘And when she would have turned…?’

‘I sometimes think about that. Never really decided if I’d let her infect me, or I’d shoot her first.’

‘So…’

‘So, I told her she had two options.’ Riley leans her head against the wall, and finally meets his line of gaze. ‘The first option is the easy way out. It’s quick. Painless. Then there was option two: keep fighting. Even if it’s just for another minute. Another tiny second. It’s worth fucking fighting for. Whatever time we have left together, it’s worth it.’

Joel looks away, and she notices the tears in his eyes.

‘I didn’t wanna give her up, so… I asked if she’d wait it out. If we’d wait it out.’ Riley smiles. ‘Be all poetic, and lose our minds together.’

‘Then what happened?’

‘Nothing. We waited a day, two days––the infection never spread.’ Riley feels a tear run down her cheek, and it takes her by surprise. She wipes it away. ‘Marlene said she was special once––immune was the last thing I thought Ellie to be.’

‘Why’d you take her to the Fire Flies?’

‘It wasn’t as if I dragged her along with me. She wanted to as well. When we found Marlene, I was seperated from her. She ended up with you, and that was it.’

‘You never tried looking for her?’

‘I had enough shit to handle. And then I heard Marline finally found her, and then you were shooting up the place. You shot a bullet in her head, and ran off with Ellie. That was real nice of you, by the way.’

‘What choice did I have?’ 

Riley doesn’t answer. She’s lost the energy to argue, and reliving the memory of all those years ago has drained her. Going back to then, when she was certain her best friend would die and turn mad––when she was certain her best friend would eventually try to eat her alive––is excruciating. Her heart feels _squeezed_ , and her lungs weighed down.

An answer isn’t necessary, though.

Joel regrets the question he asked, and the horror Riley revealed to him is a lot to wrap his head around. In a way, he’s grateful he never witnessed Ellie in that position. In a way, he’s grateful it wasn’t him who offered her the options.

To be poetic.

A minute passes. Then another minute.

Joel exhales, and stands to his feet. He looks down at Riley, fists clenched, but there’s nothing but a clear understanding in his eyes. There aren’t anymore questions to ask, no more answers to be heard. With that, he turns away, tired and aged, and leaves the girl in the dark.

 


	6. 6

It happens at dawn.

The alarm pierces through her ears, and brings her back to military school. She still remembers dashing out of the bed, straight into the freezing cold water without any complaints. The heavy artillery thrown into her hands. The combat she was forced into. In the military, they trained little children on how to kill. 

This is no military drill.

Riley listens to the frantic footsteps outside the door and up above, where men and women either hide or get into position. The alarm doesn’t cease. Soon, she hears yelling. Orders and screams and the sound of gunfire. 

Immediately her thoughts go to Ellie. Heart pounding, Riley stands to her feet and approaches the door with caution. Pressing her ear to the surface, she listens out for anybody nearby. The noise is too far away, though, and, for now, she’s safe in her cell. Unknowing of what is happening outside. Riley has no idea what could be happening, and she has no idea whether those in charge of this camp have had many invasions such as these.

Hunters. Hunters have broken through the electric fence, and either they’re after this territory, they want their supplies, or they’re on some fucked up killing spree. Riley is willing to bet on all three. During her years as a Fire Fly, she’s come to understand just how corrupt and insane military soldiers are. The name “hunter” certainly fits their cruel and desperate ways of survival. Knowing they now roam above causes her blood to boil.

Riley widens her eyes when she hears somebody approaching her cell. Stepping back, she braces herself, prepared to duck from a bullet, or snap her intruder out cold. The door opens, and she’s ready, but it isn’t a hunter. She recognises this man from before. Slightly long, brown hair; stubbled face. It’s the man who questioned her the first time, Ellie and Joel witnessing the event. Riley thinks his name is Tommy, although she’s not sure.

Sweat glistens across his forehead, and he’s breathing heavily. ‘Can you fire a gun?’

Without waiting for an answer, he comes over, unlocks the handcuffs around her wrists. Riley winces at the sting. No time given, he chucks a shotgun in her direction. Riley catches it, checks the amount of ammo. Looks up at him. ‘What the fuck’s going on?’

‘Hunters––I guess you’re familiar with them. There are a lot. We could use all the help there is. Can I trust you?’

‘You gonna throw me back in this shithole afterwards?’

‘I haven’t thought that far ahead, kid.’

There isn’t any time to consider her options. Riley tightens her grip on the shotgun, and steps towards him. He turns on his heel, and, together, they dash out of the cell and outside. Riley is relieved to feel the coolness of fresh air, but the pleasant sensation doesn’t last long. A bullet passes her ear, and she quickly ducks for cover. 

From the corner of her eye, she watches Tommy crawl out of range, before running off in the opposite direction. She assumes he’s gone in search of ammo, or more help, but Riley loses interest. Her main concern is finding Ellie.

She doesn’t know the camp, though. From where she’s crouched, she spots one of Tommy’s men nearby, reloading his gun. That’s when she sees them. Four hunters. Three of them have taken cover behind a wall, whereas the other has what looks like a grenade in his hand. Just as he’s about to trigger it, Riley straightens, takes aim––and fires.

The bullet explodes through his head, and out of the back of his skull. The impact is so horrific, it causes her victim to fly backwards. 

A spray of gunfire is shot in her direction. But she’s no longer in view.

‘You’ll fucking pay for that, you bitch!’

Riley wishes she had more than a shotgun on her. However, she’s not in a position to complain. Scowling at his remark, she peers over the top of what she hides behind. One of the hunters has appeared, walking quietly in search of her. 

Suddenly one of Tommy’s men jumps out, and grabs the hunter by his collar. Riley identifies the knife in the hunter’s hand, and dashes forwards. Before any harm can be done, she slams the butt of the shotgun into the hunter’s face. He yelps, and collapses unconscious. The man she saved offers a smile, but they quickly hide again at the sound of bullets.

‘Here,’ he says.

A molotov cocktail is passed over, and she gladly accepts. 

Riley peeks over again. The last two hunters have started to approach. Riley lights the molotov, and throws it. 

The blast causes the ground beneath her to shake. The hunters are thrown off the platform, and all that’s left is flames and burnt wood. 

And she runs. 

Riley hurries towards the door ahead, and once inside, she pauses and listens. Somebody is close. She crouches low, and searches for any kind of weapon she can use. Unfortunately, nothing obvious appears, and she’s stuck with her fists and the shotgun. Riley is silent while she approaches whoever is inside the room.

Behind one of the tables, she spots his boots. Dirty and worn. His trousers are baggy, and there’s a long blade strapped to his back. Riley swallows, and watches while he turns away, back to her. Her heart beats so loudly, she’s afraid he might hear. But he’s unmoving, guarding the entrance without the slightest clue he has company.

Just as she’s about to pounce, she hears a man call out. 

‘Phil? You there?’

The hunter looks over, ‘Yeah, I’m here.’ _Fuck_. Riley ducks again. The two men walk over to one another, and it’s Phil who speaks. ‘Six men down. These fucking animals. Nobody’s seen the girl yet, though.’ 

‘You sure she got caught here?’

‘That’s what I heard.’ He scoffs. ‘I’m gettin’ fucking tired of these Fire Flies, man. After their leader was killed––shame I missed it––I thought that’d be it. Turns out they got more leaders elsewhere. Somethin’ about keeping up hope, or whatever the fuck it is they love to brainwash people with. I swear there was one of them fucks here.’

‘I guess you tried the cells?’

‘Yeah. All’s clean. You don’t think she made it out, do you?’

‘Ran off? Yeah, right. She’s a fucking _kid_. Hasn’t got in in her.’

One of their transceivers goes off, and they respond to their commander’s orders. They leave the room, unaware that the Fire Fly they’re looking for hides behind one of the desks. Amazed at what she’s heard, Riley clutches onto her shotgun, and exhales slowly. 

If hunters are searching for her, then that must mean the Fire Flies are too.

They _know_ she’s here, in _this_ camp; and they know she’s been taken prisoner.

Riley waits until they’re gone. Carefully, she passes the desk, and goes through the door they went through. The shotgun starts to weigh down her hands, and her senses are heightened; more alert, more sensitive to the slightest movement. She nearly trips over a dead body, and the sight makes her feel queasy. 

_That could be Ellie_.

Unwilling to waste a second longer, Riley dashes onwards, in pursuit of only one person.

 

 

 

 

 

Blood splashes across her shirt. Ellie shoves the corpse off of her, and rolls onto her stomach. Ears ringing, she crawls around the corner, and vanishes from sight. Unarmed, she helplessly snatches a screwdriver lying on the ground, and clings onto it dearly. 

‘You fuckers,’ she whispers. 

They burst through the dormitory, and shot three of her roommates. They shot them dead, and then they went for her. But Ellie was too fast. She escaped death. _Just_. But there are more. Hundreds more outside, and she doesn’t know what they want. Why they’re here. Why they would kill them all without a second’s hesitation.

God, she _hates_ hunters more than anything in the world.

Two strong hands lift her onto her feet, and she yells out, elbowing her offender in the face. Joel swears, and drops her. Ellie gasps, and looks up at him. Before she can say a word, he covers her mouth with his hand, and drags her away. He pulls her into a room, and slams the door shut behind him. 

Ellie digs the screwdriver into the wall. ‘Fuck these guys.’

‘Quiet.’ He looks out of the window. ‘All right; we’ve lost ‘em. For now.’ Joel glances at her. ‘Any idea why they’re here?’

‘I know _shit_ , Joel. Just having a decent _sleep_ and then these fuckers come in and––’

‘Are you hurt?’

Ellie slumps her shoulders. ‘No. Can’t say that for my roommates, though. They’re dead.’

‘Oh, Christ.’

‘What the fuck are they after?’

‘I don’t think it’s a _what_ , Ellie.’ 

‘What…?’ Ellie frowns. ‘You mean, they’re looking for somebody?’

‘I don’t know. Come here.’

He gestures Ellie to follow him. They proceed to the opposite end of the room, towards the back door. Joel goes through first, and, after realising Ellie’s unarmed, he passes her one of his revolvers. Both he and Ellie make sure the coast is clear, before continuing. 

Their main objective is to get rid of as many hunters as possible. But Ellie has a hunch Joel wants to find his brother first––

_Riley_.

Ellie goes pale. Dread embraces her whole, and she tugs at Joel’s top. 

‘I’m going to the holding cells.’

‘You’re _what_?’

Horrified, Joel grasps for Ellie, but she slips out of his reach and hurries off to her destination. She hears Joel call for her, but his words fall on deaf ears. Oh, God, how could Tommy have left Riley in that cell? She might be dead.

Riley might already be dead, and Ellie might already be too late.

_oh god oh god oh fuck oh god_

There’s the tap. The weight of something crashing at her feet––

–– _fire_.

Ellie is distracted momentarily. But it’s plenty of time for a hunter to yank her back, and wrap his arm around her neck. Ellie is hauled from the ground, and she chokes, digging her nails into his arm, but her attempts are fruitless. Oxygen severely limited, she begins to grow dizzy; faint, and the image of Riley seems to disintegrate with whatever small amount of breath she has left.

The bullet sounds massive. Ellie slams to the ground, winded and barely conscious. Footsteps. Joel grabs her by the collar, forces her onto her feet. She can hear him screaming at her; telling her to get up. _Get a fucking grip, Ellie_. Groaning, she tries to return to her senses, but just as her vision focusses, another blast sends the two flying.

She tastes blood.

Her mouth fills up with it, and she coughs. Blood spurts from between her lips. Ellie rolls onto her front, and coughs again. She tastes blood, smells it, and it makes her want to retch. Then she’s kicked in the stomach, and then she’s kicked again, and somebody presses the heel of his boot into the small of her back.

‘I smell a Fire Fly nearby.’

The blade feels cold against her cheek.

‘You wanna start opening up, or shall I give you a hand first?’

It all makes sense. These hunters are after Riley.

But why do they want her specifically?

Ellie moans in pain. She moves onto her back, looking up at him. ‘Fuck, you’re ugly.’

He slams his foot into her face.

The agony is indescribable. Her nose is crushed, and she can barely open her eyes.

‘Don’t wanna cooperate? Fine.’ He grabs his gun. ‘I’ll shoot your old man. What do you think?’

Ellie turns her head, and there’s Joel lying on the ground, eyes shut. The blast must have knocked him out. Gasping, Ellie glares up at the hunter. She’s silent while he leans forward, and presses the snout of the gun to her forehead.

‘You’re a pretty girl, though––might get rid of you once I’ve _fucked_ you enough.’

Ellie spits at him, and he flinches.

‘Go fuck yourself.’

A grin. He _clicks_ the gun. ‘Suit yourself.’ And then, he places the gun down, and straddles her hips. ‘You want it the _hard_ way? I’ll give you just that––’ Ellie tries to knee him in the crotch, but he’s one step ahead. Holding her down, he struggles to unfasten her jeans, and as much as she resists, he succeeds to unzip the flyer, ready to yank them down––

–– _bang_

He’s motionless for a while. The bullet hole pours with blood from his neck, and he stares ahead, swaying slightly. 

Ellie shudders when his head is pulled back, and a knife is ripped across his neck. Blood gushes everywhere, and he collapses to the side. The knife drops to the ground, and Riley desperately grabs Ellie by the arm, pulling her up. Riley shoves Ellie close, protectively, and turns, firing her gun at a hunter running for them.

‘The roof!’

At Ellie’s words, Riley looks up. Sure enough, a hunter has aimed on them with his sniper, but she beats him to it. The bullet stabs into his skull, and he falls the height, slamming down. Exhaling in relief, Riley turns to Ellie. ‘You okay?’

‘H––how did you get out?”

‘Your leader did.’ Riley softens her expression. ‘Ellie, you’re bleeding.’

Trembling, Ellie wipes her bloody face with her sleeve. ‘Yeah.’ She forgets the broken nose, and possibly shattered ribs. Because Joel is lying unconscious nearby, and she has to get him to safety. ‘Help me with him.’ The two hurry to Joel’s body, and together they lift him onto his feet. Sharing his weight between them, they take him into a room nearby, before gently laying him down. ‘Is he still breathing? Check his pulse.’

Riley does, while Ellie presses an ear to his chest.

‘He’s breathing,’ Ellie gasps. ‘Fuck. Is he injured?”

‘Just knocked out.’ Riley leans forward, and takes Ellie’s wrist. ‘Hey. Look at me.’ Ellie looks down at where Riley holds her. Then at her face. Riley’s eyes are warmer than usual, and Ellie identifies the concern. The worry. After all, her best friend is severely wounded. Riley scrambles to her feet. ‘Stay there. I’m going to get something to clean you up.’

‘I’ll be here,’ Ellie murmurs. She still tastes blood. Her ears still ring. 

It doesn’t take long for Riley to return, a used, torn flannel in hand. When she kneels down before Ellie, they’re quiet. Ellie flinches at the touch of the flannel, but she allows Riley to wipe away most of the blood. This allows Riley to see where Ellie is hurt, and what blood is actually hers. 

Then she pauses. Scrunches up the now reddened flannel, and chucks it aside. 

‘Riley,’ Ellie says. Anxious, she’s about to stand to her feet, but Riley pulls her back down again. ‘They’re still out there, and they’re––shit, they’re after _you_. And they’re still out there. We gotta––I have to do something.’

‘Shh. Don’t.’

Ellie stops. And she watches her. She doesn’t look away. She keeps her eyes on Riley, and just her. And the horror of what happened seconds ago floods in her mind, and she inhales harshly. If Riley didn’t find her in time, God knows what would have happened to Ellie. To Joel.

To either of them.

Riley tenderly caresses Ellie’s cheek. Her fingertips pass a fresh wound, and the younger woman flinches slightly at the sting. Riley’s touch is gentle, and intimate, and wonderful. Ellie leans into her hand, and allows herself to pause. Just for a moment. Just to recover. 

‘You poor girl.’

All too soon, Riley lowers her hand, and walks towards the window. Ellie waits, prepared for more attacks; more threats. More gunfire, and blood, and men holding her helpless body down. She waits for the inevitable––

––but it doesn’t happen.

They hear the _crackle_ of a transceiver. Ellie looks up at Riley, and says nothing while her friend follows the source of the noise. Riley kneels down to Joel, and searches in his jacket pocket. Sure enough, she discovers his transceiver. 

A voice is heard. Tommy. 

He’s asking for Joel, for anybody––if anybody is alive.

Riley looks over at Ellie. 

Responds to the call. ‘I have one man unconscious, and another severely injured. But, we’re alive.’

There’s a pause. Then: ‘ _Is… is my brother there? You have my brother with you, kid?_ ’

‘Yeah. Yeah, I got him.’

Another pause. When Tommy speaks again, his voice is shaking, and Riley is certain he’s close to tears.

‘ _Thank you._ ’

 

 

 

 

 

Corpses litter the camp, but there are more survivors than deceased. This is a fact Tommy holds onto while he prepares himself to dig grave after grave. Fortunately, most of the hunters are down, and those that remain have been kept as hostages. Tommy isn’t keen on torture. But answers are needed. Order is needed.

He won’t have anything like this happen again.

Sitting in the office he shares with Maria, Tommy watches the Fire Fly girl from the other side of his desk. Neither have washed themselves since the invasion. The girl is covered in blood, but he doubts any of it belongs to her. 

He thinks it odd how somebody with such a warm face can be, well, _dangerous_. 

‘My brother. I guess I should thank you.’

‘You’re welcome. I guess.’

Tommy cocks back his head. ‘So, what d’you want?’

‘Huh?’

‘I owe you quite a debt, kid. You helped out. I dunno if you consider us the enemy too, but you saved my brother.’ He shrugs. ‘I gotta lot of bodies to bury. Lost a couple of friends this morning, and I don’t want more problems than I already have. So, what’s it gonna be? You want food? You want medicine? What is it?”

Riley folds her arms. ‘You’ll give me anything?’

‘Sorta. Depends.’

‘How about my release?’

Tommy narrows his brows. Leans back in his chair. They watch each other. 

He twitches a smile. ‘Yeah. I’ll let you out. But we got a rule here, kid. You don’t work, you don’t get fed. You don’t do what you’re told, you’ll be kicked out. You give me any kinda shit, Fire Fly, and I’ll make you pay.’

‘And what about me being a Fire Fly? Still gonna have me around?’

To her surprise, he shrugs. Uncaring. ‘In here, we don’t give a fuck who you are, where you came from. If I can trust you, then I don’t give a fuck. Call yourself a Fire Fly if you wanna, but it means nothing to me.’

‘That’s awfully generous.’

‘Enemy of my enemy is my friend. And my brother might be dead if it weren’t for you. So. There’s that.’

Riley has already decided. If she’s allowed her release, then she’ll help. She’ll help keep this camp going in whatever way she can. Why? Well. She can only think of one reason. If it means being with Ellie, and being with her when chains aren’t around her wrists, then it’s all worth it. That’s a definite. A certain.

They both stand, and shake hands in an agreement. 

Before Riley is given permission to excuse herself, Tommy retrieves something from his desk drawer.

The dog tags are offered back to her. 

‘When I was a Fire Fly, I loved these things. Made me feel like somebody. I know they’re special.’

Riley accepts them, and slips them over her head. Her name remains engraved into the metal, as well as the Fire Fly logo. Tommy is correct: there is something about these dog tags which make a person feel their worth.

Feel good.

‘Just one question.’

Riley looks at him. ‘Yeah?’

‘I know you Fire Flies like to deny you’re soldiers. That you hate being told what to do, and all of that. But what you just did out there, how you handled the situation: I’ve only seen soldiers act that way, kid.’

For some reason, his remark makes her chuckle. Perhaps there is a sense of irony behind all of this. Or, perhaps it’s solely because she was forced through military training, and she couldn’t shake any of the skills taught.

Faced with a situation where a loved one is in danger, though, who wouldn’t react the way Riley did?

Tommy gestures to the door, and she doesn’t hesitate.

 


	7. 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have slipped in a few headcanons of my own in regards to Ellie's history, and her own mother. Hope you enjoy!

People mourn, and Ellie hasn’t witnessed this kind of behaviour before––not really. Naturally the military avoided emotions such as these, and growing up during the infection, Ellie simply grew up with death. Perhaps what’s shocking is the fact that these deaths weren’t due to the infection, but due to people. Due to the greedy; the corrupt monsters. The amount of deaths has been counted, and it’s more than she assumed. Over twenty were killed during the incident, and more injured.

That’s more than half in the camp.

Ellie is fairly in touch with her own emotions, but the amount of misery which swells the place is a little too much. Once Maria excuses her from her jobs, Ellie disappears inside the barracks, and doesn’t intend to come out anytime soon. The screwdriver she discovered earlier that day remains in her possession. Throwing herself down onto the bed, she twiddles with the tool between her fingers; taps the point. It has only been a little over twelve hours since the attack.

Yet it feels like days ago. Feels as if it happened days ago, and everybody is still trying to cope.

Joel survived. A minor concussion. But he survived, and the medic promised he would be up and about the following evening. Only patience is necessary at the moment. And time. Joel requires rest in order to heal, which means Ellie needs to be out of his way. This comes as a tricky task, but Ellie forces herself not to worry. Or, not to as much as she usually would.

It’s hard, though. They’ve come to care for each other dearly. 

Ellie sits upright, and leans against the wall. The room is dark. A small amount of light filters in through the window, but she prefers the lack of light. There’s something comforting about the night. That is when bodies rest, and the battle ceases. For a bit. Only for a bit, but it still stops. Ellie grips onto the handle of the screwdriver, and digs the point into the mattress. 

A knock at the door surprises her. The last thing she wants is a visitor. The knocking continues, and Ellie lets out an irritated sigh. ‘Fuck off, please.’ Ellie rolls her eyes when her visitor opens the door, but she immediately stands to her feet when she recognises Riley. ‘I thought––you’re out still?’

‘Yeah. Nice greeting, by the way.’

‘Tommy let you out?’

Riley avoids the question. ‘I came to check on you; took me a while to figure out where you might be.’

Frowning at her, Ellie walks to the door and shuts it. ‘Back track a little: if you’re out, then what the fuck are you doing here? Don’t you have your Fire Fly friends to get back to?’

‘I was let out. But not outside the gates. He must have softened up to me when he saw what I could do.’

Despite herself, Ellie smiles crookedly. ‘Oh, yeah? What _can_ you do?’

‘Save your ungrateful behind for starters,’ Riley scoffs. ‘All this time, and I’m still havin’ to rush in to save you?’

The smirk instantly drops. ‘Whatever.’ Ellie returns to the bed, and sits on the edge. She begins to fiddle with her screwdriver again. ‘Could’ve handled it myself. Just, y’know, pointing that out.’

‘Uh-Huh.’ Riley grins, and Ellie struggles to ignore how fetching she looks. ‘Really seemed like you had the situation under control.’ Ellie mumbles something under her breath, and jabs the screwdriver into the mattress. Riley folds her arms. ‘Oh, I’m okay, by the way. Thanks for asking.’

‘Yeah.’ Ellie looks up at her. ‘Yeah, you are.’

‘And you?’ Riley sits beside Ellie. Their knees bump together, and Ellie grows conscious of how close they sit together. ‘Think you got more than just a broken nose.’

‘Medic said I’ll be fine. Bit bruised, is all.’

‘The medic said that?’ Riley cocks a brow. ‘Interesting. I spent the whole day cartin’ in wounded people, and I never saw you once; never saw you talking to _any_ medic actually.’

‘Must have missed me.’

‘I must have.’ 

Ellie sighs. Pinches the bridge of her nose. She hisses between her teeth at the sting. Maybe she should avoid touching her nose from now on. Riley is right: if anything was broken, it was her nose, but Ellie refuses to have treatment. 

She doesn’t want to be tied to a bed, and made a recluse for several weeks.

That sort of thing would get unbearable. Ellie is an active young woman; lying in a bed demands too much.

And Riley has no right to criticise her for that.

‘Thanks,’ she mutters. ‘For, uh, finding me in time.’

‘Sure.’

They fall silent. Time ticks. Ellie can still hear the gunfire, the screams; and she’s not sure why this event has affected her more than any other. She thinks it might be because Joel was involved. That out of her own stupidity, he was wounded. Maybe it’s because it’s been so long since something like this has ever occurred. Or, it could quite simply be about the girl beside her.

Ellie glances down at her hands. Scratched and sore from handling too much artillery, too much violence. Dipped in too much blood. Ellie follows from her wrist, further down her arm. She’s rolled up her sleeves, and very rarely does she notice the bandage. The bite. The bandage is old, and in need of changing, but this bite has been with her for so many years, she just _forgets_.

Forgets that feeling of giving up. When you know you’re about to die in only hours.

When you know, _you know_ , you’ll turn into one of those things.

Death from a bullet is mercy. The people who died in this camp had the easy way out. They don’t know what horror is; what dread is. What it’s like when your entire world crashes around you, and you’re _helpless_. Completely and utterly helpless.

There are cures for bullets. For bleeding.

There are no cures for infection.

Except her. Men and women die every day. But, maybe they wouldn’t have to––not if Ellie consented to the experiment, allowed her skull to be pried apart, and allowed herself to die.

‘Say, Riley.’ She touches the bandage, idly, and the words tumble from her lips. ‘Would you rather I was dead?’

‘Wh––’ Riley blinks. And then there’s nothing. No comment, no response whatsoever. Bravely, Ellie meets her line of gaze, and it couldn’t be clearer. It couldn’t be more obvious what Riley is thinking, and Ellie can’t blame her. She can’t blame her for that. 

Ellie slips off the bed. ‘Sorry.’ Maybe. Maybe if Joel didn’t rescue her, the vaccine might have succeeded; the population would grow. Yes, Ellie would be dead, but, in the long-run, her life would amount to nothing. The rest of mankind outweighs her own life. 

Just as Ellie reaches for the door, Riley hurries forward, and bars her exit. Surprised, Ellie widens her eyes, and steps back. Riley’s expression is troubled––close to anger, but Riley hasn’t ever been the angry type. She gets frustrated, but never angry. 

Yet her voice is soft when she speaks.

‘Before we go into this, I just wanna ask you a question.’

Ellie waits.

‘What would you do in my position? If you were me, and I were you: what would you do?’

‘Leg it.’ Riley frowns. ‘I’d get out of here, and _go_. Seriously. This place sticks of dead meat.’ Ellie chortles, but the humour dies when she sees Riley’s face.

‘You’re gonna joke? _Now_ , of all times, you’re making jokes? You’re really fucking funny, Ellie.’

Ellie snorts. ‘I dunno what I’d do, okay? I don’t give a shit.’ She shrugs. ‘This whole thing is bullshit. If you want me, Riley, then do it now. Knock me out cold, and take me to one of your fucking labs. Oh. Oh, hey, how about this? I’ll go willingly. Saves you the extra effort, right?’ She offers her wrists for Riley to cuff. ‘Come on: I’m _genuinely_ giving myself to you.’

‘That’s really noble.’

‘Yeah, well… my mum would want it, wouldn’t she? It’d make her proud.’

Riley stiffens at that. Ellie knows Riley has more information on her mother than she’s letting on. Marlene has undoubtedly told her things Ellie has not heard about. Ellie’s mother is a sensitive topic, and Ellie isn’t pleased with her mockery. 

That doesn’t negate her curiosity, though. 

Dropping her hands to her sides, Ellie says, ‘Can’t say I didn’t help you––’

‘Did Marlene tell you that?’

‘… Tell me what?’

‘That you, giving yourself in––that would make your mother proud?’

Ellie swallows. ‘She inferred something like that. The two were close, so I just assumed––’

‘All your mother wanted was for you to be safe.’

A second passes. Those words sink in, and Ellie is speechless for a short moment. ‘What?’

Riley looks away. She may not have known Ellie’s mother personally, but the things she’s saying; the things Marlene said to her––they’re lies. And even if Riley has devoted most of her life to the Fire Flies, she’s not stupid. She’s aware of the delusions, the false promises Marlene shared. The fact that she swore to Anna to keep Ellie safe, keep her out of harm’s way, but had to break such a promise eventually.

So desperate to make sure her daughter wasn’t touched, Ellie was taken to military school.

And if she hadn’t met Riley, if they never happened, then maybe Ellie wouldn’t have to deal with what she’s faced with.

Being special. _Gifted_. Nothing sounds more ugly.

Riley steps past Ellie, and sits on the bed again. She fiddles with the cuff of her sleeve, and goes through the hundred of things she could say. But the years before they met, and then the years they were apart––too much happened. In the past five years, especially, Riley doesn’t know where to start. What she discovered, what she learnt about the Fire Flies; about how the infection spread in the first place.

Raising her gaze, she looks at Ellie––and looks at her properly. She might be as small as before, but her face is more angular, and her body has changed slightly due to her adult years. Ellie is thin, but all of this time trying to survive has made her sturdy and fit. The scars written across her face, and the rest of her form are evidence of the amount of trials she’s been through. Perhaps during a time when the infection didn’t exist, Ellie might not be considered pretty or necessarily clean, but––

––as it’s always been, Riley hasn’t witnessed anybody more perfect.

Ellie wears her wounds. And they make her who she is. They make her beautiful.

‘For the record, Marlene told me a load of bull too. Just took me a while to figure it all out. She was a good leader, but after working under her for so long, I found it difficult to cooperate. If you wanna know what your mother wanted, she just wanted you safe––she didn’t know you were immune. No one did until we found out together. Marlene only called you special ‘cos she promised to watch out for you.’ 

Ellie hasn’t moved, and she listens intently. Riley wonders if anybody has revealed so much about her mother, if anybody has stilled her with their words, and what’s remarkable is that Riley hasn’t even started the whole story yet. She sighs, but the way Ellie watches her still makes her lungs ache; makes her want to scream.

‘I was there when six people were experimented on. They were immune as well. Marlene wanted me to observe the surgery. Each time, she made me observe; to see where we went wrong, what we needed to watch out for. Sometimes, the patient died immediately on the operating table. Other times, they survived right to the end. But I watched them die and after so many, I just––I didn’t want you to be next.’ 

Their faces haven’t left her mind. She remembers each one as clearly as she sees Ellie today.

‘Marlene told me about… about how you were conceived. What happened to your mum. I’m sorry.’ Riley stops, but Ellie still hasn’t reacted. She hasn’t been informed about her birth either, how her mother became pregnant, but it’s a topic Riley believes should be avoided for now. ‘She took you in, and when you were sent off to military school… you were supposed to stay there. I guess I ended up fucking her plans, because I got you out of the quarantine zone––multiple times. Once you were out for good, once you were bitten, we had to smuggle you out. Take you to one of the labs, and she hoped you’d be the last experiment.’

When Ellie replies, her voice shakes. ‘What did _you_ want?’

‘Back then, I was desperate to be a Fire Fly. That was all I wanted. After everything that’s happened since I last saw you, I… I really do think there is only one right way: you’re the cure, Ellie.’ She inhales. ‘But I can’t––I can’t take you. Because maybe Joel’s right: it’d be pointless. It could be a failure, and if it was a failure, I wouldn’t be able to fucking live with myself.’

‘And if it’s not? If it did work?’

‘That’s the funny part. Sometimes, I don’t care anymore. Sometimes, I just don’t give a fuck about the vaccine, because when I look at you, you’re all I want––’ Riley stops, and mentally curses herself for that dumb remark. She rolls her eyes. ‘That was gross. Sorry.’

‘Oh.’ Ellie clenches and unclenches her fist. Her heart flutters, and she catches her breath. ‘Yeah, that was… that was…’ She’s motionless for a moment longer, staring at the wall above Riley’s shoulder. She doesn’t know what shocks her the most. What part of Riley’s speech startles her, or whether it’s her words at all, but just _her_. Just her, here, right now, _alive_.

And wanting her. Not a cure, not a vaccine; just her.

‘I led you out of the quarantine zone. That’s how all of this started. How can you forgive me?’

Forgiveness? Ellie stirs, and looks at her, puzzled. ‘What’re you talking about?’

‘You were a kid. I suppose you didn’t know any better, but I liked you. You were fun.’

‘Were?’

Riley pulls a face. Then she chuckles slightly, and considers shrugging it all off. To forget it. Just move on. But she knows that’s not possible.

This will stick.

‘I guess you could say I guided you right into the infected––you got bitten because of me.’

‘ _Riley_.’ 

But there’s nothing. Nothing Ellie can deny. 

She remembers that moment. Remembers it all too well. The sting as its teeth buried into her skin. The bullet which went through its skull. Riley grabbing her by the arm, and seeing the mark. The look of _pity_ on her face, and that _fear_ ––

There are too many things to admit to, to confess, to _say_. Ellie goes blank, and does the only thing which makes sense.

She steps over, takes Riley’s face in her hands, and kisses her deeply. All too quickly, Ellie breaks from her, but she can barely focus. Barely register what she’s done. What this could possibly mean. Whether this is a mistake, or right, or whatever the fuck she ought to know.

It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter. Riley gently pulls at Ellie’s collar, and they kiss again. A shudder travels up Ellie’s spine, taken by how warm Riley’s breath feels against her lips, across her cheek. She leans into her, presses her hands onto her shoulders, and responds with equal enthusiasm. This is all so new to her, so different; but it’s wonderful and soft and delicate.

Ellie inhales sharply when Riley’s palms hold her sides, travel upwards, and then down to her hips. No words are exchanged between them, and their kiss is temporary disturbed when Ellie falls into her lap. She can barely think, breathe, _anything_. Her heart is pounding in her ears, and she fears it might explode. Riley’s warmth, her touch, feels like one wave of electricity after the next.

Wrapping her arms around the back of Riley’s neck, Ellie tilts her head, deepening their kiss. She shudders, breathes, when Riley carefully buries her hands beneath her shirt. Spreads her palms across her back, her fingertips passing a scar, and another. Ellie is littered in them. Littered in grazes, bruises, blood and scars she won’t reveal to anybody else. These past five years are painted across her body, and Riley is gentle with her.

The two of them slowly fall back into the mattress, Riley holding Ellie around the waist, and they continue to kiss. Her hands are so soft, so hesitant, and Ellie feels a rush of pleasure. It nearly makes her gasp out. Makes her excited in ways she hasn’t endured before. She kisses her for what seems like hours, days; she doesn’t know, but she kisses her and kisses her, and doesn’t want to stop.

Eventually, they break apart. Ellie exhales, and rests her forehead against Riley’s shoulder. They catch their breath for a moment, holding each other. Riley reaches over, tucking a few strands of hair behind Ellie’s ear. This causes Ellie to react, to come back to her senses, and she sits upright, expression illegible. Riley wishes now more than ever that Ellie would tell her what she’s thinking, what exactly she’s feeling.

‘You okay?’

Okay is something so temporary. Something undetermined, and okay is what Ellie has felt for too long now. But during all of that; kissing Riley––it’s _more_ than _just_ okay.

Due to her lack of response, Riley sits up as well, concerned. 

‘Ellie?’

It’s a silly question. Asking if she’s okay. 

Okay is barely what she feels right now. 

Ellie rubs her eye with the heel of her palm. Lowers her hand. Winces. She glances at Riley, and shuffles closer, before burying her face into the crook of her neck, and cuddling her. She digs her nails into Riley’s shirt, and cuddles her so tightly, so dearly, she barely allows them room to breathe. Their lungs are crushed together. Riley returns her embrace, speechless. 

Then Riley feels every sob shaking through her, feels Ellie cling onto her shirt, and just _cry_. 

‘I want this all to end already.’ Her voice is muffled against Riley’s shirt, but she hears.

Riley is familiar with that emotion. That desire. That _need_. 

When will the nightmare fucking end? They were born into the infection. The infected, the hunters, the Fire Flies––all of these people who _hate_ each other. It’s all they’ve known, and it’s so _draining_. So much. For all of this to end, it would be… it would be impossible. This is their life. This is the life which will ultimately kill them, and it won’t end. Even if it keeps them up at night, even if it haunts their every footstep, this horror won’t come to an end anytime soon.

Riley kisses Ellie’s forehead, rubbing her back soothingly. She knows this is the first time Ellie has allowed herself to break a little; to stop and mourn. Because nobody should have to go through what she’s been through. Nobody should be overwhelmed by the slightest bit of affection, because they receive it so _rarely_.

If ever.

Riley’s comfort seems to calm Ellie down. The trembling stops, and Ellie lets out a long exhale. Tired and exhausted and beaten. She leans back to look at Riley, eyes sore from crying, from fatigue, from everything she’s been forced to see. 

They hesitate, and lean in to kiss each other. This time, it’s much softer than before; less rushed and intense. 

‘Do you need to go?’

Even if she had orders, Ellie wouldn’t follow them. Just for a little while longer, she’ll stay. Heal some more, keeping Riley close––for as long as it takes.

 


	8. 8

_The alcohol tastes bitter, and lukewarm. She scrunches up her nose at the taste. Inspects the label, and swirls the liquid in the bottle. It’s nothing great, but it does the job; and she’s fairly fond of the dizzying effect. Makes the school less unbearable. Only minutes ago, her commanding officer had given her an unreasonable amount of booting._

_Although, to be fair, she did go a bit too far this time._

_That punk deserved it though. If he can stand there, throwing insult after insult solely due to her skin colour, then she’s not going to tolerate his bullshit. No way. So, yeah, she had every damn right to choke him; make his head bleed. And if that means she’s under detention, and forbidden from simple luxuries, such as warm food and free time, then whatever._

_Fortunately, her commanding officer didn’t notice the bottle of alcohol she stashed under the floorboard. After her previous visit with Winston, he had been more generous than usual, offering her not just one, but three bottles of alcohol. It tastes odd, but it’s as good as it gets, so she’s in no position to complain. It helps her calm down, at least._

_‘Is that allowed?’_

_Riley smirks, and watches Ellie approach her. She’s still wearing her military uniform. Clearly the young ones have had training today. Her cheeks are flushed from exhaustion, and her innocence shows when she looks at the bottle in puzzlement. Riley offers the alcohol. ‘Wanna try?’_

_‘Nah, you’re good.’ She rubs the back of her head. ‘Damn, if Sergeant Fuckface spotted me with that, I’d get kicked out in a second.’_

_‘I doubt it,’ Riley chuckles. The girl brings the bottle to her lips, and finishes the drink. Wiping her mouth with her sleeve, she stands up, and zips her jacket. She walks past Ellie, reaching the window, sliding it open. Before she climbs through, Ellie hurries over._

_‘What’re you doing?’_

_‘Getting the fuck outta here.’ Riley grins. ‘You coming?’_

_‘I––’ Ellie folds her arms. ‘You’re full of shit. I ain’t doing that again. Remember last time? We nearly got caught.’_

_‘Nearly.’ Riley shrugs. ‘If you’re scared of_ **_nearly_ ** _, then you can stay. I’m going, though.’_

_‘Where?’_

_Riley throws her a deadpan look. ‘Out of here. Duh.’ Before Ellie can object, she climbs out of the window, and out of sight. Ellie hesitates, staring at the open window. She peers over her shoulder in case anybody is watching._

_‘Ah, fuck this.’ She clambers out of the window, and gasps at the drop. Successfully, she manages to walk across the windowpane, over towards the building next door. Riley is twice her speed, though, so Ellie struggles to keep up._

_Jumping from roof to roof has never been Ellie’s favourite sport. Plus, after a whole day of drills and being scolded at, this kind of activity is the last thing she needs. Her thighs ache, and her throat is dry from lack of hydration._

_That doesn’t stop Riley, though. Clearly._

_Riley dares herself, and leaps across. Ellie widens her eyes when she jumps over the huge gap, and catches the side of the roof. Riley hoists herself up, and turns. ‘You can make it!’ She outstretches her hand. ‘I’ll catch you if you don’t.’_

_‘Gee, thanks,’ Ellie mutters. She stands upright, and stares down at the drop. ‘Oh, fuck. Okay. It’s all cool. Everything’s… everything’s cool. Holy shit.’_

_‘You talking to yourself?’_

_‘No!’ Ellie charges forwards, and jumps. She yells out, missing the rooftop by an inch, but Riley catches her hand just in time. Together, they pull her to the rooftop, and Ellie pushes herself to the surface. She exhales, and collapses momentarily._

_Riley laughs. ‘See? Knew you could do it.’_

_‘Yeah.’ Ellie sits upright. ‘Piece of cake, right?’_

_‘Need a moment to catch your breath?’_

_‘Shut up.’ Ellie scrambles to her feet. ‘Let’s get outta here before they find out we’re missing.’_

_Riley smiles crookedly, and proceeds forward. They climb up another rooftop, up a pipe, in which Ellie accidentally slips. Next, Riley jumps from a slight drop, leading them out of the quarantine zone. Ellie follows suit, clumsily landing, but recovering speedily, catching up with her best friend._

_At that, Riley stops for a second, and admires the view. Ellie gasps, out of breath, and joins her. The view passes by her. She’s too bothered about whether her sergeant might notice her absence. And the fact stalkers could be nearby. Obviously that doesn’t deter Riley in the slightest._

_‘It’s pretty, isn’t it?’_

_‘What is?’_

_‘The view, dumbass.’_

_Ellie raises her head, and follows Riley’s line of gaze. ‘Huh.’ The city is completely deserted, the buildings are ruined, bricks tumbled to the ground. The pavements and road isolated. Devoid of any person. Any kind of life. And the moon shines down, a light of its own, and it creates long shadows, and a strange, peaceful atmosphere. Suddenly, Ellie can picture life, roaming these streets._

_All of its beauty._

_It startles her. Just how vivid that picture is. How real._

_She imagines her own mother walking these streets, hand-in-hand with a nice gentleman. Somebody who made her happy. Ellie lowers her gaze to the ground._

_That must be nice._

_Hand-in-hand with a loved one, without a care in the world._

_To think, that’s what it was like. Once upon a time._

_Ellie looks up at Riley. Then it dawns on her. What this is all about. Ellie sighs loudly, and scowls. ‘I know what you’re doing.’_

_‘What?’ Riley frowns, a grin forming. ‘Enjoying the view, you mean?’_

_‘Funny. You’re after the fuckin’ Fire Flies again.’_

_‘I gave up on that.’_

_‘… Gave up?’ Ellie sniffs, and laughs. Riley pulls a face. ‘You gave up? Wow.’_

_‘Maybe you’re right. Maybe the military is right: the Fire Flies are full of shit. Maybe I should spend my life taking orders, and killing people.’_

_‘Yeah? What’s the difference between the military and the Fire Flies? They kill too.’_

_‘With good reason.’_

_Ellie laughs again, but this time it’s mocking. She shoves her hands into her pockets. ‘Right. Sure. Murder is murder, Ri.’ Regretting the tone of her voice, Ellie adds, ‘Anyway. If you go, what am I supposed to do?’_

_‘You’ve got friends back at the school.’_

_‘You mean,_ **_your_ ** _friends, Riley.’_

_‘They like you, right?’ She shrugs. ‘Besides.’ She looks behind her at the school, barely visible now. ‘I don’t like it there. It’s just… not right. I don’t like it, and they’ve given up on any kinda hope. What good is that for us? They’ve got the wrong idea.’_

_Ellie says nothing. She blinks, runs a hand through her hair._

_‘Let’s keep going.’_

_Ellie watches Riley walk towards the edge of the rooftop, and jump down. A ladder is nearby for them to climb; placed there years ago, before Riley started roaming around. Before Ellie and Riley joined the military, there had been other recruits, other soldiers desperate to escape. Their path remains, untouched and only noticed by the odd few._

_The climb doesn’t take much longer. The worst is over, and Ellie no longer requires Riley’s help. High enough, Riley leads Ellie across and over the gates, not only avoiding an electric shock, but being spotted. Riley leaps off the edge, and lands fairly well. She looks up at Ellie, who has to hesitate. But Ellie has done this before, and so the jump isn’t as frightening._

_Still, she doesn’t land properly. Ellie slips, and smacks her head into the tarmac._

_‘Fuck! Ellie?!’_

_‘Ow.’_

_Riley rushes over, and kneels down. To her relief, Ellie is conscious, and she sits upright, rubbing the back of her head._

_‘You gonna be all right?’_

_‘Yeah, I think so.’_

_Ellie glares when Riley sniggers at her. ‘You’re so graceful. I love that about you.’ The glare softens, and Ellie looks away, hiding the blush forming across her cheeks. They stand, and Riley gestures for Ellie to continue following her. ‘We’re out! You’re getting better at this.’ She flashes a smirk, and the sarcasm hits Ellie immediately._

_‘Tsk.’ She presses a hand to her wounded head. ‘You’re full of shit, Riley.’_

_‘Oh, yeah? I don’t see you complaining.’_

_Ellie rolls her eyes, but can’t help the smile. ‘You gonna tell me where we’re going?’_

_‘Mm. Nah. Guess.’_

_‘Greece?’_

_Riley snorts. ‘Yeah, you got it! We’re gonna lie on a beach, and drink champagne, and do fuck all.’_

_‘Sounds good to me!’_

_The older girl looks back at her friend. ‘Seriously: if you had the choice to go anywhere––anywhere you wanted––where would it be?’_

_‘Uhh… does it have to be on this planet? ‘Cos I got my eyes on Mars right now.’_

_‘Oh, yeah. Mars. I hear that’s habitable.’_

_Ellie chortles. ‘Okay. Hm.’ She rattles through her mind all the continents, islands, all of the places in the world she’s seen on the map, but never visited. Those mysterious pieces of land which she reads about in storybooks, in diary entries. Places she’ll never witness._

_They both round a corner, and the street is, as expected, empty. Ellie relaxes at the sight._

_‘Where’d you wanna go?’_

_Riley is slightly surprised by the question. ‘Hm. I dunno: Greece sounds nice, to be honest. I’ve not really thought about it.’_

_‘Oh.’ Ellie slows her pace, hands in her pockets. She clears her throat. ‘Well, wherever you go, I’d follow.’_

_‘What’s that?’_

_‘Hey, man, I don’t wanna be stuck in this shithole while you’re out there, havin’ the time of your life.’_

_‘I’ll send you a postcard.’_

_Ellie smiles. ‘I’d miss you.’_

_Riley mocks a sad face, laughing quietly. ‘You’d get over it.’ A shadow of doubt passes her expression, and Ellie decides not to respond. The idea of Riley going anywhere, without her––it hurts a little more than she’d let on._

_They eventually find their destination. A small, rotting hut between a couple of abandoned houses. Ellie grows wary of their surroundings, and inspects the area. Riley looks back at her._

_‘Hey.’_

_‘Yeah?’_

_Riley takes her hand, and guides her into the hut. She switches on her flashlight, and leaves Ellie in the doorway. There’s nothing much in the hut. Empty bottles, boxes, medical kits––boring stuff. She kicks a bottle out of the way, and looks over at Riley when she returns._

_A bow and a few arrows in hand._

_‘Dude.’ Ellie beams ear-to-ear. ‘How’d you get this?’_

_‘Just found it.’ Riley passes them over. ‘Have they taught you how to use these in school?’_

_‘Not yet.’ Ellie enthusiastically accepts, and pulls at the bow. She can’t deny that holding a weapon like this excites her. ‘I feel like I’m in a fantasy novel or something.’_

_‘Yeah. Right. First, you need to hold it properly. C’mere.’ Riley pulls Ellie towards her, and positions the girl appropriately. ‘Straighten your back, pull at it a little harder––yeah, that’s it––wait, you’re too tense. Why’re you tense?’_

_‘You keep naggin’ me, man. Let me figure it out.’_

_Riley decides to let Ellie handle the rest. Sure enough, the young recruit holds the bow and arrow properly––eventually––and fires. The arrow is shot in a straight line, and hits the centre of the wall. Riley pats her back. ‘Hey, not bad, Ellie. Wanna try again?’_

_‘That’s cool with me.’_

_Riley passes another arrow. ‘These’ll come in handy if you wanna be silent. Won’t have any clickers running at you if they don’t hear you.’_

_‘Did military school teach you that?’_

_There’s a long pause. And then: ‘No, they didn’t.’_

_Ellie is about to fire. Before it sinks in what Riley has implied. She lowers the bow and arrow, and looks towards her friend. ‘You’ve been with the Fire Flies, haven’t you? You went and saw them again. When the fuck did that happen?’_

_In the little light, Ellie can’t read Riley’s expression very well. But she identifies the guilt. Then, in some hope to lighten the mood, Riley tries to smile apologetically. ‘Can’t really keep any secrets from you, can I?’ She shrugs. ‘You’re smarter than you know.’_

_Ellie forgets about the bow and arrow. She shakes her head. ‘So, when were you gonna tell me?’_

_‘I haven’t **joined** them. I just… went to see them. That’s all. See what they’re about.’_

_‘Whatever, Riley.’_

_‘You’re mad? Get off my fucking back, Ellie. Just because you think they’re full of it, that doesn’t mean I have to agree. I’m just deciding for myself, y’know? You should try it.’_

_‘Hey, man, fuck off. I do decide on things.’_

_Riley stops. She sighs, and seems to recline. ‘I’m not gonna argue with you, all right? Be mad at me, but I know what I want––as my friend, I’d hope you’d be happy for me.’_

_‘I––I am. Quit it with the guilt-tripping!’_

_Turning away, Riley walks over to one of the boxes in the hut, and sits down. She looks up at Ellie, and she’s troubled; uncertain. Not about the Fire Flies, or what she wants, but because of how Ellie treats her. How Ellie views the Fire Flies._

_What the military has forced her to believe._

_‘I don’t want to upset you, Ellie. This’ll be a lot easier, though, if you tried to understand.’_

_‘I understand,’ Ellie replies hotly. She steps over to Riley, glances at the bow and arrow, before throwing them down. ‘Just––you know what? Have you even fucking considered how I feel? ‘Cos, yeah, I’m fuckin’ over the moon that you’ve gone off with the Fire Flies, but you’re leaving me behind when you do that.’ Riley groans impatiently. ‘What am I supposed to do?’_

_‘Survive. Fight. I don’t know.’_

_‘What am I supposed to do without_ **_you_** _?’_

_‘Ellie.’_

_‘You’re my best friend, Riley. Fuck. You’re all I’ve got. If you leave me, I’ll be alone. I need you to stay with me.’_

_‘I’m still with you. Sure, I won’t be inside the quarantine zone, but I’ve got your back. I’ll meet you outside the gates. It’ll be just the same. We just… won’t see each other much during the day.’ Ellie widens her eyes in horror, and Riley jumps to her feet. ‘Ellie, it’ll suck the first few days, but you’ll get used to it. We’ll look back one day at this conversation and laugh. Just––just do this for me. Please?’_

_Ellie opens her mouth to retort, but Riley abandoning her hurts too much. And she fears if she speaks, she’ll just cry. Why does this always happen? Why do the people she cares about leave her in the end? Ellie grabs the bow and arrow and chucks them at Riley. ‘Keep them. I don’t need your pathetic apology.’_

_‘I’m not apologising,’ Riley scowls. ‘I’m not apologising for anything, Ellie.’_

_‘Good for you!’ Ellie’s voice cracks, and she’s pleased she’s not looking at Riley anymore. Otherwise, she’d see the tears welling up in her eyes, and that’d just_ **_crush_ ** _her._

_But they know each other too well. Riley hears the change in her voice._

_Riley softens her expression. Looks down at the bow and arrow. ‘Ellie…’_

_‘Oh, fuck off already. Can I––I just wanna go back home.’_

_‘Fine.’_

_Ellie wipes her eyes roughly. She waits at the door, refusing to look Riley in the eye while she puts aside the bow and arrow. Riley opens the door, and stops briefly, hoping Ellie might meet her gaze. But Ellie’s anger gets the better of her, and she refuses to buckle._

_The climb back to the military school is quicker than usual. They’re both in a hurry. And they’re not talking. Less distractions. Ellie follows behind, a few inches from Riley’s heels. Refusing help when she needs it most. Riley knows this is Ellie’s pride speaking now, but if her friend wants to act this way, then so be it. She can’t argue with her._

_Once they’re back inside the barracks, Riley doesn’t follow Ellie to their dorm. Instead, she stays outside on the balcony. She doesn’t want to return to the bed, to wake up to the harrowing drill. To be around these awful, corrupt people again._

_Ellie stops, and turns back to her._

_She regrets her manner. How she behaved. Ellie tries to ignore how sore her heart is, but it’s impossible. She cares too much for this girl._

_‘I don’t wanna lose you.’_

_Riley sighs, and finally looks at her. ‘I’m not going anywhere. Not unless you want me to.’_

_Her words cause Ellie to tremble, and she fights off the tears threatening to escape. They’ve said all that’s left to say, and Ellie turns on her heel, allowing her friend some space to think._

_But no thought is necessary. A decision has already been made._

 

 

 

 

 

Digging graves is arduous, sweaty work. And there are many graves to create. Still considered untrustworthy, Riley has been given the wonderful job of holding a shovel and digging. By sunset, she’s tired and in need of food and water. However, permission won’t be granted for her to slack off until Maria or Tommy offer it.

Another hour passes. Riley wipes her forehead with the back of her wrist, and stabs the shovel into the earth. Resting her foot atop, she shoves on her shirt, the cool night beginning to hit. She hopes water will be available when she returns. A wash is desperately needed. Just as she’s about to start on another grave, a young boy passes her, and drops something.

Riley pauses. An envelope. She looks at the boy, but he’s already rounded the corner, and out of sight. Riley reaches for the envelope, and removes the piece of paper tucked inside. 

What stares at her is the Fire Fly logo, decorated in dark ink.

Riley quickly scrunches up the piece of paper, and shoves it into her pocket. She picks up the shovel, and immediately returns to work. 

That logo has been sent to her for only one reason. The group she was with before setting off for Tommy’s camp have been searching for her. And now they know where she is. They’ve come for her. When they’ll come to her aid, she’s not sure, but their assistance is definite. And as much as it relieves her that she’ll be out of here soon, she doesn’t want to think how Ellie will feel.

Maybe she’ll be reasonable. She’ll let her friend escape. 

Then again, maybe not.

‘You’ve done a good job.’ 

Riley recognises that voice. It’s the blonde woman from before; Tommy’s wife. Despite her compliment, Maria inspects the graves with distaste. 

‘I hate this,’ she whispers under her breath. She looks at Riley. ‘Guess you’ve made too many of these yourself.’

‘It’s okay.’

Maria walks over, and takes the shovel. ‘You can go. Clean yourself up.’ She pauses. ‘Join us in the mess hall. You deserve a warm meal.’

Riley smiles. Turns on her heel, and heads towards the camp, the piece of paper securely in her possession. 

It has to be done. She’s not staying here; it isn’t where she belongs. And Ellie needs to know.

 


	9. 9

‘How does it taste?’

Cringing, Ellie lifts the spoon and watches the sludge slip back into the bowl. ‘Like shit. You call this food?’ 

At that remark, Joel nudges her. ‘Porridge. It’s porridge.’

‘I ain’t seen porridge like this before.’ 

Joel rolls his eyes. Leaving the bed had been quite a strain, considering his injuries, but if Ellie wishes to be difficult about the food, he honestly doesn’t have the energy to retaliate. If he’s going to be perfectly honest, neither of them have had warm food in months. Especially when its porridge and one can actually _taste_ the oats.

The mess hall is crowded this morning. Hungry men, women and children queue up for food, and, soon enough, all the tables are taken and people resort to standing. Chewing idly, Ellie glances between each individual, and turns her head when the person sitting opposite makes a motion to leave. Ellie wipes her mouth with her sleeve. 

‘You’ve been given a job.’

‘Lucky me,’ Ellie mumbles, dipping the spoon into her so-called porridge. 

‘You know the car they’ve tried to fix? It’s running again. Tommy wants you to take her out.’

Ellie lowers the spoon. A smile reaches her lips. ‘Seriously? Awesome. I haven’t driven a car in ages.’

‘Stick to the path, okay? I don’t want you wandering off. And remember, the engine is loud. Runners can hear you from miles away.’

‘Yeah, yeah. Quiet as a mouse. That’s me.’

‘I’m not joking.’

Ellie snorts. ‘Yeah, I never really took you for a joker, just saying.’

Sighing loudly, Joel turns in his seat to face her properly. Ellie bites down on her lower lip. Maybe she should watch her tongue. Sometimes, Joel’s sense of humour is nonexistent, especially when Ellie is in potential danger.

The amount of times she’s been placed in a “dangerous” situation is too many to count. Joel doesn’t have to worry. Of course, his paternal instincts are hard to shake, and he’s not about to ignore them now of all times. She meets his gaze with an apologetic look, but nothing in his expression signifies he’s prepared to shrug the matter off.

Joel returns to his breakfast. ‘Eat your damn food, kid.’ He raises his spoon to his lips, and stops abruptly once recognising a certain individual enter the hall. Although he had met Riley once before, the two haven’t spoken since. From where he sits, he watches the young scout join the crowds for food. He swallows his mouthful, and looks at Ellie. ‘You should take your friend with you.’

‘I would if I was allowed.’

‘Tommy won’t mind. I imagine you both have a bit of catchin’ up to do.’

Frowning, Ellie abandons her meal. ‘What does that mean?’

Joel stands to his feet, taking his empty bowl. ‘I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt. If you trust her, then so do I. If she doesn’t do anythin’ while on the road with you––’ he shrugs, ‘––it’ll go in her favour. And yours.’ He pats her shoulder once, and departs, slow in his step. Ellie observes him leave with a puzzled expression. 

Throughout her years knowing him, Joel isn’t exactly the merciful type. However, if he’s willing to negotiate on Ellie’s behalf, then that’s something she’ll hold onto. Even so, it makes her nervous. Because while she never stopped trusting Riley with her life, a part of her knows that is her first mistake. At the heart of this constant battle between humans and zombies, the Fire Flies are not Ellie’s ally.

Appetite lost, she avoids the crowds in the mess hall, and hurries for some fresh air. 

 

 

 

 

 

‘ _… Marlene was right. The girl’s infection is like nothing I’ve ever seen. The cause of her immunity is uncertain … There is no elevation of pro-inflammatory cytokines, and an MRI of the brain shows no evidence of fungal-growth in the limbic regions …_ ’ 

Suddenly, she holds down the pause button. Skips a little ahead.

Presses play.

‘ _… We’re about to hit a milestone in human history equal to the discovery of penicillin. After years of wandering in circles, we’re about to come home, make a difference, and bring the human race back into control of its own destiny …_ ’

A man passes by, and she hits pause again. Inspects the recorder in silence, wondering how much of this has been revealed. If the girl they talk about knows the entire truth, or only parts. If what she knows is, in fact, mostly lies.

The very thought sends a chill up her spine, but she’s not about to reject the possibility.

‘ _All of our sacrifices and the hundreds of men and women who’ve bled for this cause, or worse, will not be in vain._ ’

Riley shoves the recorder into her pocket, and watches a couple walk past her, chatting quietly. 

It’s odd how _overjoyed_ the surgeon sounds. How absolutely convinced he is that this operation will succeed, completely unaware of the fact he will be shot dead within seconds. 

Bring the human race back into control of its own destiny.

She nearly laughs. _That_ is a joke.

Riley scrambles to her feet, and she’s about to walk away when she hears her name being called. Turning around, she watches Ellie come rushing forward, a set of keys in her hand. Excitement brims in her eyes, and it’s as if the words Riley heard before were just complete fiction.

The reality can’t be true: this girl has to die, eventually.

‘When was the last time you drove a car?’

A little over a month ago. Instead, Riley says, ‘ _Years_.’

‘Come on.’ Ellie takes her hand, and guides her out of the room, through a hallway, and down a staircase. The two arrive outside, and two men are busy fiddling with a small, red vehicle up ahead. Riley widens her eyes, genuinely surprised to witness a vehicle running. ‘I’ve been asked to give her a spin,’ Ellie remarks, beaming ear-to-ear. ‘Well, I couldn’t say _no_ …’

This could be her opportunity to escape.

Could be.

But every part of her wants to stay. Leaving, leaving Ellie––Riley isn’t prepared. Not yet.

Once the car is ready, the two sit inside, Ellie handling the wheel. She stabs the keys into the ignition, pauses, and then turns it. There’s a rumble, a slight bump, and then––

‘Holy shit! It works!’

One of the men knocks on the roof of the car. Ellie slides open her window, and he leans down to speak to her. ‘Stay safe; don’t do anythin’ stupid.’ He looks at Riley, and his expression hardens slightly. ‘We expect you back. _Both_ of you.’ Ellie glances at Riley, to which her friend mocks a salute.

‘You got it.’

Ellie’s smile has disappeared. She faces the man. ‘I’ll keep an eye on her.’ Riley doesn’t know how to interpret her sudden change of tone. The excitement has gone entirely, and in replacement is this stern, if not _defensive_ young girl. Wisely, the man doesn’t reply. He knocks his fist against the car, and Ellie sets the vehicle into reverse. 

They’re quickly out of the camp. Ellie gets the car into the appropriate gear, and follows the path she’s been ordered to travel. The electric fence and buildings grow smaller and smaller as they progress, and once they reach the trees, and the quiet world beyond, the camp falls out of sight. Riley lets out a breath of relief, and looks at Ellie. It sort of brings back a sense of nostalgia; all of this. The two never really drove together in military school, but simply _being together_ ––it makes her happy, yet in a longing way.

‘You okay?’

Ellie nods. ‘Yeah. You?’

Riley doesn’t answer. She leans back in her seat, and this is the first time she’s ever _relaxed_. First time she’s felt content, and just _whole_. And that was how it was. When they were kids, young recruits in military school. Escaping the quarantine zone solely for kicks. Getting into trouble with the sergeant, the two of them being forced to sleep out in the cold.

Just being daft, because they could be. 

The only time when life _is_ in their control. When the infection, the possibility of a vaccine, when all of that bullshit doesn’t matter anymore.

‘How does it feel havin’ your own _chauffeur_?’

‘That’s a big word. Don’t hurt yourself.’

Ellie smirks. ‘I’m a big girl now; I know a lotta big things.’

Riley raises a brow. ‘Oh, yeah? I doubt that.’ She laughs. ‘You need to be careful; people’ll start thinkin’ you mean something else.’

A second passes. Ellie visibly blushes. Discussion surrounding sex, or anything related to it, has never passed her. Especially considering she usually hangs around with Joel. ‘Not in _that_ area, I guess.’

‘Wait––really? You’ve never…?’ Uncertain, Ellie glances at her. Riley’s grin says it all though. Ellie clears her throat, and faces forward again. ‘Oh, Ellie. You _nun_.’ Riley nudges her playfully. 

‘Shut up.’

‘You’ve never been with a man, have you?’

‘Uh, _yeah_ , I have actually.’

‘Mm. You’re a real player.’

‘You have no idea what I am.’ Ellie cocks back her head. ‘Anyway, I didn’t bring you with me so we’d talk about, y’know, _that_.’

Riley shrugs, and straightens in her seat. ‘What’s wrong with _that_? Makes you blush?’ She sniggers. Ellie pulls a face. ‘I’m kidding! You’re too fucking cute sometimes.’

It’s hard to stop the smiling spreading across her lips. Ellie avoids Riley’s gaze. ‘What about you? Ever been with somebody like that before?’

Propping herself on one elbow, Riley looks out of the window. Nature always takes her by surprise. Even after the infection, and everything else which has happened, the flowers still blossom. Trees still grow. Life goes on. 

‘A few.’

‘A _few_?!’ Ellie gapes at her. ‘You say that as if it’s not many!’

‘Jesus, Ellie.’ Riley grins. ‘Yeah, there were a few, but. There was nothing to it.’ Ellie scoffs quietly. ‘Why? You jealous?’

‘No.’

‘Okay.’

‘I’m not jealous.’

‘Sure, Ellie, sure. I mean, from your _vast_ experience, I’m sure you understand.’ Riley watches her, a teasing look in her eyes. Ellie has tensed in her seat, and it couldn’t be more obvious to Riley that she’s lying. Her best friend was never really the type to get involved in relationships, and as far as men are concerned, Ellie barely notices. 

Gradually Ellie grows conscious of the fact she is being watched. ‘What?’

‘Nothing.’ Riley turns to the window again.

Ellie steals a glance at her. The corner of her mouth twitches. ‘What happened? With them. The guys you were with.’

‘I wasn’t _with_ them. There was one, and we were together for a bit, but it didn’t last. I was too hooked up about––’ Riley stops all of a sudden. Ellie throws a puzzled look. For a while, Riley is silent, and Ellie thinks the topic has been forgotten about. Until she talks again. Softer. ‘After what happened at the lab, I was just too focussed on finding you.’

Riley furrows her brows when Ellie presses down on the brake, and swerves the car, parking it out of the road. Neither say a word, and Riley realises Ellie has stopped for the view. And it’s beautiful. Riley doesn’t think she’s seen so much green in one place. The hilltops appear gorgeous beside the river flowing through.

The sunlight dances across the water, creating a sparkle. And it is utterly silent. All they hear is the sound of rushing water, the occasional chirp of a bird.

No screams, no yells; no gunfire.

Just peace.

‘You were looking for me?’

Riley hesitates. In a way, _yes_. She knew Ellie was alive, and she knew she had to find her. What she would do to her, say to her, Riley had no idea.

But she had to find her.

‘Forget I said anything,’ Riley tries to smile. ‘It’s history, Ellie.’

‘Is it?’ Ellie places her hands on the wheel, but doesn’t drive off. She’s still. ‘Why d’you still wear that thing?’

‘Wear what?’

‘The dog tags.’

Reminded of the cold necklace around the neck, Riley instinctively touches the tags. Her name, alongside the Fire Fly logo. 

Ellie sighs, and falls back into the seat. She avoids Riley’s gaze deliberately, and fiddles with the cuff of her shirt. ‘You took it off, remember? When I asked you to stay? Before.’

‘I remember. But then you got bitten. You remember that too?’ Worried this might develop into an argument, Riley attempts to sound less stern. She turns in her seat, and even if Ellie refuses to meet her gaze, Riley will try. She’ll at least try to send her message across. ‘We were kids back then. I think I–– _we_ got a bit lost in the… moment, I guess.’

‘The _moment_?’

‘Whatever. I just––’ she breathes out, ‘––I dunno how to say this without sounding like a sap.’

‘Well, you _are_ one, so don’t worry about that.’

‘Are you mad at me?’

Ellie should have expected Riley to ask her. She tightens her grip on the steering wheel, and clenches her jaw. Maybe. Yes, maybe she’s mad. Maybe she’s mad because Riley continues to wear those goddamned things, fully aware that the people she works for tried to kill her. They wanted Ellie dead, and there was so _little_ evidence that the vaccine might work.

After everything that’s happened, Riley still believes in the Fire Flies. And Ellie takes that to heart.

‘No.’ Ellie laughs shortly, but nothing is funny. Nothing about this is funny. ‘You know what, I’m fucking _pissed off_!’ 

Riley pinches the bridge of her nose. Irritated, tired. Frustrated this has inevitably transformed into an argument. 

‘I really don’t get you,’ Ellie continues. ‘Like, _at all_. I am literally givin’ you a chance to escape here. To go back to your fucking Fire Flies. Hell, you even have the chance to knock me out too. Steal the car, and take me, and then you and your friends can see if I make the perfect cure. Because if you did that, Riley, I’d _get it_. So why the fuck are you still here? Why are you staying with me? Get the fuck out of the car while you can. I’ll drive away if you want. Pretend I lost you.’

Riley doesn’t react. She allows Ellie to yell at her. If that’s what she needs to do.

But those last words stung. Really stung.

‘What do you _want_?’

Riley inhales sharply. Says nothing. Ellie waits, waits for an answer; anything. She growls in frustration when tears burn her eyes. Angrily, Ellie wipes them away. She opens the door, and mumbles something on the lines of “I need some fresh air”, before slamming it shut behind her and walking a few metres from the vehicle.

For a few minutes, Riley sits there, motionless. Because she honestly has no idea herself; what she wants, why she hasn’t left yet. Why she _stays_ when she really has no reason to. Within the camp, she’s trapped, but Ellie has given her a way out.

Thrown the key at her, and obliged to turn a blind eye.

Riley exits the car. Spots Ellie seated on the boot, arms around herself. The girl has gone pale, and even though the temperature is moderate, she’s shivering. Riley stops, and expects more yells; more confusion, but Ellie is quiet. Painfully quiet. Riley takes a seat beside her. They could argue. They could scream at each other, but what’s the point?

‘I’m sorry.’

Ellie winces. Sniffs. She doesn’t want an apology. Can’t handle an apology. 

It was clear once. Once upon a time, all of this, all of this bullshit––it once made sense. Ellie was so driven to finding the Fire Fly lab. To be treated as a vaccination. Whatever the cost. So determined to just _get_ there, to find Marlene, and hand herself over.

Now, she can’t figure out who’s the enemy. Who’s her ally.

Whether Joel’s words were lies. 

Whether Riley’s beliefs are full of crap.

Ellie grabs Riley by the collar, and kisses her softly. Her lips hover over hers momentarily, before she retreats, and slips off the boot of the car. Ellie returns to her seat, and, after a pause, Riley does the same. They’re quiet afterwards. A quiet which is fairly comforting; a quiet which confirms they don’t have to talk about this again. If they want to, they could forget about it.

That’s an impossibility, though. The topic _will_ come up again.

Just as Ellie puts the keys into the ignition, they both spot a stumbling figure further up the road. ‘Clicker,’ Ellie mutters under her breath. Riley has witnessed enough of those for them to no longer frighten her. Plus, there’s only one. Not a threat. Ellie turns the keys, and the engine roars to life. The clicker quickens its pace, now aware of its company.

Suddenly Riley laughs.

‘The way they run fucking kills me.’

Ellie enjoys that sound; laughter. Riley’s peculiar sense of humour. 

Driving forward, Ellie intends to avoid the clicker altogether. But she’s taken by surprise when Riley quickly opens her door as they pass, smacking the clicker square in the face. Riley bursts out laughing, shutting it. ‘You’re fucking sick, man,’ Ellie grins.

Eventually the humour dies. The incident is forgotten about. Riley allows the silence to flutter between them, briefly touching where Ellie kissed her moments ago. It sends a warm sensation through her; a kind she longs for. _Misses_. 

The path Ellie follows soon comes to an end. It’s mid-afternoon, and neither want to head back. Ellie parks the car at the edge of a hilltop, and the quiet continues. For now, speaking isn’t necessary, and they would rather just _be_ , then talk. Talk about things which will only reduce them to tears, or cause anymore pain.

After all, they have enough of that thrown at them. 

Ellie sinks into her seat, raises her collar up to her chin, and closes her eyes. Riley allows her to rest, to piece together all that’s been revealed. To stop. Breathe. They both deserve that. A day. A day between them where they can do nothing.

The recorder weighs in Riley’s pocket, and she retrieves it. Studies it for a short while, considering telling Ellie; showing her. Allowing her to hear what the surgeon said. How she _is_ unique. That she will be the vaccine they’ve been hoping for all of these years. That Ellie is the best thing to ever happen to mankind since the infection.

That she is special. Too special to be kept alive.

Riley opens the car door, and steps out. The breeze is cool in her hair, and she shudders. From where she stands, the world is so open and vast and it leaves her in awe. Riley steps towards the edge, and looks down at the flowing river. The water crashes into the rocks, creating white splashes across the earth, and the flow is hurried. Racing.

It’s obvious. Obvious that Ellie has to know. Has to know what Marlene thought, what her diagnosis truly was. The things Joel said wasn’t the whole truth.

Riley grips onto the recorder, and throws it. The item smacks into the rocks opposite, and tumbles down, lost in the river. Gone. Riley sighs. Shoves her hands into her pockets. If Marlene were alive, she would definitely rip off those dog tags Riley wears so proudly. Punish Riley for doing something so careless. _That’s_ a certain. But as much as Riley has tried to impress her late leader, she isn’t her. 

She isn’t cruel.

As she returns to the car, Ellie watches her beneath half-shut lids, and she tries not to entertain what exactly Riley threw away. What secrets she continues to hide. Whether Ellie should ignore what she witnessed, and just keep living. Ellie doesn’t move when Riley steps into the car. Her heart is in her mouth, she can feel her pulse in her ears, but she won’t ask.

‘We should head back,’ Riley whispers.

Ellie blinks. Closes her eyes. ‘Yeah.’

‘I’ll drive.’

‘Try not to crash.’

‘Thanks.’

Both girls leave the car, and switch seats. Ellie’s silence slices through the atmosphere, and Riley has no intention to disturb it. Leaning against the window, Ellie watches the scenery pass her; watches the green, blue, yellow––all the colours she rarely witnesses, so busy trying to fight off hunters or stalkers. Whatever lurks.

It’s a pretty thing. Life.

A sad smile tugs at her lips. ‘I’m sorry too.’

Riley hears her. Doesn’t reply. The apology is sweet; nurses the bruises given from their argument before. And Riley could say Ellie is forgiven. Suggest they forget it ever happened. But it doesn’t have to be voiced. They know.

The camp feels unwelcoming. The guard at the entrance gestures Riley to drive the car into the garage. Another two vehicles are inside, as well as a bicycle; the chains rusted and old. It’s dark, except for a small lamp in the corner of the room. Ellie stirs, sitting upright. Taking the keys out, Riley passes them to her friend who accepts.

‘I can’t stay here. You know?’

‘Yeah, I know.’ Whichever way she does it, Riley will join the Fire Flies again, and perhaps that’ll be that. The end of their friendship––finally. Maybe they won’t see each other again. Maybe they will. Maybe. Ellie is so _tired_ of maybes. 

Riley leans across, and affectionately strokes Ellie’s cheek. Ellie’s eyes flutter shut briefly. She sighs, wanting to reach out for her, but she can’t move. All she’s conscious of is the girl before her, and it’s warm, quiet and just between them. 

When Riley kisses the corner of her mouth, Ellie closes her eyes, and thinks she might just _melt_. She turns her head, and they kiss, slow at first. Meeting each other halfway, cautious and careful. Ellie smiles slightly, conscious of Riley’s fingertips brushing across her thigh, her palm stroking upwards. A sigh escapes from Riley, and Ellie interprets this as enthusiasm, pulling at her collar. 

Their kisses grow more hurried, deeper. They become urgent. Riley breaks off all of a sudden, and presses her lips to Ellie’s jawline, scattering kisses down her neck. Ellie shifts, and bites down on her lip. A heavy, hot sensation gathers below her abdomen, and she tightens her grip on Riley’s shirt. She exhales, finding Riley’s mouth again and kissing her deeply. 

Between them, they allow their hands to explore. Ellie’s fingers run down Riley’s waist, over her curve, to her hip and she holds her there. Perhaps due to confidence, or knowing what to do, Riley doesn’t hesitate to gently cup Ellie’s breast, causing her to moan. The noise sounds amazing, and Riley can’t help but feel a tad smug she was the cause. 

Ellie presses herself into her, finding Riley’s hand, and holding it to her breast. Their breath comes out in a rush; heated and trembling. It’s all so intoxicating. Maddening. Ellie can’t focus, can’t figure out where her hands are, how long they’ve been kissing; where this is headed. She doesn’t care. She just wants Riley. Wants her as close as possible. 

Suddenly, there’s a knock on the boot of the car. Riley jumps off Ellie, and nearly bumps her head against the roof. Ellie gasps, straightening in her seat, and searching for their disturbance. Her heart drops to the pit of her stomach when she recognises Tommy entering the garage, a sniper resting against his shoulder. Ellie exhales, and rolls down the window when he comes into view. 

‘Cosy in here,’ he comments, leaning into Ellie’s open window. ‘Good to see you’re both back, safe and sound.’ He looks at Ellie. ‘Out you get, kid. Got a job for you.’

Ellie groans. ‘Why me?’

‘Because you work here. Don’t worry. I’ll give your buddy something to do as well.’ He frowns at her. ‘Don’t look at me like that; you’re hurting my feelings.’

Rolling her eyes, she reluctantly opens the car door. ‘Feelings? You have those?’

‘Yeah. You’re missing out.’ He grins, and steps aside for Ellie to stand. He turns, and watches Riley exit the car. Ellie avoids her gaze, and folds her arms, waiting for her next order. However, Tommy pays attention to Riley instead. ‘There are bodies to bury,’ he says, voice low. ‘My wife will help, as well as a couple of others. Think you can handle that, Fire Fly?’

‘You’re in charge,’ Riley replies. Both she and Ellie catch each other’s eye, and Riley smiles––quickly. But it’s there. All too soon for Ellie to register, Riley turns on her heel and leaves the garage. Ellie realises she’s still flustered, still a little overwhelmed. Breaths still staggered, and her heart pounding in her ribcage. All for Riley. 

As Ellie makes her way out, Tommy places his hand on her shoulder.

‘Thanks, by the way.’

‘What for?’

He cocks a brow. ‘I won the bet. Maria didn’t think you’d both return. Hand-in-hand.’ With that, he steps past her, and out into the open air. Ellie frowns at his retreating figure, going through the events which have happened in the car. Every word shared. Every kiss.

Everything.

And she has no idea where to start.

 


	10. 10

‘So, _this_ is where you’re hiding.’

The door slams shut, and she hears her footsteps gradually come nearer and nearer. Ellie balances the cigarette between her lips, _clicks_ the lighter and inhales deeply. She offers Riley her last remaining one, but her friend declines. 

‘Don’t like the taste.’

‘Oh.’ Ellie pockets the cigarette. ‘I kinda like it.’

‘Not the only thing you’ve stashed.’ Riley raises her brow, and gestures to the unopened bottle of alcohol. Ellie sniggers, and they share a mischievous grin. 

‘You complaining?’

‘Pft––’ Riley approaches the bottle, and effortlessly pops off the lid. She sits on top of the desk, and helps herself to the first sip. ‘ _Shit_. Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve drank anything like this?’ Ellie exclaims in protest when Riley has another generous gulp. 

Snatching the bottle, Ellie tucks it close to her chest. ‘Didn’t your mother ever teach you to share?’

‘Funny.’

Ellie inhales on the cigarette. White smoke escapes her parted lips, and she goes for another. Placing the bottle of alcohol aside, Ellie focusses her attention on one particular item in the room. Riley doesn’t notice it at first, and she’s genuinely surprised she missed it upon entering. The two have only read about these machines in old, tattered history books.

A gramophone, rusty and in desperate need of a scrub, sits at one of the tables. Abandoned and unused. Both Riley and Ellie know about iPods, radios, the impatient development of technology. Aside from Ellie’s walkman which Riley stole all those years ago, this is the first time they’ve ever seen anything so valuable before the infection spread.

Riley blinks in amazement. ‘Does it work?’

‘I think.’ What’s even more surprising are the records stacked in a box beside the gramophone. In all honesty, Ellie hasn’t heard about many of the artists provided. Some of the discs are broken, others so worn out they cannot be played. ‘Um.’

‘Here. Lemme see.’ Riley jumps down from the desk to join her friend. She leans across and grabs a record at random. The cover is barely legible, although Riley can make out a woman’s name. They exchange glances, and silently agree to play the disc. Next is the tricky part. Ellie expects them to be fiddling for a while, but Riley has always been skilfully practical.

She manages to position the disc properly and lower the needle onto the vinyl. There’s a gentle _tap_ , and the disc starts to spin.

Instantly a melancholy tune emits from the gramophone. A woman begins to sing:

‘ _It’s been seven hours and fifteen days … since you took your love away …_ ’

Riley takes a step back, proud with her work. ‘Not bad, right?’ Ellie smiles at her, forgetting about the cigarette in her possession. As Riley steps past and takes the bottle again, Ellie leans forward against the table, and continues to listen.

‘ _… But nothing … I said nothing, can take away with these blues; because nothing compares, nothing compares to you …_ ’

It’s just their luck that they’d accidentally pick a break-up song. Ellie stubs out her cigarette and peers over her shoulder at Riley. 

‘ _… I could put my arms around every boy I see … they’d only remind me of you…_ ’

Ellie drums her fingers against the table. ‘They got anything cheerful?’ She dives her hands into the box of records, but to her dismay, the vast majority are in two pieces or more. Sighing loudly, Ellie gives up, and props herself on one elbow. She tries to distract herself from the lyrics, noting that Joel would probably loathe this song.

After all, he’s more into folk. Guitars and not much else. 

As much as she can’t stand his taste in music, she’d much rather suffer that tune than what she’s currently listening to. Ellie first blames it on the singer. She sounds annoying––she sounds whiny, and that whiny voice is annoying. Then, she blames it on Riley’s poor choice of music. Out of everything available, Riley picks this one?

Finally, Ellie just accepts the fact these lyrics hurt a bit too much. 

The singer reaches her chorus again, emphasising the significance of whoever she sings about; how much nothing else compares to them. That even after being fucked over again and again, she’d still give them a try.

‘Why doesn’t she fucking move on? Jesus.’

Riley shoves the bottle of alcohol into Ellie’s hands. ‘What?’

‘Nothing.’

Ellie downs a whole mouthful, and cringes at the taste. The cigarettes do a much better job. Regardless, she takes another sip, watching Riley inspect the gramophone. She makes some remark about it being in such good nick, but Ellie doesn’t hear. Maybe the singer is too loud. They need to turn down the volume. Maybe that’s the problem.

As she reaches out to remove the disc, Riley grabs her hand, stopping her. She wears a playful smirk, and pulls Ellie towards her. ‘Not so fast, smokey. I like this.’

‘You’re weird.’

‘Takes one to know one.’

Ellie groans. ‘This song is shit, man.’

To her disgruntlement, Riley laughs. ‘Yeah, I guess, but it’s still a good tune.’ Her hand travels to Ellie’s wrist. The bandage hiding her bite. ‘Anyway, I think you’re lying.’ Ellie tries to convince herself that the only reason she won’t deny Riley’s statement is lack of energy. Lack of caring. But she fails miserably. It’s then when she’s very conscious of how close they are, how close Riley is, and she’s reminded of what happened in the car. The memory feels like a blur.

Ellie exhales, and pulls her wrist from Riley’s grip. 

‘What?’ Riley asks quietly. Confidently she takes Ellie’s hand again, intertwining their fingers. 

‘I––’ Ellie can feel herself rise in temperature. But not out of embarrassment. 

In military school, they taught everything about invasion. Taught everything about self-defence. They taught everything about protection, and yet they failed to mention _this_ kind of invasion. The kind which makes her short of breath, her heart race just a little faster; how her vision narrows, and she’s lost in some drunk daze. 

And it sort of falls into place. _They_ fall into place. Shifting their weight from one foot to the other, they gradually pull each other in, and dance. A gentle, almost still dance between them; but soft. Ellie doesn’t look Riley in the eye, but she’s aware of her. Aware of Riley’s arm around her waist, aware that she has her fingertips pushed into Riley’s jacket. 

The warm, intimate sensation of her breath travelling across her cheek. How that makes her feel. How her being this close makes her feel. Like back in the car, but slightly less urgent. Slightly. Ellie’s eyes are locked on the wall, but she can’t see anything; transfixed in this girl’s embrace. This quiet, easy and soft pace they share.

It takes them a short while to realise the song has finished. 

Ellie snaps back to her senses. Takes a step back. 

‘What’s the matter?’

How much she wishes Riley wouldn’t speak so _tenderly_ to her. So much like she shouldn’t. 

‘I––’ Ellie exhales, and tries again. She looks up at Riley. ‘I need a drink.’ Lowers her gaze, and searches for the bottle. Ellie avoids Riley’s knowing smile when she grabs at the alcohol. She can’t really hide anything from her best friend. It’s all too obvious. All so out in the open, why do they bother hiding secrets anymore?

She manages to finish the bottle. Wipes her mouth with the back of her sleeve, back against the table. The song wasn’t shit. The song wasn’t pathetic. The song was–– _just right_. Just _real_ enough to trigger something. Unfortunately, the drink doesn’t succeed in helping; in fact, the alcohol only makes it worse, and she regrets downing the rest in a hurry.

Folding her arms, Riley waits for Ellie to speak, but nothing happens. ‘You gonna come out with it or not?’ Ellie frowns, allegedly puzzled. ‘For the past couple of days, you’ve been acting funny. You gonna tell me why?’

_You know why._ Ellie forces a smirk. It’s tired and empty. ‘Got nothin’ to reveal, man.’ She retrieves her last cigarette, pops it between her lips, and takes her lighter. Just as the flame grazes the tip, Riley snatches it away. Ellie glares, ‘Hey, what the fuck?’

Without a care, Riley drops the cigarette, and squishes it with her heel. ‘I like you without that.’

‘Shit, dude, you know how much I gotta go through to buy those things?’

Riley shrugs. ‘How can I kiss you when you’ve got that in your mouth?’

Ellie stares, taken aback. ‘Uh––’ Suddenly conscious of herself, she pulls at her sleeve, ‘I, uh––’ The corner of her mouth turns upwards in a short smile. ‘Smooth.’

‘If you say so.’ As always, Ellie makes light of a situation which has anything to do with feelings. With thoughts. With all of these fucked up, nagging words in her head which keep her awake at night. By now, Riley is used to this form of a defence mechanism. 

That doesn’t mean she doesn’t get tired of it all, though. Riley doesn’t play along with Ellie’s remark, and Ellie buckles down. She sits atop of the table. ‘I got nothin’ to say––I mean it. You’re just being paranoid. And you took my _fucking_ cigarette!’

Riley is quiet for a moment. Even after all of these years, Ellie hasn’t changed. Her trust issues remain intact, and she’s still in denial. Naturally Ellie won’t admit to it, but it’s either her stubbornness or pride which refuses her to admit the issue at hand. 

So Riley has to push. 

‘I know you’re mad at me––I just wanna know why, okay?’

Ellie scoffs. ‘You seem to have this idea that it’s _you_ who’s always on my mind? If you haven’t noticed, life’s _shit_ , and I gotta _lot_ on my mind––stuff which has nothing to do with you.’ She stops, breathes out. ‘I’m not mad at you. I just––’ A scowl forms, and she looks away. ‘––You’re doing it again. This thing you do. Where you think it’s all G to just waltz into my life again and then fuck off. Forget it. Fuck.’ A pause. Ellie stops again. What she’s confessed sinks in, and she slumps her shoulders. 

It feels as if somebody has their hands wrapped around her neck.

Squeezing tight.

‘You’re gonna leave me again,’ she whispers, refusing to look at her; to face her properly. Out of pride, or stubbornness, or the very fact that this breaks her heart. And she’s right. Riley can’t stay. She has no intention to stay. 

And she sure as Hell left her mark this time around.

‘You can come with me?’

If Riley didn’t ask, then maybe Ellie wouldn’t feel so reduced to tears. The way she asks, as if it’s the easiest question in the world, the most wonderful possibility––the most _obvious_ thing. It’s sweet. Endearing. Far too innocent. 

‘Yeah?’ Ellie inhales deeply. ‘Then what?’

They both know what’s next. What the Fire Flies want. They want Ellie’s unconscious body on a bed, her skull cut in half, and the infected half of her brain removed. They want a vaccine, and they don’t give a _fuck_ about her. 

Maybe Ellie could go with her. Walk hand-in-hand to her death. 

_Stupid_ , she thinks. _So fucking stupid._

And yet, Ellie can’t help but love Riley all the more. 

‘I’m sorry.’

Ellie glares at her, and this time can’t halt her tears. Roughly, she wipes her face, scowling. ‘Fuck off with your _sorry_ ––’

‘I don’t want to leave you here. Why––Ellie, why are you crying?’

‘Because you’re a fucking dick.’

Riley chuckles. ‘That the best you got?’

Ellie sniffs, hoping to maintain her glare. But she can’t stay angry at Riley for long. As much as she wishes. As much as it would make her life _so much_ easier if she stayed angry. If she could just move the fuck on. Forgotten about Riley the second she was bitten, the very _moment_ when Riley handed her over to Marlene. 

Treated her as cargo. Something to smuggle.

Just a _thing_. 

But Ellie knows her memory of the event is jaded. She knows Riley had no idea about the surgery, had no idea about Joel, about what would happen. That all she saw was Ellie’s bite, the lack of infection, and the fact her best friend could be the answer for everything.

What they’ve searched for all these years, was right in Riley’s arms.

Ellie wipes her nose with the back of her hand. The glare disappears, and her face softens in a terrible sadness. 

‘I love you, you fuck.’

Riley’s breath catches. A smile hesitantly reaches her lips; her hands tremble, and she can’t move. Can barely find oxygen; her lungs are too heavy. ‘Ellie.’ 

There’s a wait. A silence between them, and Ellie finally looks at her. Properly. Looks at the girl who had her back since day one, and hasn’t stopped since. The only person in the entire world who gave a shit about her, who genuinely cared without an ulterior motive.

Who just _was_. 

‘I love you.’ 

‘It’s okay,’ Riley whispers, eyes wide with joy. ‘I love you too.’ 

Ellie twitches a smile. She’s _loved_. Somebody–– _Riley_ ––loves her, and it’s simply that. No ifs, buts; nothing except for all it is. ‘Well.’ She wipes a stray tear. ‘ _Fuck_.’ A nervous laugh escapes from her, and Riley finds her timidness adorable.

‘C’mere.’ 

In one swift motion, Riley pulls at Ellie’s collar and kisses her on the mouth. Ellie instantly responds, reaching for Riley’s shirt and yanking her down. Their kisses are rough and hot as their hands roam, anxious but certain. Riley pushes Ellie further up onto the table, deepening the buss; she exhales sharply when Ellie wraps her legs loosely around her hips, encouraging her closer.

The trauma of these past years pours into their kisses, and they cling to each other almost desperately. Ellie loses complete sense of what she’s doing. Riley is everywhere. Kissing her lips, hands on her waist, her thighs, and Ellie can taste her, smell her, feel her, and it drives her insane. She’s so near, so _close_ , but she isn’t close enough. Ellie searches for Riley’s hand. She gasps against her mouth, straightening so as to give Riley more room.

A part of her is conscious of how rushed this feels. They haven’t talked about going this far, about seeing each other this way; about anything to do with this, but neither have the patience to talk. Ellie tenses when Riley begins to unbutton her shirt, not hesitating once until the fabric slips from her shoulders and thrown to the floor. Desperate to feel her naked skin against hers, Ellie fumbles with Riley’s jacket, her fingers awkward and clumsy.

Riley laughs lightly into the kiss. ‘Struggling?’

‘ _God_.’

They meet in another heated kiss, and Riley helps Ellie remove her jacket. Once it’s out of the way, Ellie’s palms travel across her stomach, the curve of her waist, across her arms; Riley’s skin is smooth. She’s soft, and so wonderful to touch. Riley kisses Ellie below her earlobe, and her fingertips pass a few noticeable scars across her body. Ellie visibly blushes. 

Now, she’s embarrassed. Embarrassed Riley witnesses her like this. Since they last met, since they were fourteen, so much has happened. So much has happened to Ellie, to her skin; all the punches, kicks and teeth she’s had to endure. It’s not something she thinks Riley deserves to see. Because Riley deserves something perfect, something flawless and which doesn’t bleed at the slightest touch.

And Riley kisses them. She attends to each, kissing them, caressing them––her. 

‘You’re really pretty.’

‘Ah––’ Ellie doesn’t look convinced, ‘Thanks.’

Riley rolls her eyes. Smiles crookedly. ‘Lie back.’

‘Wha––wait, why?’

Riley kisses her. ‘Ellie. I want you.’ Those three words are enough to send Ellie into a daze. She sighs, and a shiver shoots up her spine. ‘Lie back, baby.’

To be honest, Ellie’s not certain what turns her on more. Riley’s confidence, her blatant want for her, or the affectionate name she offered. Her heart skips a beat when Riley goes ahead without waiting. They kiss one last time, before Riley proceeds to remove her jeans, and it’s all done in a rush. Resting on her elbows, Ellie curses quietly.

What Riley does next causes Ellie to exclaim. ‘Oh!’ Panicked, Ellie closes her legs, and looks at Riley with wide eyes. However, Riley just laughs at her. ‘Dude, give a girl a warning.’

‘Stop actin’ so _frigid_. Christ.’ 

‘Should we really be using His name at a time like this?’ Ellie pants.

Riley throws her a deadpan look. ‘Are you serious right now?’

‘What?’

Grinning ear-to-ear, Riley reaches over and kisses her hard. Ellie moans softly, and dares herself to nip at Riley’s lower lip. This causes a reaction. Riley lowers Ellie back down onto the table again, and scatters kisses down to her collarbone. Ellie inhales, closes her eyes, and allows Riley to do whatever she wishes. Because nothing, nothing at all, could beat this feeling.

Ellie tenses when Riley softly rubs her clit, but she doesn’t waste a second longer. At the sensation of her tongue inside her, Ellie’s eyes roll back, and she bites down on her lip. Hard. How it feels. Oh, God, it’s like _burning_. Like fire. Like something Ellie has never experienced before, but wants so badly. She digs her nails into the table, and exhales slowly.

It makes her feel impatient, urgent, _needy_ ––Whatever Riley is doing, it’s fucking amazing, and Ellie can’t contain herself. She starts to moan at her own accord, completely unaware of the noise she’s making. All she’s aware of is Riley, how good she feels, how _amazing_ she feels; how Riley’s tongue makes her tremble all over, and lose her mind.

‘Oh, fuck.’ Ellie gasps. ‘ _Fuck_.’ She feels close. Closer. And Riley isn’t stopping. As Ellie draws nearer to her peak, she announces one swear word after the next. If she weren’t so busy, Riley would have found her enthusiastic responses amusing, but she isn’t letting up. Ellie’s moans rise in pitch when she comes, and the sound she makes is heaven to Riley’s ears. 

Riley kisses her lips, and Ellie shudders when she can taste herself. Riley presses her body against hers, holding Ellie while she calms from her orgasm. Ellie grasps at her, pulling softly at her hair, kissing and kissing, and kissing. 

Nothing beats this. Beats her. Nothing whatsoever. 

They smile. Breathless and shaking. 

‘You clearly do this a lot.’

Riley snorts at Ellie’s backhanded compliment. ‘Lucky you.’

‘God, you have no idea,’ Ellie sighs. 

‘Wanna go again?’

‘Wait–-Riley?’ 

Sitting upright, Ellie keeps Riley close, and kisses her cheek, her lips. More than anything, she wants to admit how much she loves her again. How much she really, really loves this wonderful girl. And how much she always has, ever since they first met. How much she never thought this could happen, and how unbelievably _happy_ she is that it finally has.

Riley responds to her affections generously. They hold each other, anchored, and regardless of the things they still have avoided to discuss, this is enough. For now, it’s plenty. 

Yet Ellie can still feel the dog tags, the Fire Fly logo, cold against her chest; dangling from her lover’s neck.

‘Don’t go anywhere. _Please_.’

It shatters her heart to hear Ellie beg again. To hear Ellie beg for her to stay.

_Don’t go._

Riley kisses her temple, and rests her forehead against hers. ‘I’ll stay. I swear.’ 

_Until I’m called for my return. Until I can’t help it. Until you no longer want me anymore._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song I referenced is Nothing Compares To You, by Sinead O'Conner. Fun fact: she sung this song with her mother in mind, although it was originally written by Prince as a break-up song.
> 
> Anyway, do you know how tricky it is to write an emotional love scene when one of them––*cough*Ellie*cough*––is a sarcastic lil' shit? Oh, and losing her virginity on a table? _Classy_ , I know. But it's a zombie apocalypse. I doubt many people lose their virginity in the most traditional manner, hey. 
> 
> I am travelling to Australia late September, so I'm keen to finish this story before I leave. I'm on holiday at the moment, but hopefully my updates will remain frequent. I have three possible endings to this story. However, I'm holding off on deciding what happens until right at the end.
> 
> Please do leave some feedback! I really would like to know your thoughts so far.
> 
> Until next time.


	11. 11

Usually, patrol is tedious business.

Joel misses Tess during these times. He misses her, because at least with Tess, there was a lack of control. Within Tommy’s camp, control is entirely essential, and it’s tough. To be ordered, to _follow_ orders; Joel is a natural leader, so he struggles with the demands set on him. In a way, though, he thinks Tess might like it here. 

After believing in Ellie, she seemed to have turned over a new leaf. 

She _believed_ in the Fire Flies. After scoffing at their idiocy for so many years, she realised there was truth to what they were saying––there had to be! A neutral ally at first. Hating either side. And then Ellie came into the picture, and everything went wrong.

What would she think now? What would she think of Joel, taking Ellie away, when it was _definite_ she would become the cure?

What would Tess think of Joel, with his twisted paternal instincts; suddenly falling in love with a daughter who does not belong to him?

But Joel is old, and his age has begun to show.

Criticism on himself is too exhausting.

As he watches over the gates, wandering across the top platform, he sighs. Longingly. Not for another life, or for even the woman he’s thinking about––But Ellie. He hasn’t actually seen her in over a day now. Which isn’t common. Joel is convinced she’s been spending her time with that Fire Fly girl: Riley. Joel bites on his tongue.

Fire Flies can’t be trusted. They’re ambitious and violent and blind. 

He isn’t stupid. Ellie won’t accept that. If he approached her, told her that Riley’s motives might be different to what she assumes, she won’t accept that.

Love fucks you up in ways no one is prepared for.

‘Hey, Joel.’ Turning around, he smiles at his brother approaching him. Tommy slaps his arm playfully. His younger brother looks exhausted. Black rings hang below his eyes, and he looks pale. ‘How’s thing up here?’

‘All clear. Should be a quiet night.’

Tommy observes the outer perimeter, then faces Joel again. ‘Great.’

‘Something eatin’ you?’

‘Nah. Not really.’ He places his hands on his hips. Looks away. Back at Joel. ‘Keep an eye out, big brother. I’m, uh––well, maybe I’m paranoid, I dunno…’

Joel frowns. ‘What? No. Tell me.’

‘If you––’ Tommy tries a smile. Fruitless. Tired. ‘Listen, I’m not gonna fuck with you. If you spot anything odd, be it in here, or out there, you gotta tell me. I kept that Fire Fly girl for a reason, but if there’s the slightest chance I’m gonna get her scouts on my ass––’

‘I get it,’ Joel says. ‘I do. I ain’t seen nothin’, though. Surely they would have come for her by now.’

‘Yeah. Maybe.’

‘… why’re you keepin’ her, anyway? Why not do the deed?’

Tommy’s expression darkens. ‘I don’t do that shit here.’

‘Mm.’ Joel raises a brow, and focusses on the view beyond instead. ‘You keep callin’ yourself a pacifist, but you know that kinda shit doesn’t work in a world like this. Now, hey, I don’t want you hurtin’ the kid. She means good. But, if you’re not gettin’ shut eye over this, then I think the answer to it all is pretty obvious.’

‘I’m _not_ laying a damned finger on the girl. Anyway.’ Tommy laughs slightly. ‘Your kid will give me grief.’

‘True.’

‘I saw ‘em. In the car. Didn’t see anythin’, really, but…’ He clears his throat. ‘Maria and I used to sneak out sometimes. To be together. Alone. I get the signs, man. Maybe I observe too much, but it’s fuckin’ clear to me what’s goin’ on.’

Joel pauses. Folds his arms, and narrows his brows. ‘Wait. You mean––?’

‘You didn’t hear it from me.’

‘Tsk.’ Joel smiles crookedly. Ellie and Riley. Together. 

So, his assumptions were true about them?

’All right, then.’

Shoving his hands into pockets, Tommy sways on his heels. There’s another pause, longer; silent. Then Tommy exhales slowly, and this time, he doesn’t look at Joel. A coldness is shared between them, and Joel feels the shift in atmosphere.

Tommy didn’t come here to talk about Ellie and Riley. But about something else.

Something much closer to home.

‘I know.’

Joel’s breath catches. ‘Know what?’

‘We gotta do this?’ Tommy raises a brow. ‘I know about the girl.’ Joel’s expression hardens. ‘I know she’s the cure. The vaccine. What the Fire Flies want––’

‘The fuck are you talkin’ about––?’

‘I knew her mother. When I was a Fire Fly, working with Marlene––I knew her mother. Took me a while to figure out who Ellie was, but it suddenly clicked.’

‘Tommy––’

‘Name was Anna Williams. She was tough, like Marlene. She got pregnant real young. Some complete fuck did it to her, and left her bruised and alone. Had to raise the damn kid by herself, until Marlene found her. I was reconsiderin’ the whole Fire Fly thing by then, but I met her. Anna.’ Tommy shrugs. ‘Ellie looks a heck of a lot like her, man. Really.’ 

‘Please don’t do this.’

‘Can’t mistake that red hair.’

Joel looks at him. ‘What’re you doin’?’

‘Williams was pretty desperate to keep her kid safe. I just thought it was maternal shit, y’know? I’ve been wrong before. I guess a mother always knows. She knew her kid was special. Immune. And she wanted her safe. Wanted her to be looked after by Marlene. I didn’t really get why, but now it just makes sense, Joel. She’s what we’ve been waiting for.’

‘You––you don’t _get_ to make that decision––’

‘Marlene was gonna kill her. But you made sure she didn’t by shootin’ her in the head.’

At that, Joel tenses. Instinctively reaches for his pistol. 

But Tommy isn’t a threat.

‘Wanna know the truth?’

A beat.

‘I didn’t know her that well, but her mother woulda done the same. That’s why she’s no longer breathing.’

Joel inhales shakily. ‘How? How did she die?’ Looks at Tommy. But the answer is right there in his eyes.A mother will do anything to keep their baby alive. ‘Killed?’

‘I was gone before then. Left the Fire Flies at that point.’

‘Does Ellie know?’

‘Fuck. I can’t––I can’t do that to her.’

‘What about Riley?’

Tommy shakes his head helplessly. ‘I dunno about her. Don’t know anythin’ about that kid. Tried to get some info off her––all I know is that she’s a few years older than Ellie. Joined military school; was there for a long time, until she was tempted by the Fire Flies. Orphan at a real young age. Younger than normal. Watched her own father turn, and rip apart her mother.’ Joel slowly closes his eyes at the horror. ‘Fucks you up forever, that does.’

‘Yeah.’ He pictures Sarah, lifeless in his arms. Ellie. Limp, and no longer breathing. His own baby girl. ‘Yeah, it does.’

 

 

 

 

 

_The last time Marlene had been confronted like this was when she was twelve-years-old._

_Before the infection._

_When life was simple. When her father had lost his temper, and slapped her across the face. Over and over. Yelled at her for something trivial and pointless while the bottle of alcohol slipped between his fingers._

_No alcohol is involved this time._

_And this is a child. Angry, demanding justice, and terribly confused._

_But Riley isn’t a child. Ever since she witnessed her mother’s death, she’s been old. Older than most of the adults who roam these streets._

_‘You lied to me.’_

_‘I did what was necessary.’_

_‘You_ **_lied_ ** _.’_

_‘Riley.’_

_Both women stand eye-to-eye, and that’s what Riley has become now: a woman. They’re at equal height, and secrets can’t be kept from Marlene’s favourite anymore. Marlene cocks back her chin, and considers the approach a positive sign._

_However, when it comes to Ellie, Marlene hates to be challenged._

_‘I have no other choice––’_

_‘You’re gonna kill her––’_

_‘––and it’s what her mother would want––’_

_‘That’s bullshit––’_

_‘––and what the world needs. We don’t have a choice. Trust me, I had no idea until a couple of hours ago. If I knew before, if her mother knew before, then maybe we would have tried another alternative. But Riley––’ She rounds the table, a hopeful smile painted across her ageing face. Clings to Riley’s shoulders, and tempers her. ‘––this is_ **_it_ ** _. This is what we’ve been fighting for. Don’t you understand? I––’ She swallows, ‘––it will kill me. Watching her die. But I don’t have any other choice.’_

_‘You do have another choice: don’t go ahead with the procedure.’_

_‘Is that what you want?’_

_‘More than anything.’_

_A shiver travels up Riley’s spine. Marlene’s expression has changed into something awful._

_Rage._

_‘What is this about?’ She drops her hands, steps back. Watches the other woman with doubt. ‘Is this about the vaccine, or is this about your own personal feelings for Ellie?’_

_‘You’re talkin’ bullshit.’_

_‘What other choice is there, Riley? Speak up! I am honestly open to any other ideas, because doing this––this is all I have. Don’t you see that?’ She softens her expression all of a sudden. Sighs. ‘I know. I know what it is between you both. I could tell when I first met you and her. Remember? You were up to no good. Draggin’ that poor girl along. But I knew. I don’t forget that.’_

_‘I was young––’_

_‘You still are. Look. I love her too. As if she were my own. But we must do what is necessary. Think about those children. The ones I had you protect. Think about what happened to them. How… How we had no choice, but to let them die. We’re helpless against this infection, but we don’t have to be. Not if we have Ellie. And she’s right here. This will––Fuck, Riley. Think about all of those people we’ve experimented on. Who you’ve observed the surgeries of. This will make those deaths no longer in vain. Think about it. This is what we’ve been working for. All of these years. Don’t give up. We––we found the light!’_

_And there’s so much irony in her words._

_As far as Riley’s concerned, what light is there, when Ellie is out of the picture?_

_Nothing but grim darkness. This horrible depression which roots to her very core. And yet, Marlene speaks so honestly. So brilliantly._

_And she’s right._

_‘You brought her to me. If you weren’t there, I might have killed her on the spot. But you brought her to me, Riley, because you knew. You knew she was the answer, regardless of how you felt about her.’_

_It’s as if her whole life has been drained from her._

_Pointless._

_‘You promised me, though.’ Riley glares, tears brimming in her eyes. ‘You promised she wouldn’t feel anything.’_

_‘She won’t,’ Marlene breathes. ‘When they perform the surgery, she’ll be asleep. It’ll be quick. Painless. Like a dream.’_

_‘She’ll die?’_

_‘… yes. Yes, she will.’_

_Riley’s heart breaks. But Marlene doesn’t see. Her scout has become very skilled at covering her own emotions. As much as they kill her._

_Sacrifices are necessary in this life._

_Absolutely._

_‘Like a dream?’_

_‘A dream.’ Marlene caresses her cheek. ‘I only ask one thing.’_

_It doesn’t matter. What she asks. It doesn't matter. Because with the prospect of Ellie gone, what is there to lose? Riley nods, and her lungs feel crushed._

_‘God knows what’ll happen. But if––if something_ **_were_ ** _to happen before the surgery, you must get that vaccine. You must keep Ellie at the lab. You must allow our surgeons to do their work. Whether I’m dead or alive, it_ **_must_ ** _be so. She has to be the cure. Has to be.’_

_With no idea of the impact of such a decision, Riley confirms she’ll agree to that._

_One way or another, Ellie will be their cure._

_Be it today. Or in the next decade. It has to happen._

 

 

 

 

 

And it’s all that keeps her up at night. That promise will follow her to the grave. 

Such a careless, thoughtless agreement. So certain that Ellie would have died then, Riley didn’t think it through. Didn’t consider the fact that Joel was only floors below, delirious and maddened and so desperate for Ellie to stay alive.

Her heart aches.

Riley knows what is necessary. Even if she can’t consider the possibility. Ellie. Dead. Lifeless. Lost. _Gone_. 

In the little light, she lies on the bed, studying the freckles across Ellie’s shoulder, down her arm. A little across her upper back. Cute. So innocent. And _normal_. And this girl is the most beautiful person she’s ever seen in her life. How much she wishes it didn’t hurt this much to love her.

The dorm is empty. Shared by four people, although three of them had been killed by hunters a few days before. For now, Ellie has the place to herself. But there’s an unsettling quiet. The bunks are empty. And they know why.

‘What’re you thinking about?’ Ellie mumbles, half-asleep.

Riley kisses the back of her neck. ‘You’ve got a lot of freckles.’

‘Yeah?’ Ellie twitches a smile. ‘You’re one to talk.’

‘You’re everything I want.’

Ellie opens her eyes. She’s not sure why. Not sure why Riley’s words reduce her to tears. Why those simple words mean so much; why they _hurt_. But, in a way, she knows. She knows. She knows what this relationship means. Knows what committing to Riley means.

Stupid.

So, so stupid.

And that terrifies her.

Ellie swallows. Braces herself. ‘Are you gonna kill me?’

A pause. 

Riley cuddles her close. Tightly. 

Because she has no other option, Ellie rolls over, and faces Riley properly. She pulls Riley’s arms away from her body, and tries to look at her. Look into her eyes and find an answer. Hopes to find that her paranoia is silly. There’s nothing to be afraid of. But that never happens. Riley’s cheeks are moist from tears, and Ellie kisses her.

Riley cradles her face between her hands. Kisses her. Kisses her. Wishes she could lie, and say no. No. She would never mean harm on Ellie. Ever. Because doing that would be killing herself. She can’t do that. She just _can’t_ do that.

But she knows her responsibility. What she pledged to do. 

Even if her pledge be to a ghost.

‘I’ve spent so long following the Fire Flies, just completely _obsessed_ with their beliefs; this flawless hope that we’ll find a cure. Somewhere. That we should just keep searchin’, no matter what. And I follow them for so many years; I’m made a leader. Given my own squad. Told to look after these people who know fuck all about what they’re goin’ into. And then, right at the end, I realise I’ve been doin’ all of this, just so my best friend dies––’

‘You had no idea.’

Riley smiles. Sad. _So sorry._ ‘For a moment, Ellie, I swear: I wanted you dead.’

Ellie’s expression fractures. The emotion is quick. Too fast, but Riley registers it. She registers the anger, the betrayal, the heartbreak––all at once. But Ellie speedily recovers. Ellie suddenly sits upright, and wipes a hand down her face. Riley follows suit, and places a hand on her shoulder. Has she said too much? Been too blunt?

Oh, God, why would she say something so horrifying?

‘You wanna know the best thing?’ Ellie laughs, but it’s dry. Humourless. ‘I can’t ever tell Joel this, but I––’ She holds back a cry. Tries to smile again, however she fails. She fails and her eyes start to sting. Ellie lowers her voice to a faint whisper. So quiet, Riley barely hears: ‘––Sometimes, I wish I was dead too.’

Riley stops breathing.

‘Since being bitten, I’ve never been… me. Never allowed to be me. Just cargo, or a cure; _something_ , not someone. Right to the point when I was on a hospital bed, ready to be operated on. To die. And, fuck––’ She roughly wipes her eyes, ‘––fuck, I wish––I wish I was dead. I wish I was made into a fuckin’ vaccine already. But… I love livin’. I love life. I love being with Joel. With you. I don’t wanna lose any of that, and I know I’m so fuckin’ selfish––‘

‘Ellie––’

‘I dunno who I am anymore.’

Riley shuffles closer, wraps her arms around Ellie’s waist, and pulls her to her stomach. Ellie leans back, head against her shoulder, and they hold each other for a while. Silent and pondering over an empty fantasy. Riley caresses up Ellie’s arm, passing the bandage. ‘Yeah, you do,’ she finally replies. Ellie raises her brows at that. But: ‘I know who you are.’

‘Yeah?’

‘You’re that short kid I had to push around, just so you’d keep outta trouble. You’re also that really annoyin’ twerp who followed me everywhere; you were like a parasite sometimes––’

‘Uh, Riley, what the fuck?’

‘––and you’re also my best friend. My favourite person in the whole world. You’re the only person I trust, and you’re more than what the Fire Flies want you for. You’re Ellie, and I love you.’

Ellie just about catches her breath. ‘Th––that was… gross?’

‘Still: it’s true.’

That’s enough. For Ellie, that’s enough. If she’s more than _just_ a cure to at least one person out there, then that’s enough. That’s all she can ask for. Even if that same person might knock her out cold at any minute. Strap her to a bed.

Order the surgeon to finish the job.

Ellie faces her, sitting across Riley’s lap. A faint, crooked smile is plastered across her lips when she raises Riley’s chin to look at her. The same scar travels from Riley’s brow to the bridge of her nose, and Ellie suddenly has no desire to discover where it came from. Whether it be from a clicker, a hunter, or even another Fire Fly.

Leaning forwards, Ellie kisses her there. Riley flinches a little at the touch. Looks up at her with a warmness in her eyes. 

‘Guess what?’

Riley raises a brow. ‘Mm?’

‘I’m no photographer.’ Ellie smirks. ‘But I can picture us together.’

It takes a moment, before the pun sinks in. ‘ _Wow_.’

Ellie laughs. ‘Good, ain’t it?’

‘Awful.’ Riley kisses her nose. ‘You’re just awful.’

‘Uh-Huh. I hate insect puns. They really _bug_ me.’

Riley grins, and kisses Ellie hard on the mouth. ‘Stop that.’

‘I try wearing tight jeans, but I can never pull it off.’

‘ _Fuck_.’

‘If you lose your hearing, is it _ear replaceable_?’

At that Riley’s disgruntled expression, Ellie kisses her passionately, smiling the whole while. Riley pinches her waist affectionately, and they lose themselves in each other. They move into each other, breathe together, and Ellie is left in a daze. They could be doing this for the millionth time, and she would still be this way.

Frazzled, losing her mind; everything Riley makes her feel.

Ellie kisses her neck, her collarbone, encouraging Riley to fall back into the mattress. She listens to Riley’s quiet moans, her hand reaching over to massage her breast, before teasing her tongue across. The sensation causes a sharp gasp from Riley, to which Ellie only interprets as encouragement. Despite her lack of experience, Ellie has a good idea about what she should do; and she’s _lovely_.

A soft sigh escapes Riley’s parted lips. She gently takes Ellie’s wrist, and guides her to her warmth. Ellie shudders, touching her, and it sends them both into a state of euphoria. Riley looks up at her, and Ellie meets her gaze, smiling crookedly. There’s something incredibly fetching about her red hair falling over her eyes like that, that tint of scarlet blushing across her freckled cheeks––

When Ellie moves into her, her fingers working perfectly against her clit, Riley lets out a moan. Ellie whispers a curse under her breath, and has no intention to stop. 

‘I used to be a banker––’ Riley moans again, ‘––but I lost interest.’

Ellie stops suddenly. Blinks. 

‘Impressive,’ she allows.

Riley smirks amidst their lovemaking. ‘Two can play at this game.’

‘While I got my fingers inside you? You still wanna go?’

Riley kisses her cheek tenderly. Whispers in her ear: ‘I wanna go anywhere with you.’

It constantly amazes Ellie how Riley can come out with such romantic statements. Statements which make her heart skip a beat. Makes her breath cut short. Makes her fall in love all over again. How much power Riley has over her sometimes is perplexing.

But nice. _Really_ nice.

Ellie kisses her, deep and warm. Continues to tease Riley to her climax, her body pressed into hers, and they moan, touch and explore each other. Race for a white, blissful finish which will leave the two breathless and gasping. As if water has swallowed them whole, and there isn’t a surface; no gap to break through, and they’re trapped beneath the waves.

When Riley digs her nails into Ellie’s back, Ellie almost screams. 

The promise of death is engrained with every mark.

 


	12. 12

_‘Talk to me. Tell me––I’m here for you, Anna.’_

_‘You won’t get it. You don’t fucking get it. You can’t tell me––you can’t order me to let this out. You’ll kill me.’_

_A pause. Marlene sighs. Disappointed. ‘Hey. We’ve been through Hell. You can trust me. Please. I––c’mon, Anna. I know what this is about. I know this is about your baby. Talk to me.’_

_‘Don’t hurt her. That’s all I want. I just want my baby to be safe. Fuck… oh, fuck. In a world like this, she might be dead before given a fuckin’ chance, but, Marlene––you’re all I’ve got. You know what happened to me. You know my baby. You’ve gotta make sure she’s safe. And I don’t care how you do it. Take her to military school. Or keep her with you. I don’t fuckin’ care. I just want her safe.’_

_‘I hear you.’_

_‘Marlene? She’s immune. The infection? It… she can’t be infected. I––I know. I know what you’re thinkin’. This is it. This is what we’ve fought for, but, I beg you, don’t hurt her. Don’t––don’t kill my baby. Don’t kill my baby girl for this. She doesn’t deserve to die so young.’_

_‘How d’you know? Anna, how do you know she’s immune?’_

_Neither speak for a while. Anna stares at the wall. Lost and helpless, before finding her ground. She’s no longer a carefree adolescent, free to do as she wishes. To follow the Fire Flies aimlessly and believe in their propaganda. Now, Anna is a mother._

_And that has become a_ **_huge_ ** _difference between her and Marlene._

_It is something Marlene will_ ** _never_ **_comprehend_. 

_Children. Such a foreign concept to the childless._

_‘I know.’_

_‘That’s––that’s not good enough for me.’_

_‘I know. That’s all you’re gonna get. But, even so, you gotta keep an eye on her.’_

_‘Why’re you tellin’ me this? Why’re you actin’ as if she won’t have_ **_you_ ** _to raise her?’_

_‘Because you’re gonna kill me.’_

_‘What?’_

_‘I see it in your eye. Right now. You want my baby. You want to use her. You’ll wait. Oh, fuck, you’ll wait until my baby is ready. Until she’s grown enough, until she has been bitten––you’ll wait until the right moment, before you do things to her that I can’t––that I can’t… oh, shit…’_

_‘No. Anna, no. Don’t cry. Please. Fuck, don’t do this––’_

_‘Don’t kill my baby.’_

_‘I––I wouldn’t dream of doing such a thing!’_

_‘She’s mine. You hear? My own flesh and blood. I can only hope you won’t use her for your own gain.’_

_‘Anna. Listen. This is not for my own gain. It’s for_ **_our_ ** _gain. The Fire Flies aren’t about searching for a selfish cause. We’re here to bring mankind back. To fight the infection. But, hey––there are others. Other children who have this gene. This immunity. We won’t touch your daughter. I fuckin’ swear to that. Your daughter is my own. And I’ll keep her safe. I swear.’_

_An inhale. Exhale. She trembles, but restrains herself from breaking._

_‘You won’t touch her? You won’t hurt my baby?’_

_‘In order to do that, I’d have to have lost my mind.’_

 

 

 

 

 

Winter has started to approach. Ellie discovers this when she enters Tommy’s office. The chill nips at her flesh, and she shudders. Tightening her jacket around herself, she proceeds to the desk where her leader gestures her to. Through the five years of knowing each other, Tommy has usually held a comical manner towards her. He enjoys her company––for the most part––and teases her playfully, but something is off this time.

Ellie sits down opposite him, resting her foot on her knee. There’s a few minutes of silence between them, until she hears the door behind her open. Ellie narrows her eyebrows, and turns. Joel enters the office, a solemn look on his expression. When he comes over to sit beside her, Ellie realises that this is a trap.

Immediately the young woman stands to her feet. 

A trap, yes. Not a threatening one. But if Tommy has brought Joel into the conversation, she knows this is nothing lighthearted.

Joel grabs her wrist. 

‘Sit down. Don’t be scared.’

For some reason, Ellie’s mind wanders to Riley.

Don’t be scared.

Ellie swallows. What is there to be scared about? 

_How does he know?_

Slowly, Ellie returns to her seat, and looks at Tommy. However, he’s busy searching for something in his desk drawer. Ellie grabs the arm of her seat. Waits. She’s not sure what to expect. A weapon? Ellie glances at Joel, back at Tommy, then Joel again. The words tumble from her mouth before she registers them. 

‘Is this about Riley?’

A recorder is slid across the desk. Ellie stares at the machinery, silent. 

Dread fills her completely. 

Joel leans forwards. Pinches the bridge of his nose. Tommy sighs, reclines in his chair. ‘I found this a couple of days back. I forgot I had it, actually. All the stuff the Fire Flies gave me I burned. Maria and I were thorough about it, but this? I must have misplaced this or somethin’. Either way, I found it; listened to it with my wife. And, uh…’ He runs a hand down his face. ‘Fuck, kid. I dunno what to say to you. This belongs to you, not me.’

‘What is it?’ Ellie’s voice comes out surprisingly stable. But inside, she’s _yelling_.

Tommy clears his throat. ‘Your mother.’

Ellie’s heart stops. She glares at him. ‘This some sick joke?’

‘Listen to what she says, Ellie,’ Joel says. Soft. Regret dripping off his tone. 

For a second, she sits. Frozen. Contemplating, and amazed something like this had been kept hidden from her. Curiosity, pain, impatience, betrayal––so many emotions force her to snatch the recorder, hold it to her chest, and steady herself.

Before pressing play.

All three of them say nothing. There’s a long wait.

Then, finally, Ellie’s mother speaks to an invisible audience. Her voice choked, tired; all too familiar.

‘ _It’s earlier this morning. Peter. That’s his name. I spoke to him. Short time, but we spoke, and he told me about the Fire Flies. Told me about how they knew he was the cure. Whatever the fuck that means. Jesus. Sometimes, I wonder if Marlene is snorting anythin’ up her nose. The shit she comes out with. They convinced this fuckin’ kid he was the world’s saviour. Some kinda god. Then, he’s taking away, with this big smile, and I… I wanted to kill every surgeon in the room. I wanted to call them murderers, desperate murders without any real cause, but I couldn’t. I was a damned coward, and now the boy is dead. No vaccine._ ’

Ellie glances at Joel.

Realises how much Anna sounds like a mother.

A mother she knows.

‘ _There was another. A girl. So cute. Fourteen years old. Red hair. Like my own. She said the same shit. All I could hear was Marlene. Over and over. She was the cure. The vaccine. Their only hope of survivin’. Again, I watched this cute kid be dragged into the operating theatre. Watched her die. No vaccine… Then another. Another girl. Shy. Quiet. She didn’t say a word to me. Died the moment she touched the operating table. Poor fuckin’ baby. And I did nothin’. I did nothin’ but gawp like a goddamned coward. I let Marlene kill these beautiful children, and there wasn’t a fuckin’ I did to change the situation._ ’

Ellie exhales shakily. Lowers the recorder.

‘ _I won’t let them do this to my baby. Not… not little El. I can’t even look after her, for fuck’s sake. I can’t––I can’t let them do this to her as well. She’s mine. She’s––_ ’ Anna stops. Breathes. ‘ _Baby. Baby, if you’re hearing this… by some fuckin’ miracle, if you’re hearing this, I love you. I love you so much. And, you owe ‘em nothin’. You owe the world nothin’, baby, no matter what these Fire Flies tell you. You’re enough as you are, and I want you to live. I didn’t bring you into this world to die. I want you to be you; to be alive. To smile, and see how beautiful and kind the world is––I want you to survive. Survive, Ellie. Endure the bullshit. And no matter what decision you settle on, just––just… just know your mummy is so, so fuckin’ proud. I’m so proud._ ’

The recorder clicks off.

Ellie places it onto the desk. Before Tommy and Joel notice, she wipes a stray tear from her cheek. Her hands tremble, and her throat is so dry, so narrow, she fears she might burst into tears at any second. But she, like her mother, holds her ground. Yet hearing her mother, hearing her mother’s voice for the first time––all of this is overwhelming.

The young woman is conscious of Joel moving closer. He wraps an arm around her shoulders, but doesn’t say a word. He, too, is speechless. The only person in this room who expected what to hear is Tommy. Only due to the fact he heard Anna’s speech first. 

‘I was a Fire Fly as well,’ Tommy breaks the silence. ‘I knew her. I was tellin’ Joel. She––she was a tough broad, y’know? I’m sorry, kid. Took me too long to realise who you were. I’ll be honest: thought that kid she carried around everywhere was dead. When they––’ he catches Joel’s eye, ‘––when they killed her, I thought they got rid of you and all––’

‘Killed her.’ Ellie inhales. Looks at Tommy. ‘Killed her?’

Tommy finds his breath. Hesitates. ‘The Fire Flies are ambitious fucks. That’s one of the reasons I left ‘em. At first, they were, well––they made so much fuckin’ sense. There had to be a cure out there. Something. It was pretty fuckin’ impossible to believe this was it for humanity. There had to be an answer. Somewhere. Anywhere. I joined the Fire Flies soon after the infection spread. By this point, so many–– _too many_ countries had been placed under martial law. Corrupt fuckers.’

‘They were,’ Joel agrees.

‘The Fire Flies were, to me, our last _speck_ of hope. I joined them, and I grew real close with Marlene. I dunno. She’s easy to admire. Easy to trust.’

‘Yeah,’ Ellie mumbles. ‘Yeah, I fell for her shit too.’

Tommy nods. ‘Your mother was… around your age, actually. Christ, too young to be a mother. But she fuckin’ adored you. You were everything to her. I’ve never––never seen anybody so devoted to another person. Not in decades. I dunno how, but she must’ve known you were immune,‘cos Marlene and her scouts got–– _aggressive_. They demanded things I just couldn’t agree to. They––fuck, they wanted to experiment on _children_. Immune children. They’d… do things to them. Cut open their skulls––’ Tommy pauses. Closes his eyes. ‘––they kill children. Just as hunters do. But, I guess they at least have a cause behind their… their…’ But Tommy can’t find the appropriate word.

‘We’re not gonna give you up,’ Joel says, voice low. ‘It’s not certain if the vaccine would work, so we’re not handin’ you over.’

‘Joel’s right. Trust me. Your mother would’ve wanted the same––’

‘What was she like?’ Ellie asks.

‘… what?’

Ellie tries to smile. Tries to cover how much she can’t bear any of the facts being thrown at her. But she tries, and Tommy isn’t a fool. She has to know. ‘My mum. What was she like?’

At that question, Joel stares. Perplexed. Apologetic. Guilty. Looks at her like a father would.

Tommy shrugs. 

‘Like a mum, I guess.’

The corner of her mouth twitches. She looks down at her hands.

‘Nice,’ Tommy continues. ‘She was just _nice_. I really liked her. A lot. Y’know, you have her face. Definitely around the eyes. Freckles too. And she had real long, red hair. Pretty girl. But she was withdrawn a lotta the time. Spent most of her days at Marlene’s side. Those two were inseparable. I really thought Marlene would support her decision, but…’ Tommy trails off, and all three of them decide to close the subject.

Ellie stands again, with every intention to depart. She looks at Joel, looks at him, and now it all comes into place.

Why he took her. Why he escaped the lab.

Why he couldn’t accept the fact she had to die.

Ellie loves him for that. So much.

For doing exactly what her mother would have done.

‘I forgive you,’ she whispers, before passing him, and leaving the room.

Joel clenches a fist. Glances away when the door closes.

Breathes.

 

 

 

 

 

It seems bizarre how only hours ago, Ellie had been making love to a Fire Fly. The very sort of person she has been forced to avoid all this time. Who her own mother had grown to loathe due to their ambitious views. Perhaps it’s naive, but she just hopes Riley will never fall into that category. That her words rang true, while they lay side-by-side.

That Ellie isn’t _just_ a cure.

Isn’t _just_.

As ordered, Riley patrols the outer perimeter, a sniper strapped to her back. Ellie considers this a positive sign. Maybe Tommy trusts her enough to give her a weapon. To defend the camp. But another part of her wonders if this is the naivety speaking again. If this is a test. If she should expect Riley to stab her in the back. 

Hearing her footsteps, Riley distracts herself from the foggy landscape, and watches her best friend approach. A smile reaches her lips. ‘Don’t take this the wrong way, but you look like shit.’

‘Thanks,’ Ellie murmurs.

It doesn’t take long for Riley to realise something is the matter. She gasps lightly when Ellie walks into her arms, and rests against her chest. Then, she’s shuddering. Shaking. As if trying her hardest to get rid of an emotion which refuses to budge. Riley buries her nose into Ellie’s hair, and closes her eyes, holding her, holding her.

They need not talk. If that’s what Ellie wants.

But Riley doesn’t know what to think. Whether this is about nothing, or about that man called Joel, or about her, or about Ellie’s mother. She tightens her embrace, and kisses Ellie’s forehead, her cheek, and tries to look her in the eye. Ellie moves her head away, avoiding Riley’s lips, and brushes her cheek against hers. Feels her close. Close enough. Just about close enough, as if this be the last time they ever share a moment so intimate. 

‘Talk to me. Tell me––I’m here for you, Ellie.’

In response, Ellie wraps her arms around the back of Riley’s neck. Cuddles her. Kisses her jawline. ‘You don’t wanna know.’

She would have kissed her then. Kissed her like a lover would. Kissed her properly, and told her that it’s okay. Nothing needs to be said. They both have their secrets, and that is how they’ve survived. By keeping their secrets, keeping in their own nightmares, and forbidden themselves from sharing them. Aside from with each other.

In time, Ellie can tell. Reveal. In time.

Riley hears it first.

The _click_ of a pistol.

Ellie stirs in her arms. Both women follow the source of the threat, and, there, right before them, is a man around their age. He holds a pistol at Ellie, eyes wide, and terror pouring in his eyes. Riley holds her breath. Glares at him, feels the rage burn her insides, but she’s all too aware what this man is here for. Why he has finally arrived.

The dog tags hang off his neck, and Ellie grabs her own weapon. Her expression darkens, and she points her gun at the man. Daring him to try.

But Riley hasn’t budged. Hasn’t made any effort to pick a side.

And Ellie realises who this man is. Why he is here. What has took him so long to finally act. Ellie widens her eyes when she observes at least ten other scouts appear from behind trees, bushes, and the long grass. Armed and ready to take her on if need be.

However, they won’t kill her. Not yet.

Riley looks at each of them. Each of them. Takes a step back, and reaches for Ellie. ‘Lower your weapons. Immediately. No one is gonna get hurt here. You hear me?’

They hesitate. Glance at each other.

Obey their commanding officer’s demand.

And it sinks in. Who they are. Why they’re here. 

What Riley is to them.

Ellie tightens her grip on her weapon. Watches each and every single Fire Fly before her; ready to snatch.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The situation between Marlene and Anna is purely headcanon, but I don't know a mother who wouldn't give their life to protect their own child. And I highly doubt Ellie's mother would be keen on sacrificing her daughter. Even if it's for humanity's sake. The love for a child is extremely complex, and so writing in black-and-white is really impossible. I hope I'm able to convey that in my writing.
> 
> So, yes, the climax of the story is about to begin. I have a hunch the ending is near, but only time shall tell. 
> 
> I hope to update before the end of the week, but I'm travelling around a bit. I shall update as soon as possible, though. Cheers!


	13. 13

Monsters have hunted her in the dead of night. Women have torn her clothes, and strapped her to an operating bed. Men have pinned her to the cold earth and tried to invade her body. Every time, terrified into a state of paralysis, until it became normal. This life. Fleeing from bloaters before they tore apart her jaw. Stabbing men through the chest before they had their way with her. Shooting women in the head before they threw her before the scalpel.

But nothing, _nothing_ has horrified her more than this moment.

These Flies Flies look at her as if she were one of those monsters which roamed the silent streets. As far as they’re concerned, she’s not a girl. Not a person. Not _someone_. They look at her, their guns raised, and they tremble at the sight. This thing they want might as well be a killing machine, protected by another killing machine. Something mad and just _wrong_. 

Ellie is easily outnumbered. Her pistol may spare her a few seconds, but she’s got nothing.

It isn’t her _life_ they want, though. Not yet.

Turns out the only monsters humans fear are themselves. The faces they see in the mirror.

Riley reaches for her hand, but Ellie steps out of the way. Hands steady, she aims her pistol at the leader of the group, and _dares_ him to try. And if he tries, she knows for a fact Joel will tear him to shreds. That is if she hasn’t dealt with him first and, Goddammit, she’s not going down without a fight. Ellie _clicks_ the pistol, feels the weight of the bullets stored in the magazine, and lightly squeezes the trigger.

Certain of Ellie’s motive now, Riley’s face darkens. Ellie mistakingly interprets her expression as threatening, but it’s mere disappointment. Riley is astonished Ellie has reacted so instantly. To judge the situation without any second thought. But this is Ellie, and Riley knows it’ll take a lot of convincing to show her that they mean no harm.

For now.

‘This is her, right?’ The male Fire Fly queries. ‘The girl Marlene spoke of? She matches the description––’

‘What took you so long?’

Ellie doesn’t recognise Riley’s voice at first. A shiver runs up her spine, for she’s certain she didn’t hear Riley, but Marlene. Ellie glances at Riley, arms beginning to shake; aim lost. What took them so long? What took them so long to find Riley?

What took them so long to ruin _everything_?

The other Fire Fly realises he’s in trouble. Looks at Riley anxiously, and lowers his weapon. ‘We were delayed,’ he begins. ‘Clickers a few miles back got us––we lost three scouts.’

‘Is this the girl?’ Another Fire Fly. A young, white adolescent with short hair. ‘This better be the fuckin’ girl or I swear––’

‘Yes,’ Riley interrupts, voice brewing with impatience. She allows the fact to sink in, before softening her tone. ‘Yes, this––Her name is Ellie, all right? And if you think this’ll be an easy snatch and run, you’re wrong. Nobody’s goin’ anywhere unwillingly. We clear on that?’

‘But I––’

‘Are we clear?’

The Fire Flies stiffen slightly. A few exchange glances, before there’s a silent agreement shared between them. Finally able to focus on Ellie properly, Riley doesn’t know what to expect. Anger, for sure, but she dreads what else. 

Riley braves it, and faces the other woman. Inside she’s screaming; desperate to yell out, but Riley successfully manages to appear calm.

‘You can lower the gun, Ellie.’

Unlike Riley, Ellie has failed to cover her emotions. But she’s never been the stoic type. Far too expressive for her own good, and this time around, such a feature will not go in her favour. Ellie doesn’t look at Riley. Not once. She continues to aim her gun at the Fire Fly before her, her finger aching to pull the trigger. 

And she scowls. Scowls at Riley’s _command_. 

As if she were one of Riley’s baby scouts to kick around.

‘You do what you want, Riley; I’m fine how I am.’ 

‘We’re not gonna hurt you––’

‘Yeah?’ She scoffs, and nudges the snout of the gun towards the scout. They flinch at her action. ‘Tell that to your friends ‘ere––I see that look they got. They want me, just like she did. They want me dead, Riley. Maybe not yet, but they want my head open and everything that makes me _me_ taken out of my bleeding skull––’

‘Ellie, stop!’

‘Go on, then.’ She grins crookedly at the male Fire Fly. ‘You gonna do the honours, or have I gotta give you a little nudge? Or are you gonna do what _she_ told you to like the good _boy_ you are?’

He tenses. Tightens his grip on his weapon. Looks at Riley for some kind of permission. Ellie just finds his weakness revolting. Riley’s jaw clenches, and she glares at Ellie for mocking her scout. For mocking _her_. Ellie damn well has no right to judge. After all, she also follows orders. Has her own beliefs. Her own lies.

Everybody survives in their own way.

‘You wanna shoot first, Ellie? Be my guest.’ Riley shrugs. ‘Do it. Cause violence when there doesn’t need to be any.’

‘ _Don’t_ give me _shit_!’ 

And Riley finds herself staring right into the snout of the gun. 

Many. She’s seen many in her life, and they’ve no longer bothered her. Being faced with a gun is part of the job. But this time?

This time the gun belongs to Ellie, and Riley knows she has every _intention_ to fire.

Until the gun starts to tremble. Until Ellie can’t hold her guard for very long, and it becomes all too vivid that she is _hungry_ to shoot. To blast Riley’s head in two. Because _fuck_. Fuck. Has this all been false? Riley’s kisses, cuddling her beneath the sheets, sharing stories with her––has it all been lies? Has Ellie been _that_ naive?

That stupid?

She remembers their night in bed together. When Riley held her, held her so fiercely as if her life depended on it––and Ellie asked the inevitable. 

‘Are you gonna kill me?’ Riley repeats the query, her line of gaze steady. Focussed.

Ready.

The other scouts stare helplessly, although Ellie notices a couple reach for their weapon. She looks at Riley. Looks at her. At her soft, brown eyes; her sweet, freckled face. Everything that is so beautiful and surreal and perfect about her. The things which Ellie fell for at fourteen, the things Ellie craved for on her journey with Joel––and then afterwards.

She could shoot.

Hell, she could shoot, and she could do it here.

Watch the blood pour. Watch her own life drain away. Lose every sense of meaning.

Feel her heart shatter into pieces, cut her flesh; slowly kill her away.

_Don’t make me loathe you again._

_… please._

A scout step forwards, losing his nerve, and Ellie quickly swerves the gun, pointing it at him. But she doesn’t shoot. Doesn’t shoot, even when he snatches for his own. Even when they wait, weapons raised. Even when her breath cuts short, and she knows she can’t. She can’t kill Riley. She can’t. She doesn’t have it in her. Doesn’t have the strength.

It’s simple.

Ellie loves her too deeply.

‘Stop,’ Riley whispers. The scout obeys, and Ellie scrunches her eyes shut when Riley touches her wrist. Lowers the weapon held so fiercely held in her grip. ‘We need to––talk. Talk about this. Just us two. Will you do that?’

Ellie glares at her, but her vision is blurred with tears. ‘I ain’t doin’ shit for you––’

The bullet whips past her ear. A scout is flown back, blood bursting from his head, and he lands with a heavy _thud_. Riley widens her eyes and stares at the sight, at her scouts flocking to the corpse, before they all turn to the source of the attack.

Riley curses under her breath. Five of Tommy’s men have approached the scene, and Joel is amongst them. They must have seen them from the gates, must have watched the commotion before making a move. And fired. 

One of the scouts yells in frustration, threatens to shoot, but Joel beats him to the job.

Riley yanks Ellie by the collar. Throws her to the earth near her feet, and snatches her own weapon. She steps across Ellie, refusing her escape. Ellie gasps, trying to stand, but Riley has her locked beneath her. The sniper is heavy in Riley’s hands, but she doesn’t even notice––too busy aiming between Joel’s eyes. A precise aim.

‘Should’ve known you’d be up to some game, kid,’ Joel outstretches his hand. ‘Hey. Nobody has to get hurt. Hand over Ellie, and we’ll let you go.’

‘Let me go?’ Riley laughs meekly. ‘You already murdered two of my scouts.’

‘You gonna get me shot too?’ Joel asks, expression stoic. ‘C’mon, then. You want her that bad? Show me.’ He pauses. ‘Seems an odd think t’do that. Kidnap your own girl.’

Ellie’s throat narrows. She watches him, and hopes, _hopes_ , neither shoot the other. It transfixes her. Scares her. Makes her heart burst. The two people she loves most have their weapons aimed at each other, and one will surely be wounded.

‘That ain’t nothin’ to do with you, old man. Back down! Or I’ll make this hurt.’

‘You don’t scare me. I got all the hurt I could in this life––what you do will be somethin’ like Heaven.’

‘I have her. She’s mine. Take a step back, or I’ll make sure she bleeds too.’

Joel hesitates. Pauses. His eyes narrow, and, for a moment, he looks as if he might roar. Might manipulate flames from the ground and scorch everybody in sight. Might lose all sanity at the threat of losing his only child. 

‘You’d do that?’ He challenges, voice deep. Hollow. ‘Do that to somebody you love? You’re one fucked up piece of shit if that’s so––’

‘You wanna talk about _fucked_? How about what _you_ did to our scouts, what you did to Marlene? You’re a fuckin’ traitor, Joel.’

‘Yeah? At least I ain’t gettin’ all _close_ with my enemy here.’

Ellie can’t take it anymore. Instinct kicks, and she grabs Riley’s ankle, before twisting it and causing her to collapse. Before Riley can register what happened, Ellie scrambles to her feet and rushes for Joel. But just as he’s about to dash for her, a bullet stabs her into the back.

And the pain is heavy. Sharp.

Like a sting, but aching. An agony which travels from the wound, to every inch of her body. Her knees seem to snap, and she falls on her hands. Somebody screams. Another yells. For a second, she wonders if she hears a cry––

––then the rain of bullets.

A body crashes to the earth. Another. Blood splatters across her face.

Ellie grabs the gun, which dropped from her hands. Turns. Joel runs for her, but a Fire Fly pushes him to the ground. He slams his head into the dirt, and Ellie does the first thing she can think of. She shoots. The Fire Fly exclaims, and jumps off Joel, whirling around to face her. She shoots again, dizzy and numb, and watches him die.

The bullet wedged in her back seems to move. Budge further into her flesh.

And in her daze, she’s confused how she can still move. How aiming the gun is so easy all of a sudden, how she isn’t scared anymore; how she’ll shoot everybody here just to keep Joel safe. A Fire Fly charges at her, and Ellie shoots between her eyes. The impact is horrific, but Ellie doesn’t wait to see the aftermath. 

Because her next opponent already has the snout of the gun pressed to her temple. 

Ellie allows Riley to grab her. Dig her fingers into her shirt, and press the snout of the gun into her head, angry and furious and heartbroken and so confused with how _fucked_ the situation has become. Ellie winces at the pain in her back, the bullet, but it’s not enough to finish her. Joel locks eyes with Riley, and Ellie gasps when he immediately fires without hesitation. 

The bullet misses. 

Yet Ellie can still smell the iron. The blood. Riley is bleeding. Someone has hurt her.

Ellie struggles out of her grip, struggles more, but Riley is stronger. She’s saying something, but her words are muffled, and all Ellie can think about is the fact that Joel might get hurt, and that _Riley_ ** _is_** _hurt_. Oh, God, what has she done? How can her ridiculous life reduce the people she loves to wound each other? To become such _animals_?

Finally Ellie pulls away. Riley points the gun at her.

And the battle comes to an end. It feels as if the Gods have breathed a sigh of relief. The world feels as if it has tumbled off its axis. As if the world might possibly end here and now. Joel is holding her from behind. She doesn’t know how he got there. But he’s now holding her, and Riley is pointing the gun, and she’s covered in blood and Ellie has no idea which side to choose––

‘Give her back,’ Riley whispers.

‘Not a chance, kid.’

Ellie yanks away from him. Stands between the two, and Riley doesn’t lower the weapon. 

And, for a second, she despises them both. So fucking much.

How _dare_ they talk about her like this? Like the way she’s been handled her entire life?

‘Anybody about to ask what I think? Huh? You gonna let me have any kinda insight into this or what? This just back-and-forth bullshit––’

‘Ellie,’ Joel says. ‘Listen––’

‘I’m fucking _done_ with listenin’.’ She turns to Riley who has started to lower the gun. Ellie searches her eyes, for any kind of answer. For something. ‘You want me that bad? _Take me_. I’m yours. I ain’t got any fight left in me, ‘cos what’s the fucking point? If you don’t come after me, others will. And one day I’ll have nobody to protect but myself. So get on with it.’

‘It doesn’t have to be this way––’ 

‘What way does it have to be then? Like _this_?’ Ellie gestures to the corpses littered around them. She exhales, ‘I think I’ve had enough people die for me already.’ And suddenly, the possibility of death doesn’t seem so frightening anymore. Anything in comparison to losing Riley and Joel is easy to face. A breeze in the wind. 

To Ellie’s surprise, Joel hasn’t attempted to convince her she’s speaking nonsense. In fact, he seems to have _surrendered_. Reclined his shoulders, and allowed her to finally make the decision herself. She’s extremely conscious of his silence, of his inability to argue with her anymore. 

But Riley has _pledged_ to somebody.

The few scouts she’s got left watch the event unfold, and Ellie waits for whatever decision Riley makes. She’s allowed it to be easy for her. Simple. Choose Ellie. And run. Do what Marlene couldn’t, and walk away with mankind flourishing once again.

That’s the hope. At least.

For the first time in a long time, Riley feels small. Insignificant. 

How Ellie is able to manipulate the situation. Almost use them like puppets, pulling at the strings and watching the blood pour. All for her heart.

Taking Marlene out of the picture, the Fire Flies, the image of her father tearing apart her mother––Ellie is all Riley wants anyway. So what does it matter? What does it matter if she abandons the remaining Fire Flies, and lets Ellie run free? In the short-run, it has no consequence. She’s just another survivor. Like they all are.

And she deserves to live.

Riley’s throat aches. Her lungs feel crushed, and she inhales sharply. 

( _How Ellie makes her lose her mind_.)

As she starts to lower her weapon, starts to consider how she really has no decision in all of this, her chest feels as if it has been pulled apart. As if somebody has tugged aside her flesh and drove a dagger inside. Tightened it and _twisted_. 

But the look on Ellie’s face tells her it isn’t a knife at all.

Another bullet meets her stomach. Then another. 

They come from afar. From behind Joel’s shoulder, and she can just about decipher the group coming forward, weapons ready––the woman with blonde hair, ready to fire again if necessary. But it isn’t. Ellie says something. A word. Several words. Nothing at all. But suddenly the world is tiring, and Riley can feel the blood pool away, like water. Like a river, rushing to the ground. Like a sea of red. And it doesn’t hurt. Nothing hurts.

As the sniper drops, Riley falls back, and she can picture Ellie’s face: the very sight of witnessing each bullet puncture her flesh.

Until everything fades into a bleak white.

 

 

 

 

 

The bullet didn’t hit anything internal. In fact, the medic suggested it best to leave the bullet in––the object isn’t doing any harm. And Ellie is damned lucky she got away so well. Some antiseptic, a bandage, and a little nursing will be plenty. Then there’s the blood. The buckets of blood splashed across her body. Blood which doesn’t belong to her.

When Joel visits, she grabs him by the wrist, eyes wide. ‘What about Riley?’

An emotion shadows his expression, but it passes quickly. Even after the commotion, Ellie still cares. She still cares, and she knows she shouldn’t, but this is _Riley_. And Riley would be asking the very same question if the roles were reversed.

Riley might be a devoted Fire Fly, might have pointed the gun at her, but she’s still Riley.

Still everything.

Joel sits on the edge of the bed, releasing a long sigh. Ellie notes the bandage wrapped around his palm, and her heart aches. ‘Think I came just at the right time.’ She can’t deny that. If Joel didn’t appear when he did, God knows what would have happened. Joel reaches for her hand, and squeezes affectionately. ‘Sorry, kid. I did it again.’

_I acted on impulse. Acted as if you were my daughter––all over again._

‘What d’you want? D’you want to let ‘em have you?’ He pauses. ‘If you want that, I can’t stop you. It’s your body, kiddo. Fuck, I should’ve given you the decision when you were taken to the lab. If you want that, I ain’t gonna stop you, but I wanna come with you. Want to be there when they put you under, y’know?’

A cry is desperate to rip from her throat. 

About Joel, about his apology, about how hard he’s trying to explain his side of things, but knows he’s got nothing. He acted on impulse. He made a mistake. He hurt her without meaning to. Lied, just so that she could live without a sense of fault. He tried to be a father, and he failed. 

About the girl who Ellie doesn’t know is dead or alive.

‘Would it work?’ Ellie whispers. ‘If I gave myself up, would it work?’

‘Maybe,’ Joel allows. ‘But it’s a fuckin’ risk. And… there are some things in the world which just don’t need fixin’.’ He slips his hand from hers. ‘You don’t owe them anythin’, Ellie. Like your mum said; you owe ‘em nothin’. It ain’t on you to do give yourself up. You got that?’

‘I got it.’

‘But it’s your choice.’ 

‘Yeah.’

They sit there, quiet, wondering. She studies his raw, broken hands. The cuts littered across his arms. Dry blood he hasn’t washed away yet. Torn flesh, and bruising. She ponders over how many weapons he has held, how many corpses he’s carried, how many necks those hands have snapped. And how many faces they’ve caressed, lips they’ve touched, warm bodies he’s embraced.

How long has it been?

Untouched by a lover for so many years, or by a daughter, _by anybody_ , Ellie thinks it admirable he’s survived so long.

There was Tess, though. Ellie remembers her fondly. Wonders what she would say. After all of their hard work to get Ellie to the Fire Flies, how would she react, knowing a vaccine hadn’t been attempted yet? That her death was all for nothing?

‘Joel.’

‘Yeah?’

‘How many more does there need to be? How many more have to turn, or die, until it’s enough? Until I don’t have a choice?’

Joel doesn’t answer, but he doesn’t have to. 

It’s been enough for the past two decades. More than enough. Too many have died. Too many have turned. Too many have gone mad.

Too many.

Joel brushes his fingertips across her cheek. Sighs, and stands to his feet. His sudden absence is a cold wave through her body, and she wraps her arms around herself. Holds herself, digging her nails into her shirt, and the thought of _enough_ drags in her mind. Perhaps Ellie should have been taken the moment she was bitten.

Perhaps Joel should have walked away, and not looked back once.

Perhaps Marlene should have shot Ellie as soon as she saw her. Bleeding and sore, Riley clinging onto her, urging Marlene not to fire. Not to fire. _Don’t kill all that’s left of me._

‘Maria hadn’t a choice, kid. She shot the girl––three times. She was dangerous, and sometimes you ain’t got a choice. She did what was necessary.’

Each bullet. Like glass. And the _blood_. The look of _nothing_ in Riley’s eyes as each pierced her body. And how Ellie just stood there, horrified, watching her best friend collapse to the ground. How Joel ran for Ellie, grabbed her, yanked her back before she could reach the girl. How everything after that was a blur. Meaningless. 

Kind of like dreaming.

Ellie saw it happen.

She watched Riley slowly lower the gun, watched Riley make her decision to surrender, before she was shot.

The girl was going to walk away.

Ellie winces. Hot tears scorch her eyes, and she scrunches them shut, urging the tears to escape. They roll down her cheeks like waves, and she feels useless, helpless. 

Ruined.

‘––And the Fire Fly girl is alive. Not conscious, but she’s alive. They’re gonna keep her in the holdin’ cells again when she’s better, along with the other Fire Flies who survived.’

Alive.

Alive.

Riley Abel is _alive_. 

Despite everything, Ellie smiles, and Riley’s beating heart is all that matters.

 


	14. 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This whole chapter is set immediately after Ellie is bitten. My own take on the event, and what the infection does to a person while it spreads.

_‘Sorry.’_

_‘… for what?’_

 

 

 

 

 

_Blood oozes from the bite._

_That’s the certainty: the wound bleeds, but the infection settles. She shudders in the night, and digs her teeth into the blanket from the agony. Sweat across her forehead, and her body hot––almost scolding to touch. Everything is just how an infection kills. There’s a temperature, a kind of feverish set of symptoms. The sleepless nights, the horrid sweats, the gibberish bursting from their mouths. The vomiting; the slow, yet inevitable transformation from person to monster. Gradual, yet fast all the same._

_The first night, the only night, is the most torturous._

_Ellie moans in her distress, and as much as she tries to cover her agony, it’s too much. Not even the most hardest of military soldiers could tolerate such pain. In a bizarre way, it’s like sunstroke. Makes her delusional, blind in her burn, tossing and turning and clinging to the sore wound. And all the while, she is just so thankful Riley got away. That before the stalker bit her, Ellie reached her in time, stabbed her knife into the creature’s neck. Watched the blood pool at her feet, her arm throbbing and scorching._

_It happens immediately. The infection. It spreads immediately, and it’s so fucking unfair. Not a moment is wasted. The infection soars through her body, and she endures it with a heavy heart. Dying––that’s what Ellie looks forward to the most. Breathing her last, to turn into one of those things, and be set free from all of this._

_Ellie doesn’t sleep. Not really._

_Riley has attempted to create a camp for the two of them. The tent is dismantled, but useable, and she buries Ellie in blankets. Tries to comfort her right to the end. She builds a fire, but her lighter is out, and there are no rocks in sight. Frustrated, she kicks the small amount of wood she discovered. Looks towards where Ellie lies. Young and small and barely aware._

_It’s odd that only hours ago they were playing together. Kissing._

_Riley enters the tent, and crawls towards her. That’s when she notices Ellie is awake. How she clings to the blanket, bites into it just to ease the pain; the constant shuddering. Riley watches her helplessly. Watches her best friend slowly disappear, and there is nothing she can do. Nothing she can do to end it; to end the pain. She recounts her own words: the fact they must fight until the very end, but witnessing Ellie like this, Riley isn’t sure if she decided correctly._

_Then, to her surprise, Ellie senses her presence. She rolls onto her back to look at her, one eye open. ‘You still hangin’ in there?’_

_‘Me?’ Riley blinks, perplexed. ‘I––I’m not…’ She sighs, ‘You’re sick.’_

_‘Yeah.’ Ellie rubs her eyes with the heel of her palms. ‘This is such bullshit.’ She tries to laugh, but her attempts run short. The infection wins, and Ellie loses grasp with the humour of it all. It doesn’t matter. Riley wasn’t laughing anyway. Not even smiling._

_Crying––that’s all she wants to do. Just cry._

_Riley kisses Ellie’s cheek, and lies beside her. She runs a hand through Ellie’s hair, and watches her rest. She’s too pale, there are pink rings under her eyes, and she’s… she’s_ **_sick_ ** _. Ellie is sick. Riley turns to her side, resting her hand a little above Ellie’s chest. She lies with Ellie. Clings onto her top, and counts down the seconds. Counts them down. One, two, three… counts them, counts them––_

_––until her eyes turn white, and her jaw snaps._

_And Riley strangles her to death._

_‘I really wanna go to that Greek island you talked about.’_

_Riley exhales. ‘We can go there. I’ll take you with me?’_

_‘Right, yeah. Shove me in your suitcase.’_

_They chortle. Riley’s smile barely lasts. It drops in her silence._

_‘You wanna go?’ She whispers. Ellie tilts her head, and opens her eyes to look at her briefly. Riley admires the faint freckles scattered across her cheeks, and feels tempted to kiss them. ‘We’re lyin’ on a beach, and the sand is white––like pure, white sand that they talk about. No stones or anythin’. And it’s hot. Hot between our toes and we just lie on the beach all day and night ‘cos the sun is so warm. We can swim in the sea, and just laze around; do what we want. And then it’s soon night, the sun has set, but it ain’t cold––and it’s just us. No infected, no fucking military or Fire Flies on us; just us two, and we’re just… we’re just happy, Ellie… Just me and you.’_

_‘Me and you,’ Ellie mumbles. She twitches a smile. ‘I kinda like that.’_

_‘Nobody tellin’ us what to do. Just being us.’_

_‘That’s nice. Really nice.’_

_‘Our own little place.’_

_‘Riley?’_

_‘Yeah?’_

_‘You’re a fuckin’ sap.’_

_Riley grins. Yet it’s sad and lost, and Ellie doesn’t catch it. ‘But you love me for it.’_

_There’s a second, and then Ellie turns onto her side, and their noses bump together. Riley wraps an arm around her waist, and cuddles her gently. She breathes her in, buries her face into the crook of Ellie’s neck, and imagines the sand between their toes. The water, so blue, it may as well mirror the colour of the sky. And the sun. So hot, it caresses their skin, and it’s wonderful._

_So warm and perfect and everything they deserve._

_But she opens her eyes, and her throat narrows. Because their reality is a crooked tent, a cold night, and her friend shuddering in her arms, waiting to die._

_‘You gonna join them anyway? When I’m gone?’_

_The Fire Flies. Will Riley bury Ellie’s corpse, and follow the light anyway? Does it matter?_

_Does the kiss mean nothing now?_

_But the truth is, Riley would give away the Fire Flies, give away_ **_everything_ ** _, just to preserve Ellie’s life._

_‘Remember when we first met?’_

_Ellie stirs in her embrace, and Riley clings onto her. Searching for something to hold, Ellie grabs Riley’s collar, and holds her so fiercely her knuckles turn white. Of course she remembers when they first met. And the first second, Riley stole her breath. How she defended her so effortlessly, defended her without even knowing her name. How Ellie latched onto her that very moment._

_And that was that._

_Those two. Rebellious children in a corrupt military school, escaping through the window for an evening of shenanigans. Stuff which means nothing now._

_‘Did Marlene say anythin’ about my mum?’_

_Riley narrows her brows at the question. She hesitates._

_‘Not really. She doesn’t tell me much. I––I guess she doesn’t really see me. I know her name was Anna, but that’s about it. She was young. I guess around your age, but that’s all I know.’ A beat. Ellie doesn’t move. ‘I’m sorry. I know you want to know her, but…’_

_‘It’s okay.’_

_If the beliefs they were taught are true, Ellie may know her mother eventually––open arms at the gate of some kind of haven, an afterlife. Somewhere uncertain._

 

 

 

 

 

_‘Did you leave our water pistols back there?’_

_‘Holy shit.’ Riley widens her eyes. ‘Aw, man… Ellie, I’m sorry.’_

_To her joy, Ellie laughs. Bright and cheerful. ‘Shit. Fuck it. Hey, at least our zombie pals get a new toy.’_

_Riley sniggers. ‘At least we’d kick their asses then.’_

_‘Well, I mean,_ **_I_ ** _would––not sure about you, though.’_

_‘Oh, yeah? Wanna bet on that?’_

_Ellie smirks knowingly. ‘You know I’m good.’_

_‘I also know you’re full of crap, but… You’re all right, I suppose.’_

 

 

 

 

 

_‘Why were you sorry?’_

_‘I dunno… guess I didn’t know how else to feel…’_

 

 

 

 

 

_Riley thinks her beautiful while she rests._

_Something peaceful. Soft._

_A fragile thing, ready to waste._

_Leaning over to stroke her face, Riley can only adore her. For following her all this time, for taking her back after all the shit they’ve thrown at each other. For taking the bullet when she didn’t have to._

_As the evening passes, she could stay here, with her. Stay, for as long as it takes; for an eternity._

 

 

 

 

 

_The seventh hour. It’s past midnight._

_Riley wakes up abruptly to the sound of a gun._

_She jolts upright, throwing off the blanket, and reaches for Ellie. Horrified, Riley discovers she’s absent, and dashes out of the tent. There, before her, Ellie has her back turned, struggling with the safety on Riley’s gun. Riley stares at her, watches her shaking hands hold the weapon, desperate to release her from the nightmare she’s trying to desperately escape._

_It’s remarkable, fascinating, disturbing how so few hours have changed her. Ellie has lost colour in her cheeks, and the infection has clearly spread––affecting every organ, and it’s only a matter of time until it reaches her brain and destroys every part that makes Ellie, Ellie. Before the weapon can be positioned, before she can put the snout of the gun into her mouth, Riley comes forward._

_Carefully she places her hand on the gun, successfully lowers it, but Ellie is determined. When she looks at Riley, her eyes are wide,_ **_pleading_ ** _, and Riley is certain what madness is. Madness isn’t her own father tearing apart her mother. It’s not about Ellie suddenly turning, desperate to claw out her eyes. Madness is barely having the will to live anymore, so terrified of what is to come, in so much agony from the bite, and how the toxic locates itself on everything internal, before latching on. And breaking._

_‘You gotta shoot me.’_

_Riley takes the gun. Ellie is too weak to fight, but instead she grabs onto Riley’s collar and shakes her._

_‘Shoot me! Please––don’t make me turn!’_

_‘You’re not thinkin’ clearly.’_

_‘I’m thinkin’ all that I’ve got left before I turn. Don’t make me go through this––’_

_‘Shh. Stop. Ellie––’_

_‘I can’t stop thinkin’ about it. About me just… losing my mind, and killing you. Don’t make me do that.’_

_Riley can’t bear to hear anymore. Tears in her eyes, she holds Ellie’s face between her hands, forcing Ellie to look at her. ‘You ain’t soundin’ yourself, Ellie. Listen to what you’re sayin’._ **_Listen_ ** _to yourself. I’m not gonna make you hurt me. I swear. And I won’t allow you to turn. You’ll be dead before it happens––I wouldn’t ever do that to you. Not if you didn’t want me to.’_

_‘I already feel like I’m losin’ my mind.’_

_Riley wants to say sorry. She’s so sorry she allowed Ellie to survive this long. So sorry she didn’t shoot her the moment she saw the bite. She’s so fucking sorry she was too selfish to lose her. So sorry she loves her more than she’d ever admit, and that this happened._

_So sorry she led Ellie out of the quarantine zone._

_Just for fun._

_‘We fight for what little time we have left together. Remember?’_

_Be it a whole day. A month. Year._

_One second._

_Ellie shudders, loosening her grip on Riley’s collar. She looks into her eyes, and hears each word. Recalls everything Riley said. There are two options. Death. Or fighting. And Ellie is free to take the easy way out. If that’s what she wants. If she wants to end it here, she can. She can end the disease which rots her away, or she can breathe right until the very end. It’s up to her._

_And Riley will give her that._

_(Be all poetic together.)_

_So she chooses Riley. The only choice._

 

 

 

 

 

_It’s the moonlight which disturbs her slumber._

_The two are pressed together. They fit, like a jigsaw puzzle, arms, legs, bodies intertwined, and Riley is lost in a daze. Dreaming of empty spaces. Waiting. Mind awake, racing, and yet the rest of her exhausted. Aching beside somebody who has seconds left. Seconds._

_And, all she can think about is how much she’ll miss her._

_Miss her so much._

_Ellie stirs. Riley’s hand moves across her waist, and she halts, hoping to not have woken her. But the moonlight is harsh, and beautiful, and perhaps the last thing they ever see._

_One of them kisses the other. And Ellie’s lips are chapped, and cold, and in need of attention, and so Riley doesn’t rush. Unlike before, it’s more intimate, more natural; there’s something about kissing Ellie which is_ **_effortless_ ** _, and demands nothing. Neither are sure if they’re wake. Perhaps dreaming in a quiet place, waltzing through their madness. Perhaps this is all real._

_Perhaps the way Riley kisses her, slowly and gentle, is all real. Perhaps how Ellie seems to cling onto her shirt, submitting to whatever is offered––maybe that’s reality too._

_Maybe a dream._

_Eventually, they fall asleep together, held and gone._

 

 

 

 

 

_Like a fever. That’s the only way to describe it. At first._

_Blood no longer pools from the bite. And scarlet has begun to spread across her delicate cheeks. She’s awake, conscious, and they’re silent._

_It’s as if nothing ever happened._

_Ellie brushes her fingertips across the wound. Still fresh, still sore. But healed._

_There’s nothing to it._

_So, she raises her gaze, looks at Riley’s adoring eyes––_

_––and they know._

 

 

 

 

 

_‘Ellie?’_

_The girl is fussing. Inspecting the wound, obsessing over it; baffled. Riley takes her hand, intertwines her fingers with hers, before resting her head on her shoulder. Ellie leans into her slightly, and suddenly feels exhausted. The symptoms have dispersed and she needs to sleep._

_Minutes ago, Marlene had pointed the gun at her. Threatened to shoot if she dared take another step._

_Riley had been_ **_this_ ** _close to losing her nerve. Despite looking up to Marlene as an idol of sorts, she would have beaten her to the bullet. They had just been through Hell. If Marlene wanted to end their lives here and now, Riley wouldn’t allow it. Ellie survived, and she deserves to live._

_But Marlene just looked at the bite, lowered the weapon, and took Ellie in without hesitation._

_Innocent to her motive, Ellie interpreted her welcome as affectionate. Kindness. Riley knew better. Marlene’s true motive was painted in her eyes; clear as day. They had spoken about vaccines. The possibility of a cure. Somebody who would die at the operating table, and allow mankind to flourish once again. Riley clung onto Ellie possessively, and watched Marlene’s weapon as she guided them further into the base._

_Their kisses are sowed in her mind._

_If Ellie weren’t immune, she’d be dead. And Riley can’t quite imagine that; can’t quite imagine the possibility that this constant in her life would simply––vanish._

_They sit. Waiting for Marlene to make a decision with her scouts. Inevitably, Ellie will be taken away from her, and Riley isn’t sure what will happen after that. Whether Marlene will ask Riley to escort Ellie to the lab, whether she’ll offer Riley another job, or whether she’ll simply get rid of her._

_After all, Marlene has noticed how Riley’s dog tags have mysteriously disappeared._

_Yanked off her neck, seconds before Ellie kissed her for the first time._

_Maybe this is the last time they’ll ever see each other._

_Ellie observes Riley from the corner of her eye. The panic and trouble settling into her sweet face. Ellie has always thought nothing could scare this girl. She laughs at horror, takes everything lightly; breezes her way through life with a kind of carefree manner. It’s the many things she’s admired about Riley, and sometimes she really wishes she could be that way too._

_Happy for the sake of being happy._

_But, this time, Riley isn’t laughing or making a joke. She’s tense in her seat, and staring at the door, wracking through her mind the countless possibilities. They both know what’s going to happen though. Ellie will be taken, taken somewhere Riley cannot reach, and that’s too far away._

_‘We should’ve stayed on the carousal,’ Riley whispers under her breath._

_Ellie smiles crookedly, raises Riley’s hand in her own, and kisses her palm._

_And that plan doesn’t sound half bad._

_Round, and round, and round…_

_That’s a joyful game. This little image in her head, Riley’s laughter from somewhere, her hands holding the brass pole tightly––everything around her a blur of pretty colours. Faces she doesn’t know._

_It’s one of few memories she can remain faithful to._

_Even when Marlene throws on a jacket, covering the wound, and raises the girl’s hood. Makes her a thing in need of smuggling; a prize. Something best kept secret._

_The rain feels sharp against Ellie’s cheeks, and she’s grateful. At least, then, Marlene can’t distinguish between the tears and rain. At least, then, she can mourn her loss a little._

 


	15. 15

A week passes. 

More men and women patrol the outer perimeter. There’s a sense of unease within the camp, and it’s infectious. Everybody knows about the Fire Flies, stored safely in their cells. Everybody knows that Tommy and Maria haven’t made a decision yet. Kill them? Let them go? Hire them as potential soldiers? They have the training, the skill set. All things necessary in order to survive.

They’re questioned. Queried about their motive, although it’s clear.

Ellie. They want the girl. The vaccine Joel stole from them.

When one of her soldiers asks, Maria shuts him down. As far as she’s concerned, Ellie isn’t cargo she’s willing to throw away. And she’s not for sale. The Fire Flies could offer her gold, could offer her all the artillery in the world, but they’re not getting one of her best fighters. And while she’s not familiar with Anna like Tommy was, the couple have decided they’d rather take her mother’s side, than Marlene’s. After all, the vaccine may not succeed.

Of course, there’s Joel.

(Take away a man’s daughter, then he has nothing left to lose.)

It’s not the scouts Maria is particularly interested in, though. The leader of the group has healed considerably well since Maria shot three bullets into her chest. She wouldn’t admit it, but it felt _good_. Felt good to do what should have been done ages ago. 

A protective leader herself, Maria has little sympathy for traitors. Especially in a world this small.

Once the medic confirms she’s stable, Maria doesn’t waste time. With care, Riley is escorted to her own, tiny cell. Away from her scouts. This is deliberate. A secure measure, just in case she dares attempt an escape. Dares kidnap Ellie and do what she feels is a must. But Riley has no fight left in her, and she accepts her punishment. Fighting is impossible; she’d only reopen her wounds, and that’s the last thing she needs right now.

It is awful; to be back here. Back at square one.

The cell is damp. Dark. Maria takes her arm, and walks her inside. The door closes with a forbidding slam, and for the moment it’s pitch-black. Riley remains standing while Maria fiddles with her flashlight, switches it on, and passes it to the younger woman. This is a surprising amount of generosity, and Riley accepts without a thank you.

‘Rest,’ Maria says. ‘I don’t want to be buryin’ your body too.’

‘You’re lettin’ me live?’

Maria sighs. Riley imagines the woman glaring, but she can’t be sure. ‘Trust me, if this were my decision, I’d have shot you in the head.’ Riley swallows, wisely deciding not to speak another word. She turns her head, and watches Maria inspect the cell. Comforted that it’s relatively clean, and there are no pests, she meets Riley’s line of gaze. ‘You lost a lotta blood. Nearly died, but I ensured you didn’t. Don’t see this as a second chance. Or a weakness. Try anythin’ like you just pulled, you won’t be breathin’ again. I am in charge here. You got that?’

And Riley can imagine her saying that over her corpse, with the same tone and the exact same words. It causes a shiver to run up her spine. She’s reminded of how small Maria can make her feel. How irrelevant she makes her work, her commitment to the Fire Flies. Riley wants to hate her, but can’t help but admire her instead. If Riley had a gun aimed at her head, Maria would remain unnerved. 

Completely stoic.

‘Yes, ma’am.’ 

The blonde stops. She hears the mockery in Riley’s tone, and the slightest hint of sincerity. 

Maria swivels around on her heel, and proceeds for the door. At the sound of her footsteps, Riley winces. The bullet holes in her chest soar with agony. Her hand passes them briefly, and just as Maria reaches for the door, she asks, ‘Is Ellie okay?’

It confirms enough. That simple question.

Maria clenches a fist, and looks back at her. She realises how small Riley is, how skinny she is, how she seems to slump forward in this moment; so much weight pressed down on her shoulders. Too much responsibility which her previous leader demanded. 

Poor girl.

Another pathetic life gone to waste. 

‘Yeah. She’s okay.’ Riley exhales in relief. ‘Should I say the same about you?’

Riley steps further into her cell, touches the wall beneath her fingertips, and turns to the door. It’s open slightly, and a little light gleams through. Tempting her. ‘Say what you wanna. I don’t fuckin’ care,’ Riley whispers, before sitting on the cold ground.

When Maria departs, Riley scrunches her eyes shut at the sound of the door slamming. She rests her head against the wall, and breathes in. Her chest strains at the pressure, and the corner of her mouth twitches. Funnily enough, after everything, she’s trapped. This time she knows, for a fact, she won’t be getting out alone.

And after what happened, she no longer wishes to.

 

 

 

 

 

The hours turn to days. Perhaps from insanity, her imagination creates patterns in the dark air. Of all kinds of shapes. Weird colours. Fragments she cannot touch. Sometimes, she hears a person approaching. Passing her door, stopping before it, just to chuck in a little food. In the lack of light, Riley can’t quite see what she’s eating, but her stomach growls for it, so she gives in. 

It takes a while. A while, until she thinks about why she’s here. Riley has never felt _anger_ towards anybody; she’s just not that kind of woman. But she pictures Marlene’s face, and her blood boils. Was it all a fucking lie? This promise that, as long as they fought long enough, a cure would be discovered? Out there, somewhere? 

Did it matter? Would it matter? If she caught Ellie, if she forced Ellie to go ahead with the procedure, would it matter? Would Ellie’s feelings matter? Would Joel’s? Would Riley's? Should she have acted more like Marlene, done her duty, and shot Joel in the head? Knocked Ellie out cold, and stolen her away. Should she have honestly done that?

Riley rolls onto her side, and presses her knees to her chest. It’s cold. So cold. A chill bruises her lips, and winter hits like a beast. Jaws wide, and teeth sharp; digging into her flesh, and slowly oozing blood. She has been isolated deliberately. Almost as if she were a little girl, back in military school. Thrown into the closet, just to think about what she’s done. All of her mistakes and silly antics she pulled on her sergeant. They would have kept her in there until she was banging her fists on the door and wailing to be released. To be set free.

Thing is, Riley never wept. Never banged her fists.

Just waited. 

And waited.

Until fear of her starvation caused her teacher to pull her out. To feed her. 

But death has never scared Riley. All that scares her is a lack of hope; a lack of _anything_. A lack of doing anything, doing anything useful. To just kill others aimlessly, and be monsters; to be worse than the creatures which lurk outside. 

Losing Ellie scares her. Terrifies her. Riley wraps her arms around herself, and erases the thought. 

The door opens, and light glares into the cell. Riley scrambles to her feet, turns to her visitor, and she recognises the man immediately. Every time she meets Joel, he seems to age. Something haunts him. It’s clear in his eyes, and he watches her for a while. A few meters away. Watching. She notes the fact he is unarmed, and feels a little at ease.

Joel places a bottle of half-finished alcohol onto the floor. The bottle is a little old, but the drink hasn’t lost its taste. ‘You look like shit,’ he says. Riley blinks up at him, expects an explanation; a scolding. Expects him to hurt her, threaten her, but he sighs and just nods in a kind of acceptance. Before turning away, and closing the door. 

It tastes sweet, the alcohol. Makes her tongue sting. 

 

 

 

 

 

When she wakes up, a flashlight has been placed in the corner of the cell. Riley touches her wounds. Deep holes in her flesh. Sore and in need of nursing. She hisses between her teeth, and turns onto her back, staring at the ceiling. That’s when she’s completely conscious of the light in the room. The fact she isn’t alone. Somebody else is here.

Riley hopes this somebody is Maria’s decision. To finally finish her off, and be done with it.

Yet, what she sees isn’t a decision, isn’t a weapon, but a girl. Ellie must have been watching her, back against the wall, perhaps waiting. Waiting to leave, or stay, or murder Riley in her sleep. Because what’s stopping her? Riley slowly sits upright, wide eyed. Ellie has every damned right. Every right to grab the knife. Every fucking right.

It’s a bizarre thought, bizarre feature to discover, but Riley has rarely witnessed Ellie with her hair down. And in the small amount of light shared between them, Riley is amazed by the redness of her hair; a vibrant scarlet. Like blood. Suddenly, Ellie seems taller, powerful; so much more in control of the situation than Riley will ever be.

And that’s just it. Ellie has complete control.

The very reason humanity balances on the edge is solely due to her. The very reason Marlene is dead is solely due to her. The very reason Riley may starve to death in this cell is due to Ellie Williams, and it’s far too much for a twenty-year-old to manage. 

‘You’re still alive.’

‘Disappointed?’

Ellie shoves her hands into her pockets. Doesn’t answer.

Uncertain of herself, Riley slides back against the wall, into the corner of the cell. She can picture Ellie whipping out the pistol, and firing. Maybe that’s it. To punish her in the most painful way, Maria has ordered Ellie to do the deed. 

But Riley knows how ridiculous that sounds.

She inhales deeply: ‘You shouldn’t be here.’

They don’t know. They don’t know Ellie has crept into Riley’s cell. Just to see her. Just to see if she’s still alive. Riley knocks her head back, and watches the other woman. No one is going to die. Not yet. Not when the earth beneath them is so _unbalanced_. Not when it feels like they’re tipping over together. Riley’s throat narrows, and she wants Ellie to leave.

Seeing her has never been so painful. 

‘Does it hurt?’

‘Yes.’ Riley nearly chokes on her cry. 

It hurts. The wounds hurt, Ellie hurts; being treated like this _fucking hurts_. 

Ellie is still. ‘Oh.’ She steps forward. Riley tenses. Ellie tenses too. Revelation dawns on her, and she widens her eyes. ‘Are you scared of me?’

‘What d’you care?’

‘You’re the one who wants me dead.’

Riley would have yelled then. Screamed. Her lungs ache from the urge, but she restrains herself. But that doesn’t mean she can help the tears. Frustrated, Riley wipes her moist cheeks. ‘Fuck you,’ she whispers. Whispers at Ellie, at Marlene, and at _herself_. Fuck her. Fuck Riley for being so _stupid_. For being so stupid, she doesn’t know which side she’s on anymore.

When these dog tags which _strangle_ her neck mean _nothing_. 

‘You fucked me over, Riley––’

‘Is that why you’re here? To tell me what I already know? Give yourself a fuckin’ pat on the back. I did what I had to do. You don’t think you woulda done the same?’

‘I don’t know.’

‘That’s fucking it! You _don’t_. You know _nothin’_. Nothin’ about what I’ve had to do in order to get this far. Have you actually thought about the amount of people who’ve died because of you? You wanna know how many have died in the hopes of being cure? And here you are, so _fuckin’_ self-centred, alive and well, and you criticise _me_?’

It takes Riley a while to realise she’s on her feet, voice raised, and livid.

Her heart beats too fast. Her wounds might reopen, and she needs to catch her breath. Needs to stop the tears falling from her cheeks, but it’s too late. Riley inhales shakily, and Ellie reacts to every word. How hard Riley is trying not to burst into tears. Not to lose herself. And how much she’s _failing_. But what hurts the most, what really hurts, is that Riley is talking nonsense.

Even she doesn’t believe herself.

‘Say somethin’, dammit! Give me shit for all I care––get this over with. _Please_.’

Ellie’s quiet feels like daggers in her skin. And Riley knows she’s losing. She’s _lost_. The battle has finished, and she’s lost.

The first time Ellie kissed her, she lost. This argument is fruitless, one-sided; it hasn’t got meaning left.

‘You kill me,’ Riley gasps. 

It might as well be a confession. Written in stone. Something sinful and wrong and _perfect_. 

Beautiful. 

Ellie finally responds. She turns away, just to wipe her eyes, just to clear any sign that she, too, oozes with pain. On her way to this cell, she had a speech prepared. A thousand words ready. A poem of confusion and anger and uncertainty, but nothing needs to be said. Riley took all the words, wrote them in blood, and allowed the red to sink into the paper.

‘You lowered your gun,’ Ellie’s voice comes out firm; stable. Her emotions don’t betray her. ‘You can talk shit to me, but I know what you were gonna do.’

‘Would’ve been pointless. Everybody dies on that fuckin’ table––as soon as the scalpel touches them, their heart gives out, and it’s so fast, you don’t even have time to bring them back.’ Riley covers her mouth with her hand. Stops. Breathes. ‘And if you died, I… I guess… I guess I would wanna die too. Just lock myself away, grab the gun and pull the trigger––’

‘Riley.’

‘I promised her. You know? I promised her, Ellie. That I’d make sure you were the vaccine. She was convinced you were the only hope we had left, and I believed––I _believe_ her. You are. Maybe you are better to us dead than alive, but––’ she runs a hand through her hair. Wishes a hole would open up beneath her. Swallow her. Make her disappear. ‘––none of it was a lie,’ she whispers. ‘You’re really all I want, and I was tellin’ the truth when I said that.’

‘Just… just tell me. Be honest: despite everythin’, you still want me to go ahead with the procedure anyway. You still believe it. That I’m the only cure.’

‘Yeah.’ Riley won’t deny Ellie that. She won’t deny her the truth. Not now. Not ever. ‘Yeah, I do. I have to. I’m sorry.’

‘That’s okay. I just wanted to know.’

‘Is that it, then?’

‘That’s it.’

Riley feels bruised. Pathetic. She pulls at her sleeve, and the three bullet wounds seem bigger. Feel as if they’re gaping. Black voids in her body. ‘Don’t you hate me?’ Ellie shakes her head lightly. And Riley doesn’t have anything left. No words, no attempts of convincing her, no confessions. It’s all out there, between them, and, yet, she might as well be drowning. 

When Ellie walks towards Riley, her boot accidentally catches an empty bottle. The one Joel offered. It rolls into the side of the cell, _clang_ ing against the wall, unnoticed by the pair. Riley presses herself up against the wall, prepared for whatever Ellie thinks necessary. She’s witnessed this girl murder more than just men, but stalkers too. 

If she wanted, she could hurt her. 

Riley drops her gaze, loves the freckles scattered across Ellie’s cheeks, and it’s obvious the harm has already been inflicted. 

And Ellie didn’t come here to inflict _damage_. 

‘You just gotta swear to me. Swear to me you didn’t plan all this. You didn’t plan to get caught, to take me when you had the chance.’

It’s more than Ellie describes. Not just the ambush, but Riley admitting her love for her––all Ellie asks if that wasn’t some kind of plan. Some way to lure her in. Make a fool out of her. To mock her. To be cruel to her. Because imagining that Riley is capable of such an atrocity is too much for her to bear. Imagining that, imagining it all as a lie––

––Riley kisses her roughly. Their teeth bump together, and she accidentally nicks Ellie’s lip, causing her to bleed. Ellie breathes against her mouth, and they shudder, amazed and, if not, traumatised by how easily they make the other lose themselves. 

There’s a beat. Ellie’s fingertips hesitantly pass Riley’s cheek, the corner of her lips, and they’re kissing again. Softer this time. Riley can taste blood, ash and salt, and something wonderful. Her hands remain at her sides, and she’s discipling herself; trying _not_ to touch her. Feel her warmth again, how her skin feels like silk under her palms. 

Riley retreats, and Ellie moves in for another kiss, but the older woman stops her. She presses a hand slightly above Ellie’s chest, tries to look at her, regain her own senses. Her voice comes out shaky, fighting off every emotion colliding within her. 

‘I swear. I swear I wouldn’t do that.’

Ellie catches sight of the chain around Riley’s neck. It seems to wink at her in the light. Taunting her. And she despises the sight of the damned thing. Hates it so fucking much, she wishes to yank it off her neck, and _burn_ it. Bury it beneath the rocks, and let it disappear. Corrode into nothing. This burden Riley has to carry everywhere. When she really doesn’t have to.

A part of Ellie knows she shouldn’t do this. (She shouldn’t be here.)

But she’s never really been sure about what should be. What ought to be.

(In a way, she doesn’t care anymore.)

They’ve aged, and fate adores tearing them apart. Ellie can’t focus. As if on instinct, she grabs the chain, pulls at it, and forces Riley’s mouth onto hers. A brief pause, some kind of hesitation, passes between them. Ellie tightens her grip on the chain, welcomes Riley’s tongue, and gently bites down. Riley flinches, reacts, and her hands reach for her hips. She pushes herself into her, gasping, yanking at her shirt, before spreading her palms beneath the material. 

Ellie breaks away momentarily, shuddering at the sensation. Her mind screams, the image of Riley holding a gun to her _wails_ in her head, and she desperately tugs it away, slamming her lips to Riley’s. Kissing her urgently, fingers pulling and tearing at Riley’s jacket. 

Buttons carelessly being undone, their mouths hot and pressed together; panting and wanting and searching for what they can touch; cling to. Riley combs her fingers through Ellie’s hair, and it’s such a euphoric feeling. Being able to do that. To touch her so freely, so easily.

But Ellie is less appreciative of the little things, less patient. Younger. Angered. Hurt. Confused. She kisses Riley’s face, her cheeks, nose, chin, lips, everywhere she can, and Riley is overwhelmed by the affection. She presses her hands into Ellie’s waist, and they meet in another kiss. Deep, passionate, wet––careless and hungry. 

Their knees bump together. Riley falls into the wall, and embraces Ellie tightly. She surrenders a little, moaning lightly while Ellie sends butterfly kisses down her neck, before searching for her lips again.

It’s when Ellie tugs off Riley’s top, does the chill hit. Riley shivers, and they refuse any gaps between them. She captures Ellie’s hand in her own, intertwining their fingers. They move into each other, stroke each other, caress, and they ache, throb, searching their skin, curves. The fractured flesh hidden beneath their armour. Ellie’s fingers pass the bandage wrapped tightly around Riley’s stomach, the bullets removed; cruel little reminders of what reality has become.

Riley nips at her lower lip affectionately, and takes her hands. 

They happen on the cell floor. Wrapped in the dark, limbs tangled and barely able to breathe.

Riley slips her finger into Ellie’s entrance, moaning at how she’s already wet, before bucking into her. Ellie gasps, silent at first, and moves in sync with Riley’s fingers. She finds Riley’s working hand, guiding her further, and as the friction increases, she starts to moan. A shiver travels up Riley’s spine, and she increases the pace. Ellie clutches onto Riley’s arm, shuddering and nearing her peak quickly. Her hips jerk, and a small cry escapes.

When Ellie comes, it’s sudden and harsh. She buries her head into the crook of Riley’s neck to muffle the noise, but the exclaim is high and desperate. The motion of her hips come to a slow, reluctant halt. Raising her head, she searches for Riley’s face in the dark, her warm eyes; the flush of her cheeks. The intensity of before shocks them slightly, but they speedily recover. 

Riley kisses the corner of her mouth. ‘You do so much to me.’

‘Fuck,’ Ellie whispers, her arousal burning. She’s barely conscious of herself, aware of her movements; barely _aware_. ‘Touch me already. _Please_.’

Riley obliges. Her palm presses against her warmth, and she’s about ready to begin again. But Ellie takes her by surprise. She encourages Riley to the floor while Ellie straddles her hips. The change in position is more than what it simply is. Ellie hasn’t forgiven her. She’s furious, upset–– _so fucking upset_ ––that Riley would even consider pointing a gun at her, threatening her. Stowing her away, and using her as a puppet. Mere luggage.

Grabbing Riley’s wrist, Ellie guides her towards her, and Riley tries again. Ellie presses a hand to Riley’s chest, balancing herself, her hot breath passing across Riley’s cheek. As Riley tries to hold Ellie’s waist, she’s conscious of how Ellie moves above her, and it’s enough to make her moan. Make her grow insane. And she can’t help herself: Ellie looks amazing, and she’s too in love. Riley reaches up to massage her breast, to tease her, help her, but she can barely concentrate.

Eventually Riley gives up. She falls back into the floor, and watches Ellie. Riley curls her fingers, Ellie grips onto her, tightening her thighs. As Riley tries to create more friction, she’s taken by surprise again. Ellie uses her free hand to take Riley in the same manner, and she knows the perfect place to touch. Riley bites down on her lip, spreading her legs a little wider for Ellie to do as she wishes. 

‘Fuck, fuck––Riley, holy shit––oh, _fuck––_ ’ 

Apparently Riley doesn’t need much more encouragement than that. At the sound of Ellie’s moan alone, she could have reached her climax. Riley groans, before letting out a moan, flooding Ellie’s hand. Through it, her fingers keep up with their movement, coaxing Ellie’s orgasm out of her. They gasp, cling on, moan, and between it all, Ellie comes again. She falls onto Riley, their breaths hot, aching and unfocussed. 

They recover, and still trembling, Ellie raises herself. Her hand passes Riley’s breast, down to her stomach, the rough bandage. Neither speak. 

Finally Ellie’s senses hit. And they hit all at once. What waits beyond the cell door, the fact she doesn’t have permission to be here; and that her own duty in this camp calls her back. 

Riley feels the cold when Ellie stands to her feet, and searches for her clothes blindly in the dark. She doesn’t manage to discover much, because Riley has caught her wrist, and they stand together, vulnerable and teeth chattering from the freeze. Riley can’t make out much of her face, but holding her is enough. 

‘Wait, wait,’ she says, voice dripping with doubt. A need to be forgiven. ‘I know I––I can’t have you forever, I guess, but stay a little…? Just a little bit.’

Ellie is still dazed. Still unable to process what just happened between them.

In all honesty, she would like to stay forever too.

‘All right,’ she exhales, finding Riley’s hand, and squeezing. Her heart feels like iron beneath her breast. ‘I guess there’s no harm in that.’

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while since I've written anything this angsty. And frisky at the same time. Oops.
> 
> Please follow my Tumblr! My url is wreckofherheart, and it'd be great to follow some Tumblrinos who are interested in this ship.   
> Here's the link: http://wreckofherheart.tumblr.com
> 
> Thank you for reading. :)


	16. 16

Perhaps Ellie has a tendency for bad luck. Since birth, fate has never been very fond of her; killing her mother only days after her first breath, before throwing her into one of the most abusive military schools. Perhaps Ellie just has a tendency for bad luck, because the first and only friend she makes is a girl four years older, trained, and a rebel. Not the mischievous kind, but one with a very specific cause. She hated the military, hated to be given orders, and her eyes were set on the Fire Flies. In her fascination, she dragged Ellie along with her, and that was all a misfortune. 

However, Ellie’s stubbornness never helps the situation. Despite her rather chaotic childhood, she has, at least, been able to make a decision and stick to it. To a fault. Sticking to Riley had been her own decision. Following her out of the quarantine zone was her decision entirely. In fact, Riley had attempted to discourage her at first. Stubborn and, if not naive, Ellie refused to change her mind. Just as with Marlene. The journey with Joel had been the most trying year of her life, and she survived right through to the end. Stubborn, but at least capable.

Maybe that’s why she went back to Riley. Too stubborn to let her go, to not hear her side of the story. Or just stupid. Both. Stubborn, and stupid. Although going back to Riley, kissing her––none of that was planned, and as she stares up at the ceiling, she wonders if she’s really fucked it this time. Riley had pointed a gun at her, intended to murder her, and out of her own stubborn guilt, Ellie tried to forgive her for such a reckless mistake. God knows she has done much worse, for much less. 

And loving another is so much _not_ how they write about it in fairytales. 

It’s entirely consuming. Quite like an illness, refusing to budge. The kind of illness which tastes sweet on her lips, makes her pulse race, her cheeks burn. Wrapping her up against a warm, soft body, cuddled and kissed and made delirious. And she couldn’t feel safer with anybody else. As ironic as that sounds, after feeling their bare skin against the other, their fingertips exploring the map of their bodies, how they fit together so perfectly––she couldn’t feel safer. Riley is like a fire. Her hands leave marks in Ellie’s flesh, and when she makes love to her, it’s a burn so intoxicating, Ellie can do nothing but struggle to breathe. 

The moans Riley gasped out resonate in Ellie’s mind, and she grows slightly agitated. The memory of what happened only hours ago is imprinted on her. Never has she been that way with anybody, that close, that connected. How they moved into each other, needy and desperate. How she can still catch Riley’s scent across her fingertips, how her lips feel bruised from the hurried kisses they shared. How they were wrapped up in the dark, blind in each other; how everything happening outside was completely forgotten about, and it was just them that mattered.

Ellie grabs the pillow and squeezes it to her face, muffling the irritated sigh. Sometimes, she thinks herself the most ridiculous human being on the planet. The undead literally walk outside the gates, mouths gaping, and ready to rip off their heads. The Fire Flies are still after her, hungry for her gifted feature, and her duty within this camp has never felt heavier. And instead of worrying about the important things, she’s obsessing over a girl, her supposed enemy, who is currently locked away. Too far for Ellie to roll over and simply reach towards.

Taking away the pillow, Ellie is finally distracted from Riley, and thinks about the vaccine. And it’s funny; cruel even, that she’s been such a stubborn woman her whole life, but giving this kind of decision––she can’t make up her damned mind! Really, nothing stops her. She could give herself in to the Fire Flies, and they can do whatever they wished. Or, she could think this through rationally. There is a strong chance the vaccine might not work, and she will have died for nothing. Plus, Joel wouldn’t be able to live with himself. After knowing him this long, she cares for him deeply. And she’s not an idiot. Losing another child, he simply won’t survive.

Of course there’s her mother. Ellie realises Anna might have been younger than her when she spoke into that recorder. Ellie doesn’t want to know how she was brought into the word, but she has a horrible hunch Anna did not choose her. Not at first. Not until she gave birth, and held Ellie in her arms. And her mother would have said _no_. No to the vaccine. No to killing her baby. With tears in her eyes, she would have told Ellie _no_. Because she owes them _nothing_. And there is nothing selfish about thinking that way. She was not born in order to die. 

Throwing off the sheet, Ellie sits upright in bed and leans across. She grabs her backpack, and unzips the front pocket, retrieving a torn, aged letter. She blows a few strands of hair from her face, drops the backpack, and reads the letter her mother wrote all of those years ago.

_Ellie,  
_ _I’m going to share a secret with you, I’m not a big fan of kids and I_ _hate_ _babies. And yet… I’m staring at you and I’m just awestruck.  
_ _You’re not even a day old and holding you is the most incredible thing I’ve done in my life – a life that is about to get cut a little short.  
_ _Marlene will look after you. There’s no one in this world I trust more than her. When the time comes she’ll tell you all about me. Don’t give her too much of a hard time. Try not to be as stubborn as me.  
_ _I’m not going to lie, this is a pretty messed up world. It won’t be easy. The thing you always have to remember is that––_

As she has done over a million times, Ellie flips over the letter.

_––life is worth living! Find your purpose and fight for it.  
_ _I see so much strength in you. I know you’ll turn out to be the woman you’re meant to be.  
_ _Forever, your loving mother  
_ _Anna_

Lowering the letter, Ellie props herself on one elbow, and stares idly at the window. Ever since Marlene gave her this letter, Ellie has never been entirely certain of her mother’s tone. What she’s meaning precisely. Marlene told her that her purpose was to join the Fire Flies, to become the vaccine, the cure. That it was her destiny. And it was what her mother was describing in the letter. Ellie’s purpose. The woman she is meant to be.

Maybe Ellie was easily manipulated back then. Told things that were mostly lies. Forced into false beliefs. Strange really. Military school was such a traumatising place, and it had done nothing for her as an individual. But working alongside Joel, ageing within this camp and understanding her real position in a world like this, she has never felt more alive. 

Is that who her mother wanted her to be? Not a vaccine, or cargo, or a soldier, but just Ellie. 

Never has she wanted to speak to her so badly. To just turn to her mother, and ask: _what should I do?_

But there is somebody like that.

Joel.

Throwing on a pair of jeans and a hoody, Ellie escapes her quiet barracks, and searches for where Joel might be. She looks up, watching a few people patrol the perimeter, bored and exhaling smoke into the atmosphere. Their guns appear large in the dark. Like giant claws. She’s relieved she’s not on duty this evening. It’s freezing, and she’s certainly not in the right mind to be protecting families.

Ellie’s first guess is that Joel might be sleeping, but when she arrives at his barracks, she’s informed he isn’t sleeping and is, in fact, with his brother. Ellie’s heart sinks. She doesn’t want to talk to Tommy, and she doubts he won’t push his nose into their conversation if given the opportunity. Even so, she has to find Joel. If she can hear him out, understand why he lied, why exactly he shot Marlene, then surely that’ll help her decide.

Just as Ellie enters the hallway leading to Tommy and Maria’s office, a hand falls on her shoulder. Ellie jumps in surprise, and turns to her offender. Her heart skips a beat when she recognises Tommy, and he wears a knowing smirk. ‘Lookin’ for Joel, kid?’ Ellie doesn’t answer. Gently, he pushes her towards his office. ‘Through here.’

Something isn’t right. Tommy was expecting her. But why?

On edge, Ellie walks into the office, and stops short at the sight of Joel and Maria. Tommy steps past Ellie, closing the door. Maria stands from behind the desk, and she’s the first to smile. ‘You look very tired, Ellie.’

The girl’s eyes dance between them, and then she looks directly at Joel. 

‘Any chance I can talk to ya?’ 

Joel gestures her forward. ‘You might wanna take a seat.’

‘Nah. I’m good.’ Ellie folds her arms. ‘What’s eating all of you?’

Maria and Tommy exchange glances, and it’s Tommy who speaks. His tone has softened, and Ellie doesn’t take this as a positive sign. ‘You sure you don’t want some extra shut eye? We’ll wait. Got all the time in the world.’

‘The fuck are you goin’ on about?’

‘C’mon.’ Tommy smiles crookedly, sitting on the of the desk. ‘You owed your little pal a visit. I saw you sneak into the prison cells. I don’t miss nothin’.’

‘You spyin’ on me now?’ Ellie jars her teeth, livid. She clenches a fist. ‘Fuckin’ spit it out, Miller! What’s it you wanna talk about?’

‘Oh, I don’t wanna talk about much. Just what _you both_ talked about. Care to fill me in on that?’

Ellie presses her lips together. Her heart about to burst.

‘Whisper your fantasies, wrapped up in each other? Plan your escape? C’mon. Tell me. Where you both gonna elope to?’

‘You’re talkin’ shit,’ Ellie snaps. ‘We didn’t talk about anythin’!’

‘Really? Too busy lowering you onto your back, was she?’

Joel stands to his feet, ‘Shut the fuck up, Tommy.’ His brother widens his eyes at Joel’s reproach, but Maria acts cooly. She hasn’t said a word this whole time. Ellie’s pulse is racing. Loud in her ears, but she’s relieved Joel has come in to defend her. ‘You gonna act like a goddamned idiot, gonna accuse her of things you have no fuckin’ right to accuse her of, I don’t wanna see your face again. I didn’t come here to see punishment. You want results? You wanna get something done like a fuckin’ leader oughta, then start actin’ like one!’

There’s a long pause. Tommy tilts his head, glances at Ellie. ‘I get it,’ he mumbles. ‘Daddy’s little girl. Hate to break it to ya, Joel, but she’s a big girl now. You wanna treat her like a child, and ignore the obvious, be my guest. But you’re right, man: I am in charge here. So don’t give me shit when this is clearly between you and the girl.’

‘I’m not a girl.’

‘What?’

Ellie scoffs, and rubs her eye. ‘Fuck, man. I’m not a _kid_! I ain’t twelve. Quit referring to me as one.’

‘Fine, then. _Woman_.’ 

Maria finally steps in. ‘Will all three of you stop this? You all sound ridiculous, and, Tommy, you’re not helpin’ anything here by acting smart.’

‘He ain’t actin’ smart,’ Ellie scowls. ‘Just fuckin’ stupid––’

‘You need to scrub that mouth of yours––’ Tommy stops when he sees the look Maria is giving him. Rolling his eyes, he sits back down on the desk. Shrugs. ‘Fine. Whatever. Sorry.’ He pinches the bridge of his nose. ‘You’re right: that was pretty dumb. Here me out, kid––uh, Ellie: I haven’t brought you here to punish you. You’re not in any trouble. Just clear this for me, okay? What’s goin’ on between you and that Fire Fly girl?’

Ellie looks at Joel, at Maria, back at Tommy. That’s all they want to know. Maybe they already _do_ know, but they’re not going to throw false accusations, like Joel assured. But when they find out, what will they do to Ellie? Boot her out of the camp? Punish her? Lock her under the floorboards like they used to in military school?

Shoot Riley, and throw her corpse into the river?

There’s no use lying, though. Whatever way she sees it, lying is a fruitless attempt.

Ellie’s expression falls, and her voice comes out blunt. ‘I went to see her, ‘cos I just wanted to ask her somethin’. That’s all.’

‘What did you ask?’ Maria questions gently.

‘If she thinks I’m everybody’s last chance.’ She catches Joel’s eye. ‘She said yes, but even she’s not sure about what needs to happen to me.’

‘Nothin’ _needs_ to happen to you,’ Joel insists.

‘I dunno anymore,’ Ellie sighs. ‘This shit is just exhaustin’.’ She pauses, braces herself for the outrage that might occur, and adds, ‘Yeah, you’re right: I slept with her.’

A stillness hovers in the air. Tommy’s gaze drops, and, as always, Maria’s expression is impossible to read. So Ellie bravely looks at Joel, and expects disappointment, some sort of denial. But he isn’t even looking at her. He’s returned to his seat, staring at the floor, and he might as well be daydreaming. Ellie swallows, scared he might be upset.

Upset because she kept their relationship a secret from him.

‘How long has this been goin’ on for?’ Maria asks.

‘Uh… I––I didn’t really count off the days.’

‘Throw me a rope, Ellie. A guess will do.’

‘Shortly after you let her out.’

‘Is it––’ Tommy tries again, rethinking his words. ‘You and her––it’s not serious, is it?’

And Ellie has never questioned that. Not once. With Riley, she’s never had to question whether they’re genuine, whether they’re truly committed to one another. Because it has always been that way. They have always been committed. Always looked out for each other, for better or worse. From the start, right until the end.

It is the easiest question she’s ever been faced with.

‘Yeah, it’s––’ Ellie shrugs. ‘I love her.’

Tommy blinks, and turns to Joel. ‘You knew about this?’

‘Barely anymore than you did.’

It’s the first thing Joel’s said since Ellie’s confession, and she’s desperate for him to look at her. Just so she can see his face, see his eyes; what kind of thoughts he might be struggling with. _Talk to me. Please, please talk to me._

Maria places a hand on Tommy’s shoulder. Ellie looks up at her, expecting the worst, but she merely nods. ‘Thank you for your time. You’re dismissed.’

‘Wha… Is that… That’s _it_?’

‘Yeah. That’s it, Ellie. Go on now.’

Ellie frowns. ‘You’re not gonna do anythin’?’

‘Do what exactly? I trust you won’t be visiting her frequently. You recall what she did, don’t you? Use your head, Ellie. This can only end in two ways. Your friend is behind bars, and I’m not lettin’ her out anytime soon. Think about what you want here. It can be painless––your decision.’

It’s obvious to Ellie what Maria is implying. She could walk away from Riley, and try to forget about her. Allow Maria to deal with the Fire Fly, and, that way, Ellie can move on. Turn her interests to another. Or, she can continue like this. Continue loving her, sneaking into her cell when she shouldn’t. Continue acting like a fool, and only end up writhing in agony.

One way or another, somebody’s heart will break.

But Ellie has never been committed to abandonment. 

Spending another second in this room would be torture, so she doesn’t refuse Maria’s dismissal. Ellie’s legs feel weighted as she leaves the room, as if chains are dragging her back. Tugged by large hands. The cold metal digs into her angles. Splitting them apart.

Ellie doesn’t even reach the end of the hallway. Hurried footsteps are heard, and she turns. Joel stops before her, a little out of breath, a little tired. He leans down, and suddenly cuddles her. Ellie freezes, shocked beyond words by his affection, but she allows him to hold her. Slowly, she closes her eyes and enjoys his warmth, his comfort, his acceptance. 

‘I just want you happy, baby girl,’ he whispers. ‘And if anybody takes that from you, I can’t live with that. You gotta understand me.’

Ellie struggles to find words. She gasps lightly. ‘Yeah. I do.’

‘Don’t let ‘em hurt you.’

Them. The Fire Flies. Tommy and Maria’s soldiers. The undead. Hunters. _Riley_.

Herself.

‘Joel?’

Reluctantly, he pulls away briefly, looks at her. Passes a thumb across her cheek. His eyes are soft, and clear, and she tries to smile. ‘What’s the matter?’

‘You’re not mad?’

And he’s amazed she’d ever ask him that. ‘No… No, I ain’t mad at you for lovin’ somebody else. Hell, I’ve done the same. And she was no angel herself.’ Ellie falls silent. Joel has never discussed his deceased wife before. She’s always imagined somebody beautiful, somebody with a big smile, and happy eyes. Somebody Joel misses. ‘I dunno. I saw her too. I saw her lower the gun. I dunno if that means a damned thing, kid, but…You don’t get love often enough these days. So when you do, I just think you gotta hang onto it for dear life. Especially if it makes you happy.’

Ellie breathes, and lowers her gaze.

‘Does she do that? Make you happy?’

When nobody else involves themselves. When it’s just them. When the doors are shut, and everything falls silent, and it’s just her and Riley. 

But she’s never really laughed, never smiled properly, until she was made a recruit. 

Until she met her.

Ellie twitches a smile, and that’s all the answer Joel needs. He kisses her temple, and they embrace again. This time, she responds, wrapping her arms around his middle, and enjoying his comfort while it lasts. Of whatever little time is left between them. 

The question she wanted to ask her mother echoes in her mind. 

She tightens her embrace, and whispers, ‘What should I do?’

Joel stills. Then he trembles slightly, clinging to her. ‘I wanna say don’t do it. We don’t want you to do it. _I don’t_. It’s not worth it; not in the long-run. It just ain’t worth it. If the results were certain, then maybe. Maybe. But they’re not certain. Nothing really is. But… but, this is your decision, Ellie. Nobody else’s. I ain’t gonna dictate your life. Not anymore. You’re an adult, you’re smarter than I could ever be––you make that decision.’

_you owe the world nothing_

Ellie leans against him, and pictures a world where mankind flourishes once again. Where the undead no longer rise from their slumber. And life is normal. 

She pictures a Utopian world, and knows it to be impossible.

No matter what the Fire Flies say, no matter what anybody says, Ellie has lived and survived this world ever since birth. And the decision she has to make has been obvious. All this time. Riley kissing her, Joel holding her, Ellie having to hear her mother’s sweet voice, to read the letter––it all leads to the most transparent choice.

_Life is worth living._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not going to lie, this story has pretty much taken over my life, and I'm pretty determined to finish it. I have a hunch the ending is near. _Finally_. Holy shit, this has been a marathon. I really struggled when it came to what Ellie would do. In fact, chapter thirteen determined the ending. Either Riley didn't lower the gun, or she did. If the former occurred, then I can assure you that the ending would have been much sadder, and I'm not keen on sad endings. Especially when the actual story has been a trial.
> 
> Anyway, it's a relief for me that Ellie has finally decided. It's so complex for her really. It's all well and good to say she ought to give herself up but 1) the results are uncertain and 2) she's loved and 3) she is human, and she has a right to live just as everybody else does. Frankly, I had no idea what she would decide until this chapter. So, yeah, these characters honestly write themselves.
> 
> Please do leave some feedback! I am travelling home early morning, and will be working on my trip to Oz as well as catching up with friends, but my updates shall remain regular. Thank you for your continuous support. 
> 
> Note: Joel's surname is Miller in the comics, so I safely assumed Tommy would also have the same name, being his brother and all.


	17. 17

_Every night, she can hear their screams._

_A soldier watches the door. Occasionally glances inside the barracks to make sure the recruits have stayed in bed. Experienced at avoiding their watch, the girl sneaks over towards the window, and silently climbs through. The wind bites at her cheeks, and she shudders. The drop is huge; fatal. Yet, it isn’t the fall which terrifies her. Carefully, she jumps up to the window ledge above. Grabs on, and hoists herself up._

_Effortlessly, she steps into the room. Her feet move quietly across the floorboard, and she goes unspotted. The girl watches two soldiers outside of the barracks, talking to each other in hushed whispers. They don’t notice anything unusual, and she nabs this opportunity. By now, she knows where the other girl sleeps, knows she’ll still be awake at this hour. Sometimes, they dream about the exact kind of thing; identical trauma which keeps them conscious; wide awake, for days._

_The girl crawls into her friend’s bed, who’s instantly alert. Without a word, they hold each other, keep each other warm beneath the thin sheet. She hears her heartbeat, her steady pulse. And, just like that, the screams slowly fade away. She wishes to stay like this for an eternity, wrapped up in such warm safety. But fate has a way of mocking her, and she’s all too aware that this shan’t last. The days are being crossed out. People are dying. Turning into monsters._

_And the mornings are growing colder––_

_––_ ‘Hey.’

It seems wherever Riley isn’t, the chill invades her body. Like bullets. Knives. Everything all at once. Tearing apart her lungs, and suffocating her slowly. An odd thing. To depend on somebody else. To depend on someone so much, that the idea of them disappearing would surely grey all the happiness left. Not that there’s much for her to steal.

Again, Riley nudges her. ‘Ellie?’

The cell is damp. Cold. Not too long after her discussion with Maria and Tommy, Ellie returned to Riley’s side. Not for any particular reason. Just for her company. Just to cuddle her. Just to lean her head against her, and maybe fall asleep. Forget what’s really happening out there. Because, even for her, it can become unbearable.

Eventually.

Riley is warm. She’s always been warm, but, in this moment, she’s the only warmth Ellie can find. As always, trapped in her embrace, there isn’t anywhere she’d rather be. 

Because, as always, eternity doesn’t sound like a bad idea.

‘Eleanor?’

At the sound of her name, she responds. Ellie suddenly sits upright, rubs her eye, and frowns at Riley for waking her. ‘What’s the matter?’

‘You should sleep in a bed.’

‘I don’t wanna,’ Ellie mumbles, still half-conscious. ‘It’s cold out.’

Riley smiles crookedly. ‘You sound like a four-year-old.’

‘Tsk.’ 

‘What were you dreamin’ about?’

Ellie sighs, and falls into Riley again, this time holding onto her top. Just in case she’ll pulled away from her. Just in case. Just in case she might lose her again. ‘The school.’ She says it so bluntly, so carelessly, and Riley’s heart skips a beat. 

Between them, they’ve never really spoken about military school. The things which happened to them. How their teachers and commanding officers abused them so fiercely. Riley tightens her hold on the other girl, and loses herself in the memory. Back then, it was just _dark_. Every day was a challenge. A challenge to not step one toe out of line, God forbid, unless you be thrown into freezing cold water. Trapped beneath the floorboard.

Shot.

They saw more deaths than they could count. Their own comrades murdered before their eyes for the slightest offence. 

It was miraculous they survived. 

Riley recalls the water very clearly. Once, she had been caught escaping the quarantine zone. As punishment, two soldiers lifted her up, dragged her, pulled her by the hair, stripped her down and threw her into the water. As if she were an object to be tossed. Waste. And the water made her gasp, cry out. It felt as if a million spears had punctured her body, and she couldn’t breathe. Struggling against the freezing temperature. 

The times Ellie was pushed in as well. Laughed at for her lack of ability to swim. It became about the humiliation, not so much the pain.

Riley exhales. ‘You learn how to swim yet?’

A small laugh escapes her, but Riley knows Ellie has thought about those times too. ‘Joel taught me.’

‘Oh.’ Riley’s throat narrows. _Thank God_. ‘It’s about fuckin’ time, man.’

‘Shut the fuck up.’

‘… you ever thought about going back?’

Ellie opens her eyes. The question doesn’t sit right with her, and she faces Riley. The warmth has disappeared completely, and she says nothing. Riley softens her expression. They both suffered a great deal at the school, but Ellie had it worse. She wasn’t exactly keen on making friends, and, really, the only person who gave her the time of day was Riley. 

Not to mention she just wasn’t good at anything. While her use of artillery was barely satisfactory, anything else was close to impossible. Even learning subjects. The school obviously accepted the fact Ellie had a diagnosis of some sort, a disability when it came to learning, but she was one of many potential soldiers. 

They didn’t care enough to pave another path for her in order to be taught. 

‘You remember Jonny? The guy I introduced you to?’ Ellie remembers. Jonny wasn’t a friend of hers by any means, but he used to hang around with Riley frequently. They were the same age, after all, and were similar in many ways. ‘I saw him a few months back. He was alive! It’s really weird seeing people from the past.’

‘I get that.’

Riley smiles at what she’s implying. Them. It was weird, _wonderful_ , knowing they had both survived. And after seeing Ellie after all these years, Riley didn’t care if she was being held prisoner. If she might die at the hands of these people. 

At least she would die knowing Ellie lived.

‘How’d you find him?’

Riley lowers her gaze. ‘Tried to kill me, of course.’ She shrugs. ‘Barely recognised him at first. One of the scouts caught him, and I was about ready to fire, until I saw him properly. Funny, ‘cos I instantly dropped my weapon and we hugged each other. As if we hadn’t been tryna kill each other seconds ago.’ She shakes her head lightly. ‘It’s so fucked up out there, Ellie. All this bullshit we’re forced to believe in, and I don’t just mean with the military.’

While she speaks, she reaches out and brushes a few strands of hair from Ellie’s eyes. 

‘… failed to mention he was infected,’ Riley continues. ‘I found out the worst way. Wouldn’t be here if I didn’t have a gun on me at the time.’ She drops her hand. Inhales. ‘I asked him about the school. He didn’t say much, but it’s ran aground. There’s nothing left. Everybody’s dead. Or turned. Or somewhere. We’ve all been so busy killin’ each other.’

Imagining an empty building, the place which haunts her–– _empty_. 

Nothing left.

Ellie feels sick to her stomach. ‘Can we talk about somethin’ else?’ The lack of emotion in her voice proves to Riley this conversation has unsettled her. Riley nods. They both have their limits, and she’s not about to abuse that.

‘Come closer?’

She nearly does. But Ellie stops short at the sight of Riley’s necklace. The dog tags. Riley narrows her brows, and follows her line of gaze. Looking back at Ellie, she tries to figure out what she could possibly be thinking. Ellie meets her eyes. Cruel it is, that those tags she loathes so much have been pressed to herbare breast more times than she’d ever imagine.

The coldness of the metal singes her skin. Ellie wraps her arms around herself, fingers digging into her shirt. They haven’t discussed their previous approach. How they had just _taken_ each other. The intensity, the heat of it all; how they were so enraptured in each other. Riley blinks, watches Ellie, and touches the chain of her tags. 

Ellie’s eyes are sharp, and she observes while Riley pulls the tags out from beneath her top. There they are: almost twinkling in the little light. Riley studies them, the Fire Fly logo, her name. Once, she had treasured these. Kept them close to her heart. Would promise to die with them still on. But that was a long time ago. Before she was given any sort of leadership, before losing Marlene, and before Ellie. Before all of this.

It’s easy: betrayal.

How Marlene would roll in her grave.

Riley yanks off the tags. Frees herself from her burden, and then offers the tags to Ellie. The younger girl widens her eyes at the invitation, and Riley smiles shortly. ‘I don’t wanna see them again. Will you get rid of them for me?’

Hesitantly, Ellie takes the dog tags. ‘What does this mean?’

‘It means––’

Riley stops. Stares at the dog tags in Ellie’s possession, how they seem to glare at her, and she quickly looks away. There are a thousand things this could mean. It could mean a lie. A bluff. It could mean that when Ellie’s back is turned, Riley will hurt her again. It could mean absolutely nothing in the end. They’re just dog tags. Just a chain, once wrapped around her neck. _Squeezing_.

But it’s not a bluff. It’s not a lie.

––and this is _paramount_. 

This means that when Riley kissed her, it hadn’t been a trick. It was just that. A kiss. Because kissing Ellie is the only action Riley has made which hasn’t been demanded of her. No one gave her the order, nothing blindly compelled her. It was just her, just them, and it was _happy_. It was real, wholesome, genuine, all of this positivity she sometimes can’t contain. 

This means there’s only one last thing–– _person_ ––she’s devoted to, and she doesn’t require any form of identity in order to prove it.

In the simplest way, this mean she quits.

‘I’ve changed my mind: if I get to survive and live in this shitty world, I don’t wanna go ahead alone. I’d much rather do this whole thing with you.’

Closing her hand around the dog tags, Ellie raises a brow. ‘You’re serious?’

‘Yeah.’

‘What about your buddies next door?’

Riley shrugs. ‘They’re not my friends. You are. And I don’t wanna lose you again.’

It makes her tremble. Hearing all of this. If she didn’t know Riley as well as she did, then perhaps she wouldn’t believe her. Accuse her of bullshitting her way out of blame. Luring Ellie in again, seducing her; but Riley doesn’t have it in her to do that. Especially to the last person on earth whom she trusts. And Ellie _does_ know her. Better than herself sometimes.

She thinks about the carousal. That tiny, _perfect_ moment.

… round and round and round… 

‘What if you change your mind again?’

Riley shrugs. ‘About what?’

It doesn’t matter. From the start, she had made up her mind. There was the Fire Flies, their hope for a cure out there, and then there was Ellie. And Ellie centres everything. Once, Riley would have killed. Once, she would have obeyed Marlene’s orders, and gone ahead with any procedure. Any experiment. Observe the surgery, watch their next test fail.

But Marlene is long gone, and, as far as Riley’s concerned, any life with Ellie isn’t really a life at all.

The Flies Flies amount to nothing when she’s out of the picture.

Ellie holds up the tags, watches them twirl in her grasp, Riley’s name engraved deeply into the metal. They’re old. Used. Rusting away. And their owner has left them behind. Ellie doesn’t return them, doesn’t reject Riley. She pockets the dog tags, and says nothing. 

Allows a silent promise to pass.

‘I’m sorry,’ Riley whispers. Sorry for it all, the mistakes she made; sorry for the hurt she has caused to this wonderful girl. ‘Do you forgive me?’

So, Ellie laughs a little. Shrugs. ‘There’s nothin’ for me to forgive.’ Because a decision was eventually made. Riley lowered the gun when given the choice. Riley abandoned the tags around her neck. Riley changed her mind, for Ellie, and _that_ is what she remembers most.

Riley kisses her cheek. Ellie twitches a smile.

‘You know I love you, right?’

Ellie snorts. ‘Yeah. Right.’ 

She takes Riley’s hand, intertwines their fingers together, and sits beside her. Their hips bump together, shoulders meet, and Ellie leans into her side. She inspects Riley’s bare collarbone, free from any tags, and she’s relieved. That’s where Ellie kisses her. 

The place her burden once dominated. 

‘I love you too.’

As Riley caresses a hand through her hair, past her cheek, Ellie comes closer. She rests into Riley like she did when they were young recruits. Scared out of their wits, and sneaking out of their beds, through the window, a little bruised, a little reckless. When crawling into Riley’s tiny bed was the only time she felt truly safe, protected, and warm. 

It kept them alive, at least. Having each other.

That is why Riley stays. Willing to remain locked behind a heavy door, to keep her head down, and earn whatever trust she can achieve. Until she’s done her time, and the door opens––for good. For Ellie. Riley will do that for her. Remain in this camp, do what she has to. All for the girl beside her. Inspecting their tangled hands, Riley inhales Ellie’s sweet scent. It’s something familiar, something like home.

‘I’m glad I got you.’

‘Oh, yeah?’

‘Yeah.’

Ellie looks up at her, wearing a cocky grin. ‘Better get used to me quick––might have me for the rest of your fuckin’ life.’

‘I ain’t complainin’.’ They snicker at their silly affection, at what they have laid out before one another. A hope they’ve both wanted all the while.

Them. Happy. Be it for another year, ten, ‘till the end of time. 

Riley tightens their embrace, and the thought of a whole life, a whole life devoted to this one person, makes her overwhelmed with happiness. 

Because anywhere, anywhere with Ellie Williams, is the only place she’d rather be.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

END.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing is like creating my own garden. I plant the seeds, but I can't really dictate where things go, and I wasn't exactly expecting the story to finish until the end of this chapter. But I can't think of any other way to leave these two. I like to end things for my readers to decide, but, yes, Riley will eventually be let out. I would find it very out of character if Maria were to keep her in there forever. Plus, Ellie does have Joel on her side, hence the prior chapter. What happens next is up to you.
> 
> Like I said before, this story has been a marathon. I'm very bittersweet to be saying good bye to it. It's been a long, _long_ time since a story has kept me on my feet. I definitely want to write more about Ellie and Riley. In this story, I've written the occasional flashback to when they were in military school, so perhaps a prequel is in order? A short story, at least. I might write one out before (or during) my travels to Australia. I'm a speedy writer, so that might happen. (Or even a sequel...?)
> 
> This story barely touched on zombies, I realised. It focussed much more on the people. The actual game focusses on both, but I've always felt the actual people are the issue here; not necessarily the undead. Plus, I got so wrapped up in Ellie's mother, her decision in regards to the vaccine; and Riley's involvement with the Fire Flies, I guess I wasn't as interested in the obvious. 
> 
> Thank you to everybody who has stuck by me with each chapter. It's been more than a pleasure. Please do send in feedback!
> 
> Until next time!


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